I’m Sorry, It Wasn’t About You!

I remembered an incident that happened quite some time back in my life. When it came to my mind I thought I may not be the only one who is endlessly thankful for someone who puts their ego aside and only helps us heal the wounds which still affect our lives at times.

Throughout our lives, we experience countless situations, actions of others, statements, compliments, and critics that we take over and form an image of ourselves from them. Or we get treated in a way that simply hurts. The more we hear or experience the same message the more it gets rooted within us in both constructive and destructive ways. The younger we are the more unconsciously it happens.

Many years may have passed and the persons or circumstances which left scars are not influencing your life anymore. You changed a lot about the way you think about yourself, about life, and about the world. Perhaps that particular person is not even part of your life anymore. You seem to be over it. Meanwhile, you live a different life and you are surrounded by different people. Wonderful people who want nothing more than to see you happy. Then one of those wonderful people does something objectively insignificant but…. it may be a keyword or a key action that reflexively opens a long locked folder in your mind and the feeling you thought you were over seizes you instantly. You cannot do anything about it. All of a sudden you feel like being thrown back in time and you experience the same scene again. That one person can be the loveliest being you ever met and is not even slightly like the one(s) you used to know. But one tiny thing can open up a can of worms.

You are hurt! All the feelings from the past are coming up again and you realize that you were not over them at all. But at that moment you don’t even notice. You only see red lights and the pain has full control over you. You may react hypersensitively, start defending yourself, pull back, and blame the other one for your pain, perhaps being offending and unfair. You react like an injured animal. But you don’t realize it in that very moment but feel misunderstood or again mistreated because you are feeling that pain so heavily.

Now, how does the other person react? Do they feel offended or hurt? Are they getting angry, and offensive themselves? Do they try to understand you? Do they even make an effort to see the situation through your eyes? Their reaction is very important at that moment. Not because it is their fault but because that way you can see the difference (or not) to the former situation(s) you were used to.

When they react differently the mind gets irritated. Because the data it had stored don’t fit the situation anymore. Nothing makes sense anymore and the system needs a break to restart. That is THE moment when you get calm and realize that this is not your past anymore. This is the wonderful present you already live in because of the changes you already made. There was still something stuck in a corner. Due to what that one person triggered unintentionally and because of their compassionate reaction after, you were able to let go and free yourself a bit more from a past that unconsciously still kept you under its sway.

Some things are rooted so deeply that only when we encounter a similar situation again do we remember or notice that they are still there because our wounds start bleeding again. It has nothing to do with the person in front of you but things you notice can simply open that drawer where the hidden pain is waiting to show up again. Although that person in front of you would never treat you the way others did, you feel the same emotions again.

When you realize that you wronged them you are sorry that you reacted that way. Yes, of course, apologize because you don’t want to be the same way as others were towards you. But be patient with yourself. Be aware of the fact that you were the victim of your mind’s storage room. Now you can see that what was does not exist anymore and will never come back unless you keep it alive. Instead of feeling bad now feel gratitude for the gift of a wonderful person who was sent to help you with love for working it out. It was all meant to be! Simply remember when it is your turn to be that “other person”.

Now to all those “other persons”: Thank you for stepping back, for not being hurt or feeling offended. Thank you for seeing through us and walking that valley together with us. Thank you for making the effort to understand what we feel. Thank you for helping that way that we could pull out a rusty knife that still polluted our wonderful lives without us realizing it.Thank you for your patience and for your understanding.

Thank you for the gift of your unconditional love!

In Love and Light

About the Author

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The purpose of my blog is to inspire and shine a light on the beauty and power of the wonderful being inside your body. You came into this world to share what only you can give. Remember who you really are, conquer the world the way you always wanted to, and become the blessing to us all that you were meant to be.


Friends, Gratitude, Healing, Love


Very beautiful post, Erika. Triggers shows up, while we don’t expect them to and what is most important might be to have a loving soul beside us, which is not always possible and then we learn to trust ourselves, no one else are more close to us.
No matter what, we go through in life, it will change our view at life either in good or less good way, but we will also learn by this and if not, it will be repeated, just in another way. So better learn fast…
We are different and need to learn in different ways. We need to start learning to love and trust ourselves to develope and go on in life.
I don’t believe, that we ever forget, but we can forgive, not for them, but for ourselves, which make life so much more easy.
Love to you ❤ Irene

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Such amazing statements, Irene! I so agree…. better learn fast, go through it in order to get it done and not need to repeat it again. I don’t believe either that we ever forget and I also believe that we shouldn’t. Healing doesn’t mean to forget but to see the past in a way that makes us strong instead of weak.That is why we even mustn’t forget. And that is why we get remembered when we try to suppress the past. Wonderful, Irene, and much love to you too 💖

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Reblogged this on cicampbellblog and commented:
I’d like to share with you a very thought provoking post by Erika Kind that I stumbled upon. I’m so glad I found it because it really resonated with me. Perhaps it will with you too. That feeling when “you were a victim of your mind’s storage room.”

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Triggers are nasty little things, capable of disarming you completely when you least expect it. When you are in a hurt place, it’s usually hard to look beyond that but eventually you’ll have to let go and forgive to heal. It’s not so simple and having “other persons” helps. Sometimes they come to you when you least expected it. 🙂
Nice post, Erica! It brought back some memories as I read your post…

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That is so true what you say. They show up when you least expect them or those persons who might show up are often not the ones we would expect. I also agree that you cannot see through it when the pain is strong. But when it subsides and the view gets clearer you might see even more than before. That was a wonderful statement, Ann. Thank you so much 💖

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This is a wonderful post Erika! I can feel and in a way relate to it all, since I have been at times in both positions been hurt and the other person and in both ways isn’t easy but I found my way…<3

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Yes I agree I have seen huge changing that I couldn’t think was ever possible of course the wands are still there deep buried but things as you know if trigged can come up again awakening the pain there is a continuous learning from every day life and trying to be and live with positive energy! Erika hugs to you ❤

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Exactly! That is the moment when we get the feeling of understanding of see that this person is not meant for it. But however, I believe that each trigger gives us the chance to let a bit go because we might see something we haven’t seen before!

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