The Challenge of Challenging People!


The topic for today’s post developed from a conversation with Ann of Grubbs n Critters. We were talking about how it can be that other people are able to annoy us even with things that have nothing to do with ourselves. It took me some time before I wrote that post because it is a big topic. There are so many origins, reasons, and causes which are merging. I touched some and hope I could bring it all into context. That would definitely be food for a book!

Let’s start with the soul – what a complex thing. I won’t ever grasp it completely. I hope this is understandable: There is a pool of soul aspects. When an incarnation comes up the soul takes a scoop of itself with more aspects of this and less of that. At the same time, many scoops with different aspects can incarnate. Those scoops feel the connection of the soul family – soul mates. That is when you meet someone and they feel familiar or you feel a connection and cannot explain it. Don’t mix that up with that one true love. A soul mate is not necessarily the love of your life. Soul mates are there to support each other in their development. Often times that support is not on the funny side. The goal is the development and the soul mates have it in their plans to stick to that goal. They can be your worst enemy but of course also your best friends and even the love of your life. How the support will happen was agreed upon before the incarnation.

The reason we want to incarnate is first and foremost in order to feel and experience things we cannot feel and experience without a physical body. The insight is so much more profound. There is not only so much to experience for us but there are also numberless ways of experiencing the same feeling. There are new things to experience or issues to dissolve (what we call karma). We cannot experience it all in one incarnation. Therefore too we select particular lessons, encounters, and happenings before we come here. Some things are meant for a specific time, and some are when we are ready. But all is well coordinated and linked with the life plans of others. Each life plan affects another one. What a gigantic organization!! That’s why there can be so many causes for the things we experience here. But that is only the way to the event. In the end, it is about the resulting challenge. That’s why at some point we need to stop finding an explanation and learn to trust that it happened for a reason. When something or someone challenges us then we can be sure that it is meant for us to look closer. There is something in it for us – not because we did something wrong but to learn something!

Let’s get to another point: Why is it that one person can get terribly annoyed about something which someone else doesn’t even notice? Or the other way around: I don’t care but others go nuts. It can also be annoying that some get annoyed about things others don’t care…. lol! If something is not part of our incarnation program then we don’t care or we are having a natural way of dealing with such things. It can also be that we are not at the place yet to deal with certain issues and that’s why we don’t “hear” it because it has not our frequency.  But when it has then we hear it loud and clear.  Whether it is a soul mate, someone else, circumstances, or a particular situation, if we feel reflected in it then it has always something to do with us too. People can mirror something which we don’t like about ourselves. Or we are provoked to step out of our comfort zone in order to progress our evolution. Whatever it is – it is time to work ourselves through the next lesson (fate). Only when we notice that something feels not right do we even consider a closer look. That’s why lessons to learn can be so painful. We can pull back and turn away but the issue will only be solved when we faced it. We will get confronted with it over and over again. Each time gives us another gaze on the subject and helps working it out.

In the end, it is always about how I deal with what comes to me. Sometimes there are people whose intention is to bother me. Perhaps I mirror something they don’t like about themselves. Some people are not able to deal with what is going on inside of them. They need that illusion to throw it on others. The problem is that this doesn’t work. At one point we need to understand that it is not about us but about ourselves. A huge and liberating lesson to learn because it is not our responsibility. It is something they need to dissolve. That insight can give so much strength that we are gaining the power and nerves to even deal with them on a daily base (which is important when it is about family or work). It is not going deeper anymore because we realize that it is not our war. Whatever may strike a chord within you look inside yourself first. If you cannot find something right now then the lesson for you may be to not let others make you something you are not. Send them love but it is not up to you to join them in their fight. If you don’t align with their energy they have no grip. Either they will leave you alone or they may change their attitude toward you. What defines your life is not what others do to you but how you react to what they do.

In Love and Light


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The purpose of my blog is to inspire and shine a light on the beauty and power of the wonderful being inside your body. You came into this world to share what only you can give. Remember who you really are, conquer the world the way you always wanted to, and become the blessing to us all that you were meant to be.

58 Comments

Wonderful enlightening post Erika.. So true.. I often find that when we are challenged the most, these are the very lessons needed to progress.. And find a quote about our Enemies being our greatest teachers so true..
Very inspiring read my friend Thank you Love to you and enjoy a peaceful day xx

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A very insightful post. I never thought about the possibility that people don’t like things about themselves and they see those things in us. It is so easy to not see any of this and to take it all personally! Wonderful post Erika xxx

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You and your story came to my mind while writing on that post…. It was his frustration he could not deal with and your peacefulness, kind heart, and ability to deal even with him was too much! It was never about you, Lynn!

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Thanks Erika! It’s weird the harder I tried, the madder he got! I told him many times why why do you hate me? What can I do. One time he told me, “you think you are so perfect”!! I was shocked! I always supported, never judged him! xxxx

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It is, Lynn. Deep inside of you, you always knew that there is nothing wrong with you and that was the confusing part. Because when all is right with me, why is he treating me this way? You are such a beautiful and loving soul that you never considered others to be wrong and searched and searched where it was that you overlooked. You thought you needed to be different and do act and behave in the way he demanded it in order that all is well again…. but it did not work out anyway….. because it was not about you. Your ability to get everything done (bearing his tyranny, house, children, serving others) and still find a way to smile drove him nuts. He needed someone to feel worse than he did. But you found ways to not get broken but even grew from it! Sorry, but this was just written by itself. I hope you don’t mind. 💖

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Oh, I totally understand that. What has built up for so many years cannot be thrown out just over night. But each little piece helps to unplug the outlet to let your inner sun shine again! The more light comes through the more misunderstandings are burnt off! Your book is your therapy!

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I hope you are right dearest Erika! xx Some days I feel pretty lost and full of anxiety. I am trying to have a new perspective. I wrote things that make me happy and am trying to do those things! I am also praying and thinking positive thoughts! I am trying. Your dear friend Linda has reached out to me as well and is a GEM! Love her and you!

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Just know, that we all see you! I mean YOU and we all understand where you come from. Whatever you go through you can be sure that you are not alone! Lots of love to you, dear Lynn 💖

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We cannot control what people think and their reaction within the life they are living. It is true that some people project their own insecurities on to us as if we are responsible, when in fact they are lashing out at themselves unconsciously. Good posts and points throughout, Erika!

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Awesome, thank you! We need to step back at one point and see try to see the whole picuter. Then we might see that there is nothing wrong with us and that exactly that can be the mirror for the counterpart! Thank you, Syl!

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I see and experienced it the same way. It was just tough until Ifind out that I learn from their challenges. But once I did I saw them and the ones who have come later in a different light!

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Keeping it really short and simple….. people can only annoy us if we let them. This goes back to the fact that “Any power you have over me is what I give you”. Sadly we hear comments like (e.g.) “He made me so angry” which is not only a very immature way of laying responsibility, but it also demonstrates that the speaker is not taking any responsibility for their own emotions/actions. We’re right back to the element of choices that we all make everyday. We can choose to react emotionally to another person’s attitude, or we can simply be compassionate and understanding.

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Yes, exactly! We feel what we decide to feel. It is always up to us even if we don’t want to hear that. Others can do what they want if we don’t let them control our thoughts and emotions, they have no power! Thanks a lot for this, Colin.

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I agree that sometimes we take personally things that are about the person themselves. And sometimes people who are considered difficult are those who go straight to the point and don’t like people who make them waste their time. I’ve got on quite well with people who were considered difficult and I’ve found them genuine. Sometimes the challenge is worth it.

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That is very true. I mostly don’t have problems with people who are labeled difficult because I just let them be. But there are those who trigger something within me and don’t let me backing off. The are bothering until I learned my lesson!

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I like this but I’m a little bit confused. Maybe I read it wrong but are you saying people who annoy us can even be our soul mates?? I think I’m finally starting to figure out that people are mean because they have issues with themselves. It has nothing to do with me or even other people. It took me a LONG time to realize that.

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Yes, of course they can be our soul mates. The worst enemy could be the most loving soul because they made themself the bad guy in order to teach us something and when it was even the insight that it is not about us!

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Interesting. There’s no way my ex boss is my soul mate. 😂 Maybe someday I’ll think she was but right now no way! This is the first time I hear of this. It makes sense though.

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I understand that it is very hard to believe… lol! “Soul Mate” is such a misunderstood phrase. It does not mean that they are lovely people. It only means they are from the same soul group supporting each other in their growth – in all possible ways!

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Great and important post, Erika. Often it seems like, other people wish to throw their bad life at us, but only when we grip it, their projections are working. I know, that you know this, but projections are like a mirror, as we look inside and if we get annoyed about, what others are saying or doing, try to mirror yourself and see, if this are tricking something inside yourself. Then use it and work it out. After that you are going on in your evolution and don’t need to feel bad about others behavior.

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Yes, exactly! I completely know what you mean. And there will always be someone who triggers something that forces us to look inside and check what the reason is that we reflected!!! Thank you very much, dear Irene!

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Thank you too for bringing up such relevant and important topics, Erika. I’m looking forward to find the energy and abundance to write about personal development again, long time without writing so much. So I’m happy, that you are so creative and energetic ❤

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I am happy that you are already thinking of sharing more of your experiences, Irene. I am looking forward to that too because I already appreciate the wisdom and inspiration you share in your comments so much. 💖

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