Isn’t it wonderful to have your friends and family, being needed, go out and have fun, have listeners and supporters when we are in trouble and be a listener and supporters for others? Yes, wonderful to be part of such a net.
But there are many people in this world that are more the listener, the helper, and the supporters, which is more needed than getting all of this. Some people are turning from a friend into a slave but don’t recognize it. They are used to help and be there for others. And the interesting thing is that they even don’t want others to do the same for them. The reason mostly is not, that they are that strong and selfless but rather weak and helpless. They have a big lack of self-love and self-appreciation. Since their self-esteem is so very low they try to find their value in serving others. But instead of getting love and appreciation for their actions they are only abused and in addition to it often loathed for their weakness. Some of those people are my clients. When I am making an appointment with them and suggest times they have a hard time making a choice. Not because they are so busy or are unable to make decisions but because they try to find out which appointment bothers me less. Although it is my business and the times are even my suggestions.
It is not easy dealing with them. They are very subservient, and it feels uncomfortable how they put the other person on a pedestal and bury themselves in the dirt. When those people arrive at my place they are mostly on their limits, sick, depressed, disappointed, or even in dealing with eating disorders. They are even feeling guilty for everything people do to them. They are convinced that they deserve to be treated that way. Now how to help them?
The first thing is to make them talk. And that’s mostly easier than expected because that’s right why they come. They are so filled up with their burden that I only need to find the outlet. Talking about all the burdens from their chest mostly is the biggest relief. They are so used to taking over the problems of others but don’t have anyone (or don’t want to bother anyone) for talking about their problems. I know a woman that after years finally made the decision to get divorced from her husband. It is a nightmare that she still is going through in order to finally get back into a normal life with her kids. My in-laws are lying about her and working against her coming onto her feet. She doesn’t get any money from her ex and he tries everything to make her life as hard as possible. She had no power and energy anymore and her body was skin and bones. When she could talk about everything, she liberated herself from everything she carried around. Letting go of this all made room for solutions. While talking about it and me asking questions, she gave herself the most important answers and she understood that she actually knows what to do. She realized that the answers are lying inside of herself and that there is always a way out. That made her gain new power and motivation to face life and stand tall.
When we want solutions or are filled with problems and struggles, we have to step back and get some distance. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, then write a letter. Burn that letter and see your words being carried away by the wind. Or write a blog and share your life with others. You need to make room. Throw out what stands in front of your inner window in order to let the light in which shows the solution and in order to let in fresh air which clears your mind and fills your lungs with life. You literally feel lighter and can charge your batteries.
You are as entitled as anyone else to have a happy life, to be respected and appreciated. Don’t ever believe that you are meant to suffer and to be the doormat for others. Those others might have a huge problem and are only bothering you because you seem weaker than they definitely are. Someone that only feels strong in weakening others is not only weak himself but also dissatisfied and frustrated with himself or his life. You are not meant to be the absorber of other people’s problems. Help them recognize and solve their problems by not taking what they give to you. Perhaps then you can be there for them in a helpful but different way – as a role model of breaking out in of other people’s domination in a loving way!
In Love and Light!