Whatever I write about are basically situations from life we all experience in our own ways. I take them and try to look beyond and around. Finding out more about backgrounds, contexts, consequences, seeing more in a situation than only how it may appear at first sight. In understanding that there is a reason behind all that happens may not solve the problem but it can lead to a solution or give important insights which make us seeing it all from a different perspective and helps to deal with what happens in a more constructive way.
This reminds me of a wonderful friend here on WordPress. She and her children got tyrannized by her husband for more than a decade. Back at that time and still after taking the step out of that nightmare she did not see her amazing strength which made her survive this all. She was taught to think that something was wrong with her because his voice was the only one she heard all the time telling her who she was and what she was doing wrong all the time. She kept going and found ways to not break down although fear was her constant companion. She managed a big household and family in a foreign culture and tried everything to please her husband in order to have back the happy life they used to have in the beginning. But it did not work out! She doubted herself but could not figure out what she did wrong since she did all he wanted. She was able to conform to his needs, to a foreign country, to manage her big family, and even serve her neighborhood in order to support her husband. But that was exactly the problem.
He was frustrated and could not manage his own inner world. He was unhappy with his life and that even back in his own country happiness did not come back. He did not realize that he needed to change something within. Instead, he tried to throw his frustration onto his wife. In the belief that he would feel better if she felt worse it would help. But she was so full of love and later full of fear that she stayed strong. He must have felt under pressure for some reason and she was the only one he could dominate. Whatever he did to her and what she desperately tried to please him, it did not solve his problem. It only made it worse because she mirrored something he wasn’t – strong, loyal, hopeful, loving!
Perhaps I am going a bit far here. But this is what I felt immediately when I read her posts. I saw her strength and him biting out his teeth on her powerful core. For far too long she believed it was all about her. I hope that she finally knows clearly that this has never been that way. He could terrorize her, scare her, humiliate her. But he couldn’t break here. Because in the end, she only grew from all she went through. It was her who pulled the plug and made that important step out of his broken world into building a new one for her and her children.
Her story shows that however things may appear on the surface they can be completely different once we look beneath the veil. Not she was weak, he was. It doesn’t change the past – and perhaps her ex-husband might still want to look at it his way because it would scare him to no end to see the truth but it is an insight that helps her to detach from a lie she was told to live. Not only that! Seeing that she was so strong to survive all the abuses and how far she has come after breaking out of his claws sets an unknown power free. The last lock was broken to breathe freely again.
When I started writing this post I had not expected me ending up talking about her story. I don’t believe in coincidences – it was meant to be that I got here. I am very impressed and she truly is an example to me that even the last little piece of courage is enough to make a change. She did not know how everything would turn out. It was a decision into the blue. She only knew that it cannot go on like this and she took the risk. I hope that she reads it and sees herself through the eyes of so many people here who are looking at her in admiration and deep respect.
In Love and Light