It might have happened to many of you that there were/are people who all of a sudden behave peculiar, turn away from you or even start to act against you. We don’t care a lot if it is about anyone. But what when it about friends you had for years? Close friends, friends you share so many memories with, friends for whom you were there and looked over their issues because they meant more than opinions? Sometimes we know the reason. It might have been something we have done or said, consciously or unconsciously. Sometimes we don’t know and only assume what the reason could have been.
We try to find out and ask what we might have done wrong. We apologize. Sometimes they don’t even react to our questions or any apology dies away seemingly unheard. I think it is some of the hardest things to experience when you are left alone with uncertainty and feelings of guilt, or you be simply ignored.
The closer we feel to someone the more painful this is. The more hopes or expectations we had into a relationship the more destroying it feels. It is sad and I definitely think that it is not originating from a solid backbone to act like this. But however they react, what can we do? We cannot control them…. but….. they are controlling us. I remember again this quote:
Isn’t it true? The one who cares more is getting controlled by the way the other person behaves! And the more the worse it gets the more it can turn out like a dependency. It can be because we started feeling more precious, more valuable because of this friendship. Without realizing we gained our self-esteem because of that friendship and once we feel it taken away, the self-esteem seems to follow them. But!!!
You cannot feel something that is not coming from you. It can be triggered from outside but it is not depending on the outside. Whatever you feel has been within you before. It is amazing what wonderful characteristics and feelings other people can bring out in us. How wonderful that they did it. But they did not create it. They only had the ability to let you find it through the role they played in your life. Sometimes they are not meant to stay in our life for longer but to remind us of our value, of our power, of our abilities! When they vanish for whatever reason their job might be done or…. they leave us to develop one more thing: Getting independent as a conclusion of their purpose in our lives.
Keep in mind that they too could feel guilty or ashamed about something and they are simply not able to talk about it. It can also be that they felt constricted by us and might not even know themselves why they turn away from us. But once we detached from our need of that friendship it can likely happen that they come back out of the blue. The friendship then has improved as we ourselves have.
However others behave is a way to help us developing something. Everything that happens is meant to make us evolve. Nothing happens accidentally or randomly. There is always something in store for us. Again I want to share a quote of Neal Donald Walsch’s book The Little Soul And The Sun. When God sent the little Soul down to the earth as it wished in order to learn and experience itself, he said: Never forget…
The ones which give us the toughest lessons might be the most loving souls because the provide themselves for your sake. They might not remember when they are down here and we don’t remember either. But when we see what we can develop within ourselves there must be love behind it because we might not have developed it without them.
So, do what you are able to and what you want to do. But in the end, it always needs two. Whenever you feel ready, stand up, say thank you for the time you had but let them go.
Don’t let other people’s behavior control your feelings.
Don’t let THEM control YOUR life!