Forgiving Is For The Forgiver!

August 13th was the fourth day of the death of my father. That day was not only the day of my father’s death but also my grandpa’s birthday. No, this is not going to be a memorial post. But it reminded me of something very important regarding living in peace after someone left.

My grandpa was my best friend. He was funny, understanding, and full of love for me. He did not spare any effort to make me smile and spoil me. When I was a teenager I was often caught in my difficult developing world and I was very impatient. I got rude at times and although I was sorry, I did not have the courage to apologize. He never said a word. When he died I was in Liechtenstein and he was in Vienna. He was in a hospital for two days and I had no chance to talk to him anymore. It took me years to forgive myself.

My father was not one of the easy-going kind, very strict, and dominant. Due to the stress in his job, he was very nervous. I don’t want to go into detail because this is not where I want to go with this post. Anyway, an escalating situation in which I went beyond my fear to speak up gave me a huge insight.  All of a sudden I saw him, his fight, and his prison. At that moment I realized that it was never about me. He simply couldn’t get out of his skin. Something changed dramatically in the way I looked at him. I did not need him to understand me anymore because I could understand him. It was the moment I forgave him. I could not say goodbye to my father either. Our relationship got a lot smoother and closer too since I changed my perspective on him. When he died completely unexpectedly, hours before we all knew about it, there was not a single score to settle.

Both losses taught me how important it is to either talk to the person or to try to understand, where they come from.  When you get to that point something wonderful happens at the same time: You detach from your ego and align with the spirit beneath. You can apologize from your heart or you can openly look beyond the outer appearance of a person, beyond their behavior, actions, and words, and try to understand them. Not for them, but for you. When you understand that they are who they are because of their own history and their own beliefs you will be able to cut the cords of the past and see them in a different light…. in their real light beyond their human nature. This is the level where spirits connect and see that this physical life is a giving and receiving in so many ways.

But what, when this insight comes after that person passed? Is it too late? We only think so because we are still focused on life as we know it in this human body. Yes, it is true, they might not have known about it during their lifetimes. But once we leave our bodies we are freed from any physical boundaries. That means we are with everyone we want to be at any time and we do hear and feel others’ feelings. We are never more understanding than after we left this body. Then we have the overview and see the whole picture – our role included. There is no difference at all. When you have someone in your life you need to have a talk with you still can have it. The connection between two spirits is not bound to any physical presence. It still happens between the spirits and never between the egos. The only thing necessary is an open heart.

What happened, happened. There is no excuse for bad behaviors, humiliation, oppression, or worse. But there is a story behind your issues as well as there is a story behind other people’s issues. Even if we cannot (or don’t want to) see or understand the reason for other people’s behavior knowing that there is one might help to at least deal with it in a better way.

Whether you forgive yourself for what you did or did not do or if you forgive someone for what they did to you it is for your own sake! Look beyond and accept that we are here to learn from the mistakes we made. In the end, being at peace with what happened is about this insight – either way. Be thankful for whatever you realize about your own mistakes. You still have a chance to make something out of it.

In Love and Light

About the Author

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The purpose of my blog is to inspire and shine a light on the beauty and power of the wonderful being inside your body. You came into this world to share what only you can give. Remember who you really are, conquer the world the way you always wanted to, and become the blessing to us all that you were meant to be.


I love this post. A lot of us (moi included) have a tendency to see things from our perspective only, thinking it’s all about us. Broadening our perspective can really give us perspective—helping us see things from another persons point of view. I didn’t get to say goodbye to my mom and for years was wracked with guilt, as our last conversation was an argument. In that argument I was rather selfish in my point of view and stormed off angry—but then again, that’s life and life happens. But in hindsight—if I had it to do all over again—I’d like to think I would be a lot more selfless and less selfish, like I was on that day. Live, and learn, so they say. If we do… then maybe that awful memory I have of that day was not a total waste. ‘o)

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I understand that feeling and how guilty you must have felt. I totally do! I agree so much with you that this is life. We also need to be understanding with ourselves. We act and react out of the moment. We cannot always stop and think what all might happen within th next moment. There are endless possibilities. We would miss half of our life. Looking back we would make lots of things differently but only because we learned from the experience. If we learn from a traumatic experience then it was not in vain and had its purpose! Thank you very much for sharing your experience, Paul!


This…touched me so deeply and on so many levels. I’ve always struggled with this concept of forgiveness-forgetting-letting go. These states have always been so confusing to me. Your post provided me with much needed insight and I’m thankful that you decided to share your experience and help us too. As long as one learns and reflects on such life experiences I guess the pain and struggle is worth it. That’s what life is about after all.

Much love and hugs for you !❤️😘

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You said something so profound here, Zee: That is what life is about. We need to stumble or struggle in order to look into it, learn from it, and develop from it. Yes, that is life. That is why we came here. We wanted to learn through experience. I am glad that perhaps it helps you in some way to get closer to the point where you can lay the past at rest. 💖

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Thank you so much, Lynn! It is so important to find a way to truly forgive – ourselves or others. Nothing can be undone but all happened for a reason and that is the insight we might get in order to forgive! Thank you very much again!

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Unfortunately grief is a part of life and saying ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ seems so ineffectual. This actually reminds me of my grandfather who was really gruff to my mother but softened a bit when I was born. I didn’t grow up with a father.

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As various the stories are as various are the ways to deal with loss. Death and therefore grief absolutely is a part of life. It is important that we are grieving because then we can give the passed person their new place in our life. I think we only struggle with it when we avoid grieving… just a thought. Thank you for sharing your experiences, Marissa!


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