Forgiving Is For The Forgiver!

August 13th was the fourth day of the death of my father. That day was not only the day of my father’s death but also my grandpa’s birthday. No, this is not going to be a memorial post. But it reminded me of something very important regarding living in peace after someone left.

My grandpa was my best friend. He was funny, understanding, and full of love for me. He did not spare any effort to make me smile and spoil me. When I was a teenager I was often caught in my difficult developing world and I was very impatient. I got rude at times and although I was sorry, I did not have the courage to apologize. He never said a word. When he died I was in Liechtenstein and he was in Vienna. He was in a hospital for two days and I had no chance to talk to him anymore. It took me years to forgive myself.

My father was not one of the easy-going kind, very strict, and dominant. Due to the stress in his job, he was very nervous. I don’t want to go into detail because this is not where I want to go with this post. Anyway, an escalating situation in which I went beyond my fear to speak up gave me a huge insight.  All of a sudden I saw him, his fight, and his prison. At that moment I realized that it was never about me. He simply couldn’t get out of his skin. Something changed dramatically in the way I looked at him. I did not need him to understand me anymore because I could understand him. It was the moment I forgave him. I could not say goodbye to my father either. Our relationship got a lot smoother and closer too since I changed my perspective on him. When he died completely unexpectedly, hours before we all knew about it, there was not a single score to settle.

Both losses taught me how important it is to either talk to the person or to try to understand, where they come from.  When you get to that point something wonderful happens at the same time: You detach from your ego and align with the spirit beneath. You can apologize from your heart or you can openly look beyond the outer appearance of a person, beyond their behavior, actions, and words, and try to understand them. Not for them, but for you. When you understand that they are who they are because of their own history and their own beliefs you will be able to cut the cords of the past and see them in a different light…. in their real light beyond their human nature. This is the level where spirits connect and see that this physical life is a giving and receiving in so many ways.

But what, when this insight comes after that person passed? Is it too late? We only think so because we are still focused on life as we know it in this human body. Yes, it is true, they might not have known about it during their lifetimes. But once we leave our bodies we are freed from any physical boundaries. That means we are with everyone we want to be at any time and we do hear and feel others’ feelings. We are never more understanding than after we left this body. Then we have the overview and see the whole picture – our role included. There is no difference at all. When you have someone in your life you need to have a talk with you still can have it. The connection between two spirits is not bound to any physical presence. It still happens between the spirits and never between the egos. The only thing necessary is an open heart.

What happened, happened. There is no excuse for bad behaviors, humiliation, oppression, or worse. But there is a story behind your issues as well as there is a story behind other people’s issues. Even if we cannot (or don’t want to) see or understand the reason for other people’s behavior knowing that there is one might help to at least deal with it in a better way.

Whether you forgive yourself for what you did or did not do or if you forgive someone for what they did to you it is for your own sake! Look beyond and accept that we are here to learn from the mistakes we made. In the end, being at peace with what happened is about this insight – either way. Be thankful for whatever you realize about your own mistakes. You still have a chance to make something out of it.

In Love and Light

About the Author

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The purpose of my blog is to inspire and shine a light on the beauty and power of the wonderful being inside your body. You came into this world to share what only you can give. Remember who you really are, conquer the world the way you always wanted to, and become the blessing to us all that you were meant to be.


Great post, Erika! I forgave my father for not really being in my life when I was growing up a few years back. He really upset and hurt me when he didn’t even go to my college graduation. He sent me a card in the mail months later. I worked really hard to get my bachelors degree. I already forgave him for this too. He saw me once or twice a year when I was growing up. The thing that’s upsetting now is that he continues to disregard my feelings. He expects me to contact him and do all of the work but why should I? It’s a two-way street and I don’t have time for it. He told me the same thing when I was a child. Well you could have called me. You could have made plans. I have to cut people out of my life who act like this towards me. It’s sad that I have to do that to my own family. He does everything for my half brother like pay his bills, buy him cars, pay for college, he tutored him, he took care of him whenever he was sick, basically whatever my half brother wants he gets. My half brother doesn’t understand any of this and says my father is really trying but he isn’t. All of this has taught me to be stronger and appreciate things more because I actually have to work for what I have. I’ve tried to show some empathy but I guess I’m not that strong just yet. I’m glad you were able to forgive.

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In some way you don’t even need to show empathy. You said it yourself, it is a two-way street. But your father doesn’t even act after his own words. So, different rules for him and others …. which says it all. I understand how much this can hurt to be ignored or treated second class. But then again, although he is your father, you are not obliged to treat him as a father even though it is sad. But as you said yourself: You learned even more to appreciate what you achieved and for sure you achieved much more that way. Once you see the blessings behind challenging situations it is also a way that helps forgiving. We all have certain roles here and we play them for ourselves and for others in order to help them to achieve their soul plans. Perhaps one time you will see the full reason why your father had to be the way he is in order to make you develop the way you needed to in order to arrive where you are meant to and where you find what you were always looking for!

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I know what you mean! I believe that we all have at least one person we wish we could talk to eye to eye only one more time with the knowing of today! I am glad you found a way to forgive her in order for you to find peace 💖

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This has made me look at myself hard. My mother behaves the way she does because of learnt behaviour, jelousy, and a wicked spirit. I can’t wipe away her nastiness but I can see she wouldn’t choose to be the way she is. Thank you time to let go I think.😇

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I think it is time now. It is not a coincidence that you read it right here right now. Yes, we have no control over the behavior of others. Whatever makes them behave the way they do is their decision. It is just sad that they don’t see how they bother themselves. But it is important that you know that it is not about you! Lots of hugs. Perhaps this here helps too in the process

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