Am I selfish to be selfish?

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How far do our obligations go regarding keeping up with activities and services we once started? Life changes, our circumstances change, situations change, attitudes, change, priorities change… heck, we change! Although, from an impartial point of view, there is no question that it is clear to adjust parts of our lives to changes in our lives. But why can it be so hard to pull it through?

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What I write now is an example which inspired me for writing this post: When I started blogging, I only had my little therapy practice and my family and household to take care of. I was able to write books and go for campaigns which led to my blog. Only until 3 years ago I was on WordPress several times a day and fostered my author accounts on Facebook and Twitter too. I had my regular posts going (which were more than today) and in addition posted spontaneously almost daily. I kept up with all comments, with reading every single post of my WP friends, and I commented on each one. But then I had to start taking responsibility for myself and my life, I went for an additional job which expanded over the past two years, and moved into an apartment. The past few weeks got busier and busier for me. When I come home from work in the evening there are lots of things to get done and organized. There wasn’t even a thought of looking at WordPress and even less on any other social media platform. Also, my weekends are busy with attending events. I still tried to fit in my WP time. But honestly, at 10 pm I am not feeling like it anymore.

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It is only the internet, isn’t it? No, it’s not. Like many of you, I am blogging in order to give something. I want to serve in a way to make others feel better or find a way to feel better. I felt unappreciative for the chance to do so and for making my lovely blog family think I wouldn’t care. I also don’t want to appear respectless in not reading the posts of my friends. And so I put myself under pressure to keep this all up. Over the time I had to find ways to limit my regular posts which I can only write and schedule on the weekends.

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But I am only one person and I had to learn this. I regret that I am not as present as I used to be and I don’t want to disappoint anyone but the precedence of my duties and activities changed with my changed life situation. I decided to spend more time with and for my kids who are and will always be the center of my life – no matter how old they are. Second is my job which I make a living of. It is not a piece of cake being a compliance officer for asset managers, most of all when the field is so completely new. The responsibility is very high too and so can be the pressure. When I come home in the evening, and getting my things done, I don’t want to stress myself with the thought that I MUST go to my blog. I want some time for myself, for calming down. So, that is the reason why I haven’t been here a lot. I don’t feel like explaining and apologizing because I am fully aware and grant everyone to care for their lives and for themselves first. I know that my creativity would burn out if I forced myself to only squeeze things in without being there with my heart.

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Now, what I want to say with this is: It is wonderful to start something and we should never stop starting something in order to expand our inner being into the outside world. Whatever we do widens and stretches ourselves in many ways and directions. But often, starting something new means limiting or finishing something else. We cannot collect and collect and collect. At one point our bag is full and we should throw something out or we break down under its weight.
Life changes and life goes on and it does this all in accordance to our development. If we forced ourselves to stick with each and everything we once did we would get stuck in our development. This again leads to frustration and discontentment. Never keep yourself from beginning something new which seems to arrive as a natural consequence of your own development. Even though you might have to limit other parts of your life or to even put some things at rest, it doesn’t mean it is dead. There may be a time when you can open the drawer again and take it out or you reach a point where you combine what you are doing with what you once did. Nothing you ever did is in vain. Nothing! Because everything is a stepping stone on your path and leads to new places. All you ever did is part of you and whenever necessary you can pull it out again.

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We can truly be our own worst enemy. Don’t suffocate the joy and passion for what you do only because you try to keep something up at all costs. Either find ways to keep it up in a different way or lay it aside for a while. Otherwise, you won’t do yourself a favor. You come first. Only a relaxed mind in alignment with a purposeful heart will bring the fulfilling results you want for yourself and for your projects. When you see that what used to be fun turns into a stressing duty then reorder things in your life. It is not selfish at all to make sure you feel good. In the end, the pressure we feel is the pressure we put on ourselves. No one can put any pressure on us if we don’t let them.

Enjoy life and whatever comes from there will be for everybody’s favor!

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In Love and Light

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The purpose of my blog is to inspire and shine a light on the beauty and power of the wonderful being inside your body. You came into this world to share what only you can give. Remember who you really are, conquer the world the way you always wanted to, and become the blessing to us all that you were meant to be.

65 Comments

Sometimes less is more Erika – like you said – giving a little from a cheerful, relaxed mind is better than giving much from a place of stress and obligation. You are delightful no matter what.

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So true, Julie! Inspiration can only flow when the mind is calm and open. And that’s resulting in the quality of what we share. So as you said, doing something from a place of stress and obligation loses its energetic vibes. I love the serene feeling that always comes from your posts, Julie!

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Erika this is such a powerful and beautiful post! Thank you for sharing your gifts with us, but I’m glad you are reevaluating time spent. I have often thought of stopping completely for a number of reasons. And I want to do new things. You are a wonderful blogging friend and I look forward to your posts, whenever you are able or if you are able. God bless you my friend. Peace.

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I know you can relate very well. Although I am glad that you are still around I totally understand if you stop. We love blogging for many reasons, don’t we. I won’t quit for sure but I am not stressing myself out anymore to get to my blog when life is busy. We must never forget to enjoy life!
Thank you and blessings to you too, dear friend!

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I am more of less in the same position, Erika. Keeping up the pace I WAS with blogging took its toll. I had to slow down. I’m no longer here like I once used to be. Yet when I am I really try to do my best. Sometimes I just must close comments. Since my Mom’s death in September my life has majorly changed and is still doing so. I am changing. My priorities and focuses are changing. I caught myself in a pattern at “jumping” when someone wanted me to do something …. and now I stand there and say “no, you do it.” I’m seeing things differently. And as I wrote on my last post, I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin lately. Huge change is here yet the search is on for me to find out what. Huge holes are still evident due to so many losses that have yet to be filled, with what I don’t know yet. I’ve had a huge spurt of self-growth that is showing me how selfish some around me are and how I have enabled that. This pattern goes straight to my childhood where I was taught to do what I was told OR ELSE. I’ve put my foot down with that and adjusting. I’m no good to anyone, dear friend, if I run myself into the ground. I SOOOOO relate to this post …. wow! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Bless you!! 😘

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Once we reach that point of breaking out of our own skin, realizing what all we let others do with us or what we “served” automatically, we can barely believe how long it took us to arrive here. Still, it is a way to go but only seeing us from above and getting the bigger picture of us in the center is a huge insight. It is the time of a big breakthrough or of dramatic decisions once they become clear.
Sending you the biggest hugs and I think it would be great if we could meet for a coffee chat these days 💖

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Dear friend, I would LOVE to meet for a coffee and chat with you. The only problem is I am in the States and you are in England. (I think) Your words hold so much wisdom, words I totally “get”. I was speaking to my bio sister and she too it seems is breaking free of so much “bondage” again from our collective childhood. We can actually laugh about stuff now for we have the understanding standing on the other side. And we both are so grateful that the years of “work” we put in are now paying off. And yes … I am going through a dramatic and huge breakthrough that is effecting every single molecule in my body and my life! 💖

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All you are doing now and how you do it now is part of the process. I hope it happens soon but I am also glad you found someone in your sister who understands and also experiences the same. That helps and strengthens.
You know, I lived in Williamsville, Buffalo. So, the thought of meeting is not too unrealistic. When I am planning on coming “home” I will let you know for sure. No, I am not living in England. I am living in the Principality of Liechtenstein which is located between Austria and Switzerland. But it is a big compliment for my English doesn’t seem too bad… lol!

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It’s funny because I’ve noticed if your response is “I can’t do that”, people are more willing to accept it and move on. Of course you have to pick and choose when to say it. (I did it for the first time recently when my tenant wanted me to take care of an issue she was responsible for.” 🌟

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That’s true! Often we think we are not entitled to say No. But once we do it is mostly accepted without questioning it. What a great experience to see the effect of a No when we back up ourselves!

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Life is change and with change comes adjustments and with that the priorities will fall in the right order. Continue to do what you do, enjoy your kids, enjoy life.

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Please feel totally free Erika, to adjust your priorities however you determine is best for you. Your friends will understand. Even a sailing ship needs to constantly change direction in order to make headway against a wind.
I have led a very productive life, with many volunteer experiences over the years. Each one has been a “new education”, but each one eventually reached a point where it was necessary to make a change. They were part of my life’s balance and, when the life balance became stressed/precarious/unmanageable … priorities have to be reassessed and the necessary changes made. That is not only common sense for ones own well being but, I would suggest, critical for a rewarding life.
None of us are effective/efficient are we are not in synch with the direction we are going. You cannot help others lead a happy and fulfilling life, if your own life is stressed with over-commitments.
Take care Erika and pass by my Blog whenever you feel you have the time, and I shall look forward to receiving your future Posts as/when that becomes practical for you.
Remember … you do not have to prove anything to us (the world), You do however have to balance all your obligations to facilitate a happy and healthy life. Go for it! 🙂

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Wow, your comments as always a book of wisdom, Colin. Thank you! I would have had better examples from my private life but at the moment they are too private. Anyway, I think it is important that we learn to adjust our sails to the present moment (as soon as we realize that we don’t catch the wind anymore) and not to what (or where) we started once. As you said, if we don’t do it we are of no help for anyone and we are unappy with ourselves too. That way what we do sucks energy out of us instead of giving it.
Thank you again, for your wonderful comment, Colin. Have a great week 😃

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