Forgiving Is For The Forgiver!

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August 13th was the fourth day of death of my father. That day was not only the day of my father’s death but also my grandpa’s birthday. No, this is not going to be a memorial post. But it reminded me of something very important regarding living in peace after someone left.

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My grandpa was my best friend. He was funny, understanding, and full of love for me. He did not spare any effort to make me smile and spoil me. When I was a teenager I was often caught in my difficult developing world and I was very impatient. I got rude at times and although I was sorry, I did not have the courage to apologize. He never said a word. When he died I was in Liechtenstein and he was in Vienna. He was in a hospital for two days and I had no chance to talk to him anymore. It took me years to forgive myself.

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My father was not one of the easy-going kind, very strict, and dominant. Due to the stress in his job he was very nervous. I don’t want to go into detail because this is not where I want to go with this post. Anyway, an escalating situation in which I went beyond my fear to speak up gave me a huge insight.  All of a sudden I saw him, his fight and his prison. In that moment I realized that it was never about me. He simply couldn’t get out of his skin. Something changed dramatically in the way I looked at him. I did not need him to understand me anymore because I could understand him. It was the moment I forgave him. I could not say goodbye to my father either. Our relationship got a lot smoother and closer too since I changed my perspective about him. When he died completely unexpected, hours before we all knew about it, there was not a single score to settle.

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Both losses taught me how important it is to either talk to the person or to try to understand, where they come from.  When you get to that point something wonderful happens at the same time: You detach from your ego and align with the spirit beneath. You can apologize from your heart or you can openly look beyond the outer appearance of a person, beyond their behavior, actions, and words and try to understand them. Not for them, but for you. When you understand that they are who they are because of their own history and their own beliefs you will be able to cut the cords of the past and see them in a different light…. in their real light beyond their human nature. This is the level where spirits connect and see that this physical life is a giving and receiving in so many ways.

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But what, when this insight comes after that person passed? Is it too late? We only think so because we are still focused on the life as we know it in this human body. Yes, it is true, they might not have known about it during their lifetimes. But once we leave our bodies we are freed from any physical boundaries. That means we are with everyone we want to be at any time and we do hear and feel other’s feelings. We are never more understanding than after we left this body. Then we have the overview and see the whole picture – our role included. There is no difference at all. When you have someone in your life you need to have a talk with you still can have it. The connection between two spirits is not bound to any physical presence. It still happens between the spirits and never between the egos. The only thing necessary is the open heart.

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What happened, happened. There is no excuse for bad behaviors, for humiliation, oppression, or worse. But there is a story behind your issues as well as there is a story behind other people’s issues. Even if we cannot (or don’t want to) see or understand the reason for other people’s behavior knowing that there is one might help to at least deal with it in a better way.

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Whether you forgive yourself for what you did or did not do or if you forgive someone for what they did to you it is for your own sake! Look beyond and accept that we are here to learn from the mistakes we made. In the end, being at peace with what happened is about this insight – either way. Be thankful for whatever you realize about your own mistakes. You still have a chance to make something out of it.

In Love and Light

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Author, Poetess, Singer, Mom, Life Explorer Remember who you really are and conquer the world the way you always wanted!

62 Comments

This is a lovely post, Erika that I could really relate to I agree with you, that sometimes you have to try and understand where a person is coming from, as it does make you more tolerant to their behaviour. Forgiveness is sometimes about giving yourself the power back, and freeing yourself from bad feeling and negative energy which only drags you down.

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You summed that all up wonderfully, Sis. We cannot expect the other person to all of a sudden change completely and call us for forgiveness because they might not see a reason. So if we want to free ourselves, we must change something in our way we look at the situation or we hurt ourselves even longer!

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