Thought Pattern – The Art Of Detachment

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Recently, I talked to a neighbor, and she told me about her little daughter being diagnosed with diabetes. She said that she is working on solely thinking of her daughter as healthy, avoiding any negative thoughts, and believing that all will be well again while this is only a temporary condition. It reminded me of a post I published more than four years ago:

Your life is going well. You are not bothering too much with tasks of occasional challenges. You are easy-going that makes you face any task just as something that needs to be done. You are not in need to keep yourself positive because you simply are.

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All of a sudden something happens that turns that easy-going attitude upside down. Something, that you thought you had control over, like your health or an outcome you never questioned. Have you lived a misunderstanding by now? Is life more complicated? Now you start pondering in general… and thus start making it complicated. You are finding things to worry about you never thought of before, and after a while, life seems overwhelming. You want to be that easy-going person again who just moved forward step by step and did wonderfully in going with the flow.

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One day, a friend was sitting in a course together with other people, and for no appearant reason he got dizzy and lost consciousness for a moment. It was embarrassing, of course, and also shocking because his body acted in an unusual way and caught him off guard. He got it checked and whatever it was, it was a one-time occurrence. All was well with him. But it shattered his former steadfastness and confidence. Since then, he experiences that physical feeling more often, and, in turns, he feels sick in his stomach. It happens more likely when he is in a closed room with a lot of people, in a bus, or anywhere he cannot just leave. He is afraid that it could happen right then again, although there is no reason to think so. Those fearful thoughts already create a sense of weakness. And once he feels the slightest signs, his focus and fear of “it starts again” intensify the “symptoms”. The more his body confirms his expectations, the more concerned he is. Although he knows it is all in his head, he gets caught in a vicious circle. Now how to break that spell?

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A thought becomes an emotion, an emotion leads to an action, and an action causes events. The experience we create from it is what we store in our minds. The next time in a similar situation, the mind will open that file again and sends the former experience that feeds our thoughts and emotions… Repeated thoughts and experiences feed the belief system. Whatever we believe is an imagination. Whatever we imagine as our truth is what we experience. We direct and control our body’s functions that way – in which way ever. We can heal it, and we can also make it sick. The more we are convinced about that ability, the more we can control the direction. It starts with a thought, continues in an emotion, and results in a reaction of the body. It is all connected. But still, that knowledge alone may not help. We need to detach from the grip of fear and look at the situation from a higher perspective. As soon as we experience detachment, we understand something essential: When we can detach from something, it can impossibly be part of ourselves. That means holding on to it is a choice.

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How to detach is the more difficult question because it is so individual. Meditation can help. Talking to someone can also bring relief and insight. A very good way to distance yourself from these destructive, reflexive thought patterns is to exercise. It helps to release inner tensions, focus on something completely different, oxygenate the body, and to simply dive into a world apart from everyday life. What supports the effect even more is doing sports in a group. There you have people with whom you can talk about different topics than you are used to. If not sports, then making music or a new hobby will do. All this fills your life with different content, makes you discover more about life, and doesn’t leave as much room for the old topic. It simply becomes less of a priority. But there is more!

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We need to get the false program out of the system and replace it with the one we feel better about. It doesn’t help to tell yourself not to think of it and that you will be fine. Because right then, you focus on it even more. We need to ask ourselves how it would need to be that I don’t bother anymore. Then we can create an environment – a picture, a conviction – which makes us feel safe. Like our brain links a bad experience with something in our daily life, we need to find a link to something that gives us a good feeling. That way, we can reprogram our subconsciousness. When we have to be in a small room every day, and it feels oppressing to feel the wideness coming through the window. If there is no window, imagine a hole in the ceiling or the wall next to you, or even imagine the wall transparent. Just a spontaneous idea… the possibilities of imagination are endless and are individual. For the beginning, you can also use a talisman, take along a bottle of water, a snack, herbal essences, “emergency” medication, or whatever along. Not necessarily to take it but to feel safer by having it with you.

Perhaps we cannot control everything around us, but, for sure, a lot about us! 
We are who we think we are and are free to think what we want to think. 
We are not the victims of our thoughts but their creators.
Once we are able to control our thoughts, we have a life filled with unlimited possibilities.

In Love and Light

On a side note: I don’t say that when someone has health problems they only got them because they focused on getting them. But it is one of the factors that can influence the health condition big way. I know some people in my surroundings who were afraid of particular diseases or believed to get them one day… and after a while, their bodies replied. 


About the Author

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The purpose of my blog is to inspire and shine a light on the beauty and power of the wonderful being inside your body. You came into this world to share what only you can give. Remember who you really are, conquer the world the way you always wanted to, and become the blessing to us all that you were meant to be.


I’ve always wondered about this idea of controlling thoughts. I tend to think the thoughts we create are a product of the information we consume. We can’t control our thoughts directly but we can influence them heavily. Either by quieting the mind through meditation – or learning to challenge the negative ones when they appear – journalling is very good for this. Still, it seems to me thoughts appear and disappear all by themselves. Thought provoking post Erika. Very positive message too. Thank you for sharing


I don’t know, if it is possible to control each and every thought. But I can tell by experience that it is possible to reprogram them. I started it by observing myself, what I do, what I think, how I feel about it. Then I picked some specific fields that were challenging me the most and I consciously started to exchange negative thoughts for positive ones. After a while, I got so conscious that I recognized more thoughts that just “happened” and exchanged them for supportive ones. Later, it got a reflex that I either already changed/reprogrammed my thought in specific situaitons or I noticed them and changed them. It was amazing to realize that it is possible that reprogramming is possilbe.

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That’s wonderful to hear Erika. I tend to think we each have this narrative – a story/deep seated belief – we tell ourselves. That this story is responsible for many of the positive or negative thoughts we have. I’ve noticed that I have certain triggers that prompt negative thoughts – when I’m very tired for example. Recognising those triggers and having a plan (alternative belief) to challenge them when they arise can be a big help. Recognising what triggers positive thoughts is helpful too. My mindset always shifts after exercise for example.

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You totally got that. We need to observe ourselves to get to know ourselves. That is when we can trick ourselves for the better. For example, I know that when I get a chance on something that I really would love to do but think too long about it, my mind gets in the way and keeps me from doing it. So, I make the decision to take the chance before my mind gets the chance to talk me into not doing it. And the next step is that I tell someone about it. Then my pride doesn’t let me back out anymore… lol. So that is how we can use our egos supportive… hehe.


There’s a lot of food for thought in this I know in theory about governing my thoughts but many just pop in. Can you give me any advice on meditation? I’m trying to find out about it.

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Oh, yes, Simon! I think the easiest way to start meditating is with a guided meditation. Either you know a place where that is offered or you go into the net and check some on YouTube! But you can also go to a book shop (or kind of psychic shop) and ask the staff for the kind of meditatio you need, like relaxing, letting go, transforming your attitude, cleansing, forgiving, inner child,… In those meditations you are guided through a story which leads to the desired effect.

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I didn’t know about that, interesting to look into. What kind of meditation do you tend to use? Do you use one type for a period of time to get the best effect?

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It depends on what you want to achieve with the meditation. I believe that guided visualisation meditations (stories you are led through) are best for the beginning. As I said, perhaps you are talking to the staff of such a kind of store. There are also books. Perhaps you check out some books with meditations and if you like those then look for a CD.

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Let me know what you got! I would suggest you check out some guided meditations on YouTube. You will feel soon what fits you. You can put in some search words like “Letting Go”, “Relaxation”, “healing”,…

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Thanks a lot! I am glad you think so. Yes, it is a matter of looking forward or still looking into our own shadow. Whatever was, is not meant to always stay like this. And the change lies in our own hands… or actually thoughts.

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Great Post Erika, as it reinforces so many factors that contribute to a fulfilling and productive life. We always have choices as to our future.

My daughter is an amazing role model because she was diagnosed with a serious brain tumor 10 years ago. Surgery could not remove it all, and she is now paying the price of excessive radiation.

Being diagnosed with any serious medical condition is nobody’s choice, but how they deal with it is totally their choice. Losing ones ability due to an unexpected condition is much like losing a loved one. There has to be a mourning period where one can come to terms with the changes now apparent. Like any mourning period, it will take different people different time frames to adjust, but adjustments must be made before a productive life can continue.

Also, one must respect the medically acknowledged power of the mind (i.e. placebo effect). Choosing to focus on what one does have, rather than what one does not have, will make a huge difference as one moves forward.

How’s Melanie coping? She is virtually unemployable for a number of reasons, but she can socialize! She has befriended a lady who has alzheimers, and is currently getting back into kickboxing (now non-contact). She also volunteers in a “befriending capacity” at a teen crisis counseling service.

Positive mental attitude – an incredibly powerful choice.
Power of choice – Never under estimate its ability.

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Colin, thank you so much for this amazing comment and example. The story of your daughter is such a proof that no matter how hard life hit you you don’t need to hold on to what was. Actually, the only way to change for the better is the look forward. But for sure, the harder life hit you the more difficult it can be to convince yourself that life doesn’t need to be as it is right now. As you said, it needs time to get ready with all that time holds.
Again, thank you so much for sharing your daughter’s story and your always profound thoughts!


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