The past two weeks were most inspiring regarding this topic. I encountered several examples both in my private and in my work life in many ways.
There is a natural need within us that we want to be understood. We want to feel accepted for who we are and that means that people need to be able to see who we are. Oh, how can we be misunderstood when we are doing something out of a reflex due to our experiences of our past? As we ourselves do, others look out of their own eyes too with their own experiences in their mind storage. What they see, they put in relation with their own mindset. If a particular person means a lot to us or they play an important role in our lives, of course, we should let them know in order that misunderstandings cannot build a wall. If there is one misunderstanding that is not clarified many others can accumulate until one day that wall separates both totally.
Exchanging is a very important point in relationships. Staying in touch with each other also means sharing feelings about happenings and daily situations. It means, letting the other one be part of my own life, of my emotions, about what makes me happy and sad, about my dreams and visions. It means being part of another person’s life and be invited to their thoughts and dreams too. It is most wonderful to share the same dream. And if not then at least both understand why because they told each other! I even see it as a sign of respect and a way of caring for one another. Because I too want to know how the other one is doing, where they are going and developing. Then I feel as a fully accepted and integrated part of the other person. And I want the other one feeling the same way. It is a wonderful feeling to be so much part of one another. Yes, it makes feeling important.
And that can be that crucial point. This feeling should not become a driving force. When one gets dependent for the other one’s attention, the vicious circle starts. There may be situations when one simply cannot or doesn’t want to understand. Then at one point we need to stop explaining. Otherwise, we risk falling into that dependency of the other one’s approval. Both people are not on the same level anymore: There is the one who refuses to understand and the other one who desperately wants to be understood. The second one may start to identify their value with being seen. No matter what kind of relationship that is…. it is not healthy and this too builds up a wall over time.
I know how easy it is to slip into that justify mode. I lived it for decades. It was coupled with my self-esteem and the value I felt for myself. Then the line appears even thinner between exchanging and falling into that dependency to be understood in order to survive. But no matter how your openness was treated in the past. Keep sharing your world with the people you consider important or with the ones who need to know more about you in order to get your person better (like in a new job). But whether they understand or not – in the end, it is up to them. When you shared the information, your job is done. There isn’t anymore. You are amazing the way you are! I that is not appreciated… send them love and stop explaining!
In Love and Light