… in order that I am not disappointed…

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Lately, I had a discussion with a colleague at work. She is at a point where I was at her age too. The time when are more and more uncomfortable with the role you play in your life and in the life of others. You start questioning why you are so fearful and you are so done with that feeling but still you don’t know how to break out of it because you still think you have to play this role. The problem is as long as you stick with your role you will not experience a change.

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I am writing a lot how our thoughts control our lives and our developments. To me, it appears as the essence of our identification with who we are, with life, and with what all we can make of it. I checked the net again because I wasn’t sure but most sources say that we are having around 70’000 thoughts per day. We would think this number is much too high. But it only appears to us that way because we are not aware of most of our thoughts – a reflexive thinking that happens permanently. Whatever we see or do, our brain sends feedbacks, warnings, confirmations permanently. It is those thoughts which can get us in trouble and cause bad feelings in our stomachs OR automatically always bring out the best in us, makes us focus on solutions, and see the blessing behind the struggle.

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Our belief system is a collection of repeated thoughts which over time appeared as a truth. It may be that there was a time when those thoughts were fitting. But the problem is that they are stored and repeated for years although the situation and the person have already changed. That means our “brain” keeps us from developing! That’s why many stick with the same role for decades although there is nothing that actually requires it anymore. Often we keep ourselves in that old habit because we think it is expected from us. We don’t dare to speak up because we are afraid we could hurt someone or we could be questioned or hurt. We are a slave to our old thinking patterns since we forgot that the being inside this body is the master over that body which includes the brain and its thoughts.

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I think one of the most negative ways of thinking is to basically expect the worst. My colleague said that whatever situation she is in, she rather expects the worst in order that she is not disappointed. What does that say? Perhaps there were disappointments in her past or there was one or several essential disappointments that made her go that way. The problem is that once one is so trained in that for years they ONLY see the worst outcome. They see themselves failing. They see their projects breaking down before they even started working on them. They see themselves as the victim of their own life… and that only in order to be not disappointed when things happen the way they expected them to be. How can something work out when the focus is on failing from the first moment on? A positive outcome seems like no option but they still hope for it although they work against it.

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The misunderstanding in this all is that it is seen as a confirmation instead as a result of the own attitude! And that way this experience is added to the belief system. Being caught in this vicious circle never makes them experience that when the best possible outcome is expected it can happen too. More things will get worse and confirm their attitude. It is anything but easy to break out of this thinking. It is like an invisible chain that keeps us from moving in any other direction and what is even worse is that fear and insecurity is in control.

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The moment of my biggest breakthrough was when I realized that I don’t need to fear anything or anyone. That moment when I realized that what I feared was a construct of my own thoughts but nothing of a fact. That moment when I realized that nothing and no one can harm me. That moment when I realized that the only way of being happy, of manifesting my dreams, of feeling the freedom of being the person I wanted to be is to understand that I myself have been the only one holding me back.

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I cannot stand it when people making themselves small or talking bad about themselves. Why are we influencing ourselves so often with such a negative thinking? We take the battery out of our system that way and make us unable to achieve those great things we could otherwise. They are lying to themselves and don’t recognize how they burden their lives unnecessary.

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Yes, it can be that even though we expect the best outcome something can turn out differently. But only with a view that goes above a disappointment, we are able to overcome it or make it better instead of being shattered every time again. If something doesn’t happen the way my mind imagined it that doesn’t mean that I was wrong. It only meant that it is not working this way. It is all about the inner conviction that the best possible will happen to us. When something breaks down then only in order to make room for something better. We can only walk through an open door when we see it. So, if one door closes then only because another one opened up. So, don’t turn away in disappointment but curiously look around what better is waiting or take a challenge in order to be prepared for a second try. Nothing that happens is a punishment or meant to humble us. All that happens is meant to prepare us for more. Keep your eyes on the horizon where the best is already waiting for you to be experienced.

Photo Credits: QuoteFancy | AZ Quotes | IZ Quotes | cobrinhabjj.com | mayhemandmuse.com

In Love and Light

 

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Author, Poetess, Singer, Mom, Life Explorer, Business Woman, Therapist Remember who you really are and conquer the world the way you always wanted!

44 Comments

Hi Simon. We have remarkable strength and resilience but, somewhere in our development, it seemed to get buried in self doubt. However, at least from my perspective, acknowledging that fact opens the door to correcting the inequity which then allows us to move forward. 🙂

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The mind is part of the physical self and it is responsible for the body to survive. So it stores experiences in a way that keeps us from danger…. and that way too often unfortunately also from living. But it can be reprogrammed. It just needs a different input!! Like a computer it takes its experience from the data it is fed with!

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It is a profound lesson we learn. And mostly we only learn when we have tortured ourselves with self-doubts and no self-worth until we are so done with that way of living.
I love it so very much what you said here, Irene. May I quote you with that question?

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Great post, Erika! I used to always think the worst was going to happen in situations. I quit doing that sometime back. I’m not going to lie but it still happens every once in awhile but not like before. I also used to doubt myself a lot. You’re definitely referring to “The Secret” a lot in this one. I can’t believe we have 70,000 thoughts a day!

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I hear you, Lisa! I was the same, fearful and expecting bad reactions, rejections, failure… I was filled with self-doubts.
Sometimes I think what The Secret tells us is what we need to remember again: Using the laws of the universe and at the same time aligning our soul with our physical existence. Then we fully live and experience this life in its potential!!

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You’re exactly right, Erika! I wish I would’ve discovered “The Secret” much sooner in life. I’ve been applying some of it throughout my life though. I’ve always been a dreamer. I discovered it on Netflix in 2012. It was one of the best things ever! A lot of things changed for the best.

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