Don’t Let Them Control Your Life!

This post is was inspired by a moving discussion with Merryn of Humble Heart Scribbles and her post Miss You.

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It might have happened to many of you that there were/are people who all of a sudden behave peculiar, turn away from you or even start to act against you. We don’t care a lot if it is about anyone. But what when it about friends you had for years? Close friends, friends you share so many memories with, friends for whom you were there and looked over their issues because they meant more than opinions? Sometimes we know the reason. It might have been something we have done or said, consciously or unconsciously. Sometimes we don’t know and only assume what the reason could have been.

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We try to find out and ask what we might have done wrong. We apologize. Sometimes they don’t even react to our questions or any apology dies away seemingly unheard. I think it is some of the hardest things to experience when you are left alone with uncertainty and feelings of guilt, or you be simply ignored.

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The closer we feel to someone the more painful this is. The more hopes or expectations we had into a relationship the more destroying it feels. It is sad and I definitely think that it is not originating from a solid backbone to act like this. But however they react, what can we do? We cannot control them…. but….. they are controlling us. I remember again this quote:

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Isn’t it true? The one who cares more is getting controlled by the way the other person behaves! And the more the worse it gets the more it can turn out like a dependency. It can be because we started feeling more precious, more valuable because of this friendship. Without realizing we gained our self-esteem because of that friendship and once we feel it taken away, the self-esteem seems to follow them. But!!!

You cannot feel something that is not coming from you. It can be triggered from outside but it is not depending on the outside. Whatever you feel has been within you before. It is amazing what wonderful characteristics and feelings other people can bring out in us. How wonderful that they did it. But they did not create it. They only had the ability to let you find it through the role they played in your life. Sometimes they are not meant to stay in our life for longer but to remind us of our value, of our power, of our abilities! When they vanish for whatever reason their job might be done or…. they leave us to develop one more thing: Getting independent as a conclusion of their purpose in our lives.

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Keep in mind that they too could feel guilty or ashamed about something and they are simply not able to talk about it. It can also be that they felt constricted by us and might not even know themselves why they turn away from us. But once we detached from our need of that friendship it can likely happen that they come back out of the blue. The friendship then has improved as we ourselves have.

However others behave is a way to help us developing something. Everything that happens is meant to make us evolve. Nothing happens accidentally or randomly. There is always something in store for us. Again I want to share a quote of Neal Donald Walsch’s book The Little Soul And The Sun. When God sent the little Soul down to the earth as it wished in order to learn and experience itself, he said: Never forget…

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The ones which give us the toughest lessons might be the most loving souls because the provide themselves for your sake. They might not remember when they are down here and we don’t remember either. But when we see what we can develop within ourselves there must be love behind it because we might not have developed it without them.

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So, do what you are able to and what you want to do. But in the end, it always needs two. Whenever you feel ready, stand up, say thank you for the time you had but let them go.

Don’t let other people’s behavior control your feelings.
Don’t let THEM control YOUR life!

About the Author

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The purpose of my blog is to inspire and to shine a light on the beauty and power of the wonderful being inside your body. You came into this world in order to share what only you can give. Remember who you really are, conquer the world the way you always wanted, and become the blessing for all of us you were meant to be.

69 Comments

You are so right Erika.. sometimes it is always better to let go of certain things or people… Agree with your post 100%. In such situations, I always try and tell myself that whatever happens, happens for a reason and make peace with it.

Liked by 1 person

This is so true Erika and we need to be grateful for these lessons, without them we would not learn so much.
Friends come and go through life and sometimes for us to learn and other times for us to teach. When this pass, we have passed the friendship too, even it sometimes hurt a lot.

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This is so true what you say here! There are so many reasons why people come into and leave our lives again. Only because they arrived doesn’t mean they or we are meant to stay forever. Thank you, Irene!

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People do change. I had a friend for 20+ years who dumped me because I saw through her finally. It was about politics. Over 4 years now. It still hurts. I just could not stand how she had changed over the years. She just gave up. She only saw her point of view (religion) and no one else’s. She would say one thing and then do another. It was one of those times it was alright to let her go. I never heard from her again.

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Some persons and/or their actions and behaviors we might never understand. I mentioned it in one comment but that quote of Wayne Dyer really says it all: How other people treat me is their path, how I react is mine!
Thank you, Colleen, for sharing this part of your life.

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That is so perfect Erika! I have just kept moving forward. When I look back, I realize it was all one sided. It is what it is, and I haven’t looked back. Thanks, Erika! 💗💗💗

Liked by 1 person

That’s true, it is simply what it is! When you step back then you can see it that way, see the bigger picture and perhaps even the blessing and purpose behind. But for sure, we shouldn’t look back but take it as one of the stations in life. I love that, Colleen 💖💖💖

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I think I know what you mean. Whatever others do, the decison about your actions and reactions are yours in the end. No one else to blame. As Wayne Dyer says: “How others treat me is their path, how I react is mine.”

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Thank you very much, Syl! Glad you think so! Yes, right, it all has its lesson for both whatever might be the reason for a split. Sometimes it is not about the relationship but about the lesson it taught! Not easy to accept of course because we tend to search for answers!

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As far as I got to know you, Lynn, I consider you as one of the most kind-hearted people I ever met! And your reaction”What am I doing wrong?” shows that again. It may sound paradox, but some people cannot deal with kindness because they cannot accept it for themselves…..
Big hugs, Lynn, and thank you for your comment! 💖

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No, that sounds not silly at all! When someone turns away from us we think there might be something wrong with us. But perhaps it is because there is something wrong with them…. or with no one! Sometimes it simply is meant to end! You are so lovely!!!

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Wow, I just lost a friendship with someone I was close to just a couple of days ago. They literally blanked me which was sudden and shocking and hurts but this post is very true. Thank you :).

(I found your post through the reblog)

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