I believe that the ego is not only the bad guy who needs to be fought. I rather think that it is a very helpful part we created over time. On one hand, it can support the path of the soul with its strong will. On the other hand, the ego can help to find out who you are and who you are not. It is a creation of the mind – your mind and your creation. That means that you have the power and can create it in each moment. It is created by thoughts and can, therefore, be controlled by the choice of your thoughts. The further away we are drifting from the true self the more power the ego has. It can show up unexpectedly although we think we already know that guy and its tricks. But in a certain situation, it appears reflexively before we even notice that we are already in its claws again. It is then to step back and see where we would end up if following its direction and what if we chose the direction of the self.
This happened to me some years ago. I heard a song on the radio. It reminded me of a big disappointment in the past caused by a person I trusted. My mood changed instantly. The feeling of being unfairly mistreated and used came back. Anger and rage rose up about all the lies. The Taurus in me awakened to full life. I imagined posting that song accompanied by some corresponding and explaining words. In my rage, I dug deeper and deeper until something made me shake my head to wake up. Stop! Wait! What was I doing here? Is that who I want to be? Is that who I choose to be? I am not a vengeful person! I am not willing to give others the power of making me someone I am not. I realized that I myself made me feel bad because of what I was thinking.
When you get hurt and you have no chance to get a voice, you feel chained. You are banned watching from afar and cannot do anything about it. Then things can happen and all of a sudden you are finding yourself on the stronger side. The wish to “clarify” things now can become very powerful. The deeper the hurt, the stronger the feeling can be.
But what happens? You would only do the same thing to others which hurt you in the first place. You would not be any different. You would go down to that level of fighting, of hatred, and yes, of revenge! You would be fighting with the same mean weapons the other person fought. Does that justify anything? Does that really make you feel better? I am against death penalty. Because I think that no human being has the right to take another person’s life. Even if that person did kill it would only be given back as it was given which takes the punishment down to the level of the punished action. In my opinion, that counts for many situations.
The destructive part of the ego can be so persistently strong in the background. The ego wants to be justified. It wants to be right. The ego wants to win and competes in everything. The ego can be so intolerant. You can feel the power of the ego physically in your solar plexus, when the anger comes up, the need to act right away when you are starting to sweat and to breathe differently in a blind fury.
The ego only sees itself. That is the crucial point where the ego can be banned. It is in stepping aside. Even though it is not easy and seems ridiculous in that moment, it is about trying to understand the other person. Or to accept the fact that the other person simply doesn’t know it any better. Reaching that point always calms me down and makes me feel sorry for the other one. Because the feeling I had before must be the feeling the other person has carried around for so long; that feeling of hatred, of always looking around and defending them from something that is not even there. The one who sends out feelings of hatred is the one who always suffers the most.
In those moments, the need of being right disappears instantly and gets replaced by a feeling of huge compassion. I am able to look through the eyes of the other one and I see the pain and struggle they are in but probably don’t even realize. The only thing I want to do in those moments is, to look into their eyes, telling them that I know and that it is ok. And you know what else I feel? Gratitude! Genuine gratitude! Because whatever made that person act that way helped me to realize my mistake. Eventually, the behavior of that person led me to the point where I could unmask the ego and detach myself from it again. That person was sent to teach me this wonderful insight. We all are angels even if it looks different on the outside.
Whatever happened, happened. The past is the past and we cannot make it undone. As long as we are fighting back for something that cannot be erased, we keep the pain alive and we provoke only new resentments. The ego can and will never win! Never! You will never find peace in fighting for justice. You will find justice in becoming peaceful.
I want to conclude this post with a quote of the unforgettable Dr. Wayne W. Dyer:
It is a choice you make. Choose kindness and compassion. Because that is who you are and who you are is stronger than your ego!
In Love and Light