More Than Advice We Need Understanding

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A day can start well. You are looking forward to what it has in store for you and you are unburdened and open for everything in a positive way. But all of a sudden a single incident can throw you off your feet. You find out that you may have been tricked, used, or manipulated and you are really mad. The worst thing someone can say in that moment is: “Calm down, I am sure, it will all work out for you.” Most of all when it is the person who caused your irritation.

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I definitely know that holding on to anger doesn’t make things better. For no one and most of all not for me because I am the center of it. But when I am at that point, it doesn’t help at all to push myself to stop being angry when I actually don’t feel like stopping it. I am not open either for a meditation or anything that has a calming effect right then. I need to run that road along until I ran all the anger off. If I did not do it, I would only suppress what has built up inside and that would make everything worse on the long run because whatever comes next only accumulates.

Bildergebnis für behind the need to communicate is the need to share. Behind quotesSomething that can help a lot is talking to someone instead of spinning it all inside over and over again. Having the understanding of that someone we are sharing our anger has a first calming effect. We need someone who listens. When that other person even says things about the situation which we feel too, they are not necessarily fueling the fire but they support opening up an outlet to get that steam off and taking the inner tension and pressure. Feeling understood strengthens and confirms that I am entitled to feel what I feel when I experienced an unfair treatment. What doesn’t help at all is someone who only tries to calm you. That makes things only worse because you feel not taken serious.

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Of course, at one point we need to accept what happened, lay it at rest, and move on. Either because we cannot change anything about it or because the other person is not able to understand what they did. But I believe that we reach that point of acceptance and peace with the situation smoother and faster when we have someone by our side who shares our point of view and that way provides a space for us to get rid of all which bothers us. That gives us a solid ground to stand on and to lift above the situation. When we can talk it off and get a feedback of understanding, there comes the moment when all is said and the embers extinguish. We need to work the anger off before we are open for whatever ways to let go. We are liberated and automatically look differently at the situation which opens us to the recourses we need for constructive ways to deal with what follows.

Bildergebnis für support and understanding quotes

If someone wants to share their irritation with me, it is of no use if I try to convince them of my own point of view. They don’t live my life and I don’t live theirs. That would only take their trust and they feel more misunderstood and alone than before. Again, honest compassion and the intention to see the world through another person’s eyes is the best support we can give someone. Even though I cannot do anything about their situation, the simple understanding already gives them the power to stand up again and find their way through or over the obstacle and the challenge.

In Love and Light

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42 Comments

Anger is an interesting emotion; it can roar from ‘hibernation’ to full wrath in an instant, and we later wonder, ‘where in the world did that come from?’
sometimes, for me, the answer is obvious, when I reflect on what led up to the conflict; usually for me i see it as Life tossing me a pop quiz here and there to see how ‘she’s really doing.’ with each one, i find i’m able to dodge more, and when i can smile about it instead of grumble, i smile even larger when i realize i’ve taken a positive step forward.

If something is weighing extra heavy, I ask myself, ‘will this matter in a year?’ (no…) and then, ‘will this matter in a month?’ etc – and i also ask myself, ‘is this about ego, and if so, remove the ego ‘ and usually the problem evaporates.

But sometimes we do need to speak up/stand up for ourselves.. there’s a fine line….

the last is to remember compassion for the other, and you also addressed that point…

Sharing with others is important as well; thanks for this!

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That’s a great point, Lisa! Yes, in some way we should truly consider if it is even worth the thought. Because in the end, the one who generates the anger inside is the one who feels it the most. But in some cases – as you said – we need to make sure that we are not used as a doormat!
Thank you very much for sharing this thought, Lisa 😊

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I love this sis! I deal with this a lot in something happening and my whole day is thrown. I definitely don’t react well to people trying to calm me down. Your words make me feel ok! I have often had someone get irritated with me because I wouldn’t just quickly move on. I really appreciate this, so much! Xxx

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We need to learn again that everyone is an individual and has the right of their individual paths. Even though I would do things different than someone else, it is not my way and therefore totally ok how the other one walks it. So, what else is compassion than to accept and respect everyones uniqueness and support them in it. You need to do it your way because only your way leads you to your exit. What is important is a hand we can hold throughout the journey in order to not feel alone… In the end, it doesn’t matter how many don’t understand (and if anyone understands at all) but if there is only one person who does. It can give us the necessary kick to believe in us again. You are not alone, sis 💖

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