Would I do it again?

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Sharing a post from two years ago today:

I am at a point in my life where I find myself at the best place I have ever been. But that is not everything. I find myself at a place where I see that what I believed about life, what I felt for decades in my heart is about to manifest. I perceive myself as a wanderer who lost the compass, then after a while found her direction, and is now standing in front of that path again she recognizes as the path she knew all her life.

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I could only got here because of all the signposts and hints I was given and which I needed to find my orientation again. Not all were nice. Some were rough, some pushed me hard that I stumbled and even fell. But they only showed me what direction not to take. The harder I was hit the clearer was the message: NOT THIS WAY! Sometimes I tried the same wrong way again and I was pushed back even harder in order to finally understand. I thought those people or circumstances would be mean and against me. But that was a misunderstanding. No matter, how they appeared they must have been loving because they pushed me back on my path. It was me who took so long to understand.

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Each (repeated) message was necessary. Sometimes I learned faster and sometimes it took me a while. The more I understood that a slap in my face or a blocked path were signposts the better I could find my way through the forest. Sometimes there was a blockage in front of me and no other way to go. So I had to climb over it. Wow, I developed huge climbing skills and an attitude of persistence. Sometimes I couldn’t see a thing and I needed to climb a tree or a mountain – not because that was my path but in order to get an important overview and figure out where the trail continues!

isolate-1209275_960_720Sometimes when I was exhausted and felt so lonely on my journey I needed to sit down, get still and rest in order to get aware again why I was doing that all. I knew about that beautiful land on the other side of the forest. I couldn’t see it but in some way, I knew it was there: My home, a particular place that feels so familiar and which was part of myself which kept me connected with the deep feeling that it must be there. That feeling has been my compass!

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Today my life is not as comfortable as it was before but it has gained more color, more content, more meaning. Perhaps I will never even leave the maze of my mind completely but my first domicile is my heart now. Since I moved in there I found that country I always dreamed of. I find everything there. The most wonderful thing is that what I see in there is manifesting in the outside world more and more.

I am thankful for all the signposts, for all the slaps and falls, for all the pushers and offenders. If one was missing, if one of my experiences was missing I would not be where I am today. And I don’t want to be in any different place than where I am today. If I needed to repeat it all in order to arrive here – I would do it again!

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Some time ago I pondered about this and the interesting discussions with several friends happened. One person said that although he is happy with where he is now he would not do the same mistakes again if he could go back with what he knows now. I said I am not sure about it because if I did not make a certain experience it would lead me in a different direction. He agreed but he said something very meaningful which was about like this: “I am sure that even if I made different decisions I would arrive at this place again – only with a different history!”

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That was amazingly profound. I am convinced that we all have a plan for this lifetime. I already talked about fate and destiny. I believe that there is a fate for everyone, something we will experience, encounter, face in this lifetime, something we have no control over. It is what we wanted to experience (good or bad). How we deal with it and how we get from one point of fate to another is what I call destiny which is in our control. It is like walking through a maze where the entrance and the exit are given but how we go from the entrance to the exit is our personal adventure. I believe that we will always be directed towards our fate.  We feel this fate in our hearts. Sometimes it is like a beautiful dream, an inner feeling we carry within all our lives and then again it is only the knowing of the soul what is still waiting for us. So the good news is that whatever decisions we make we will arrive where we are supposed to arrive. It is only a different way of approaching – a different history!

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Now, if I had the chance to go back in my life with the knowing I have today, would I make the same decisions again? I don’t know. Perhaps I would make the same decisions again when it is most of all about myself. But for sure, I would act differently regarding my children. I would be more patient because it hurts so much to look back and see their confusion when I expected too much from them. I wrote about it here. But other than that I am glad that going back is not an option anyway. And honestly, I don’t care because I am thankful for where and who I am today and with all the knowing I have today I am looking forward to where and what I will be tomorrow. Because I know that I am always on my way home!

In Love and Light

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42 Comments

You know Erika, often times I think we feel like you so beautifully describe, as losing the compass, our direction. Yet I see at times we need to stand still, take stock and look where we have been before we take a new heading.

All detours in life that we take lead us via the roads less travelled, but they reveal a wealth of knowledge we would never have gained, had we stuck to the direct route..

Courage can only be tested by our strength to overcome the obstacles we have to travel over..
If we were never tested, what would be the point of a smooth path that didn’t challenge us, that allowed us to experience the richness of life in all its moods..

I agree with you about our Life’s Plan, which we seeded before coming here, it may take a different route at times, but the experiences are what we came to overcome, expand our awareness and empower our Being.
Life may well at times feel like we are going around in a maze.. And we can at times feel lost and alone..
But when we step out of our woes, and step into Gratitude within our hearts, and Listen to the guidance our hearts are telling us,
We know our Hearts are our compass..

A beautifully written post Erika,

Love and Blessings dear friend ❤ ❤ ❤

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That’s so very true. Sometimes it is not about a “wrong” decision that we need to take a detour but about a path we need to walk in order to fill our backpack with the necessary knowledge and tools.
How could we be prepared for more if we were not forced to grow out of ourselves?
And yes, I absolutely agree, this way we experience life in all its depth and with all senses. Exactly like we wanted to experience it. Everything is perfectly organized to meet our soul’s plan.

Thank you so much for your insightful comment. I hope many read it. It gave me goosebumps which is a sign of feeling a deep truth about it.
Blessings and hugs to you, Sue💖

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Yes, completely, Sue! That is for sure one of the reasons I feel your words reaching so deep. It would be amazaing doing a workshop together.
Thank you and I wish you a wonderful weekend too, Sue 💖

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Erika thank you for this inspiring post! I purposely put some time aside today, so I could read it and take it in.
There is so much to glean, and I love how you believe everything happened for a reason, for you to be right where you’re supposed to be.
In the faith part of myself, I see that as God working it all out for good – even with the tough stuff. We as humanity go through so many terrible things – including cancer, fear, different kinds of trauma and yet here we are now having learned from our experiences.
And you’re right I think, about needing time to pull away to be quiet. I do that sometimes through some of the toughest circumstances. To pray, meditate or just to be quiet is so valuable to us as people and brings so much healing. And in many ways this is where my poetry comes from. A place or a state of quiet.
So I think God directs our steps to bring us to where we are. And you’re right – we are always learning.
Thank you so much my friend! Blessings!

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Thank you so much for taking the time and reading the post. But also for leaving such an important comment.
The harder the challenges are we have to face the more difficult it is to accept that everything happens for a reason. Then again, right that can also be the ray of light we need to keep up faith, see everything from a higher perspective and not let life break us apart.
I have barely seen a faithful person like you, Nico. But even the most faithful one needs support. I am glad you are having such a wonderful family which only feeds your faith. You know how to regain strength and energy and you are such an inspiration here.
I am thankful for having you here with us and thankful that we met under thousands of bloggers.
Lots of blessings to you, dear friend!

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Thank you so much!. I am in tears! I’m so thankful for your blogging friendship, and I’m humbled by your kindness. And yes, meeting in the blogosphere has been an incredible blessing. Thank you for your wonderful and inspirational posts. You encourage so many! Peace and the greatest of blessings to you and your family my friend.

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Erika, nice reflections. I have not written this down, but when I have pondered others paths I may have taken, it brings home a point, that if I did that I may not have the family I have today. We are a compilation of our experiences and learnings. Having gone down a different path alters those experiences and learnings. So, I think we would make different decisions, merely because the questions may be different as well as our answers. Keith

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Isn’t it amazing to think about this? I love what you wrote here. Yes, we may make different experiences and also decisions. It would be interesting to see if they lead to the same points again just from a different side. I love thinking about this and hear other people’s opinions and thoughts about it. Thank you for sharing yours, Keith!

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Erika, thanks. I believe the most life changing decisions would impact our future. The easiest example is if you invested more time in an earlier budding relationship and it persevered. You may have never been looking for who you later found. Keith

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Wow, that is so so true. And so timely for me. Perhaps I should have done this. Then again… our lives and paths in each life are so unique. You never have a guarantee. So we should simply always do what we think is right in the very moment and we are true to ourselves at least.

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Erika, so true. If we try and do the right thing, we should be less reluctant to change a decision. With that said, there are some relationships I could have been better with in my youth. I reflect on moments I could have ended things better or invested more commitment. Keith

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I hear you very well. Since I reposted this one I reminded myself to be more thoughtful, tolerant, loving, and respectful in certain situations or towards closer and not so close people.

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…….as I read your response Erika I could hear Cher singing “if I could turn back time”……….ah yes, to do it all over again and maybe make only 1/2 of the mistakes 🙂 sending you peace!

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If I could go back and start again, with the knowledge I have now, I too would make different decisions. To do otherwise would suggest that I didn’t learn anything from either my mistakes, or from life in general. Would I have ended up in this same place? Geographically it is doubtful, but wherever the “new improved me” ended up, I would probably be in this same place as defined by my sense of position in our world; by my satisfaction of having contributed to so many aspects of society over the years; my acceptance, without any fear, of my ultimate end, and in my belief that we were all “designed” for a purpose, and are being directed towards that purpose. Our only decision now is whether to listen to our inner voice, or whether to get swept up in self-serving, materialistic ventures as demanded by our profit driven commercial sector. Surely the answer is a “no brainer”?

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I too believe that we have some specific destinations which we will reach this or that way or experiences we cannot prevent us from. So it is basically about how to reach those destinations and how to deal with those experiences. In the end, both are connected.
Yes, I would definitely make some things different. But then again, this would not be the life I had chosen because knowing the answer is not the challenge we need to develop.
Anyway, sometimes I wish I would get the chance again to change a word or an action. Forgiving yourself is the most difficult thing to do.
Thank you so much for this amazing comment, Colin! Always a pleasure to share thoughts with you!

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Reblogged this on Blog of Hammad Rais and commented:

Would I be here, where I’m right now, if I know about it when I started my journey?

One puzzling question this is indeed and I’m sure most of feel the same way at some point in our lives. Sometimes, what I go through a day makes me question the decisions I’ve made in my past about my current situation. The mistakes I’ve made along the way are just old wound marks now but a big reminder they are for me.

Strangely, I sensed strong alterations in my today’s mood. The reason were few thoughts about what I’m today and what I really want to be, which may not seem so harmful. But they dragged me for long, on rough surfaces of negativity.

Thanks to this post by Erika Kind, which acted like a rescuer for me, as I was able to be stand back on my feet and directed my focus on things that matters the most to me and to those who love and care for me.

Read it below!

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this is wonderful, erika. i am of the same mindset. interesting to reflect and ponder. with all i did or didn’t do, i somehow landed here. i’m a trial and error learner, so somewhat amazing I’m here at all . )

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Haha! I think we are very similar in the way we are learning.
It is thrilling to think back how everything came together. The worst experience can be the necessary stepstone for the greatest blessings.
Wishing you great blessings, Beth!

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