When I had my breakthrough, I realized that my fears were based on thoughts I believed to be true since they had been taught to me from childhood on until adulthood. It was one of my greatest fears to share my opinion and thoughts, since I was terrified to be questioned or told in humiliating ways how wrong I was. Therefore, it was so relieving to let go of this fear, too. I promised myself I would no longer hide my truth if that meant denying myself. That’s when I began writing my book “I’m Free.” In it, I freely shared my experiences and the paths that led me out of my many prisons (still processing). Whenever possible, I also draw on examples from my own life in my posts. By doing so, I risk people close to me reading them, but I’m no longer afraid of that.
Has everyone been happy with my changed self? No, because I have become an independent thinker and do everything MY way.
Does everyone like the examples I share in my book or my posts? No, because they can include people (with or without any identifying details) who are also reading my work.
Does it hurt what they may say? Yes, it does, because I get reminded of old patterns that led me to my inner conflicts, which they still cannot see.
Does it intimidate me? Definitely not, because such reactions are like tests for me, which only show me how far I have come.
Am I mad? No, because I understand that, from their perspective, they can’t see things from my point of view.
For most of my life, I felt like an alien. In my mid-30s, I realized that I wasn’t an alien at all. I simply noticed a disconnect between what people told me about myself and how I felt about myself. Somewhere along the way, I finally recognized that the problem wasn’t me. So I will not back down, and I will not stop speaking out, because hiding and remaining silent are the reasons why people feel left alone with their experiences, their pain, and their questions. I don’t want anyone to suffer from self-doubt and psychological oppression any longer than necessary, as this only leads to anxiety and depression. This blog will remain a platform for sharing what many go through in their daily lives, and I will keep using examples from daily life (as is this post) to inspire. So, if I share something that someone might find offensive, it is not my intention to offend, but to make people think, and those who feel offended… to make them think about why they are.
You can’t control what others think of you; that’s their path. And that’s ok, because their reaction is part of their journey. But it’s THEIR reaction, and you decide how to handle it – that’s YOUR reaction. Other people’s reactions can be a challenge to test your steadfastness. You recognize them and can make sure you don’t fall back into old, self-destructive patterns. That’s why we have one another; to keep us evolving through action and reaction. Everyone has their packages to carry, and what “shocks” us about other people’s opinions might actually apply to us. Again, we are mirrors to each other. My journey influences yours and vice versa.
To come full circle back to the opening quote:
What people think about you has more to do with them than with you.
So, in remaining true to yourself,
you may even help those other people to perhaps resolve something in themselves.
In Love and Light
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Erika, very well said ably abetted by Dr. Wayne Dyer. One of my good friends read this book called “Halftime” which asks the reader what you want to do with the second half of your life. One thing he learned is to stop suffering fools. Just don’t react to their baiting or associate with them. We waste a lot of time trying to change the opinions of people not prone to change. What they think of us should not matter. Keith
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That totally fits my timeline. When I was about 40, I made exatly that decision. Not wasting time anymore but filling it meaningful – and with meaningful people! Often those we try to please the most are appreciating it the least. The funny thing is, when you stop pleasing them, you get their respect!
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Erika, well done. Ricky Nelson sang “you can’t please everyone, but you got to please yourself.” Ironically, this lyric is about being booed for not singing his oldies at a Madison Square Garden concert. You might recognize the first lyric “I went to a Garden party….” Keith
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Wonderful life lesson Erika. “People pleasing” is a similar common, but mentally unhealthy, state which so many portray. Of course when commerce uses that philosophy to market their products (i.e. you must buy this/do that if you want to be part of “the crowd”), we have to recognize our own individuality and live it!
There are so many demeaning aspects of our culture, one of which is deciding that we should hide our own identity in order to fit with other identities. We all have a “need to be needed” at some level, and we are inherently social creatures, but we each also have a unique identity which must be celebrated.
At the risk of repeating myself from earlier post comments, we are the result of our upbringing, life experiences and our interactions with others including relationships. This dictates that each of us is unique and, if we are going to be true to ourselves, we should celebrate that uniqueness.
So how do I try and fit in with others? By simply acknowledging that they are also unique. If they portray different and/or conflicting traits with my own, then that is dictated by their life experiences. If their character traits are not harmful to themselves or to others, then I just acknowledge who they are … and hope that they will see me in a similar perspective.
As Annette posted earlier “We must be true to ourselves.” That leads me to a bit of a perhaps basic thought which some of you may wish to contemplate:
If you cannot be true to yourself ………. who can you be true to?
Keep smiling 🙂
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That’s very well stated, Colin. It is our uniqueness we need to understand as a priviledge, not as a burden. Only those, who celebrated it have reached their goals with inner contentment, because their goals have been part of themselves, not of others.)
Yes, these times don’t make it easier for young people to unforld their own personality since they are shown 24/7 what’s trendy right now so they can fit in, are accepted, respected, and maybe admired… but that doesn’t last if it is not coming from themselves.
Thank Colin, no worries, even if you repeated yourself, it is always something worth to read and get reminded of.
Always 😊
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Beautifully spoken Erika, and what a powerful journey. Most people think that because you do ‘you’ that you are selfish. What they don’t realise is, once you heal that pain inside and go beyond your fear, it is done from a more loving space. The intent has completely changed and the realisation that we can only give of what we are, and that giving from an empty tank is not doing them or you any favours. Great post kind lady, a gem 🤗❤️🙏
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Exactly, you explained that very well. It is has nothing to do with selfishness but with a healthy way of recognizig your own value and power. By doing so, you realize the value of others even more and you understand that everyone has their backpack to carry, whether they talk about it or not. Thank you, dear Mark 💖
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“hiding and remaining silent are the reasons why people feel left alone with their experiences, their pain, and their questions”
This kind of hiding is exactly what scares people even more than death itself. Imagine a person so afraid, so tormented, so confused that they decide to take their own lives. How could this intangible thing called “fear” be so great? That’s something I was just thinking lately and that’s what making me keep on climbing that ladder if being myself and eventually being free. Your posts always speak volumes Erika, I wish you knew how critical this topic is. Thanks and keep being you, keep being that light for all of us.
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Thank you, Sanjo. This is another topic that has so many aspects to talk about. Even though I’ve been there, it may not have been in a depth like yours or many others. But I know those and I know how it feels to be the only one who sees what you see and feels what you feel. Left alone with injustice and no voice. And over that you start questioning yourself because you think you must be wrong (especially as a child or teenager). I isolated myself completely, and it was a hard way out of it again, after I realized that I am not an alien at all. There are more “like me” around than I thought. But if everyone is hiding and not talking about it, makes you think you are lonely in your darkness.
That’s why it is so to talk about our experiences which tells others that they are not the only ones struggling with self-doubt and fear. Being understood is the door that opens for a new path out of the prison. And now, it is to prepare for making that first step over the treshold… everything else follows.
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Isolation is part of the game, I did it too, I thought I was different, that people couldn’t understand me, or I was gifted to feel things deeply.. it’s strange how trauma messes our minds! The realization that it had to do with me, almost destroyed me. It was painful and unbearable but I had to at last take it in. The darkness, the loneliness, was all feeding the fear.
Exactly, all we do is prepare as we overshadow the fear. And I know just like what you did, one day it just hits and the burden automatically drops.
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we MUST be true to ourselves!
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That’s always the best advice! Thank you, Sister 💖
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