After we lost our cat and thought of getting a new one, I thought a lot about beginnings and endings and how different people look at them. Some feel guilty about starting something new after something ended. I often observed this in relationships. My mother-in-law felt guilty about enjoying life after her husband died. She spent 23 years in depression that she caused by her conviction that she does not deserve to be happy and has to grieve for the rest of her life. She thought it was not ok to feel or show joy. That’s why on the one hand, she complained about being lonely but on the other hand, hid in her house, avoiding any company. I totally understand the shock, the missing, and all the struggles that go along with such a loss. It all needs time, and people should take their individual time. What I mean here is that some think they must bury themselves in sadness as an unwritten law.

Everybody is entitled to be happy, regardless of what happened and what others think about it. But to make everything a healthy experience, I think the important point is the intention behind it. Why do we start something new? Is it to distract from the loss? That won’t work well in the long run. When a close person or being passes away that room cannot be filled with anyone or anything else. If we try doing so there will remain an even bigger void and disappointment since no one fits in. Also, the pressure on another person (or ourselves) only grows. But if we don’t welcome others in our lives because we feel guilty about “replacing” a loved one, it creates another misunderstanding. Starting over after a loss does not necessarily mean, looking out for a new partner or a substitute. It simply means: living life, enjoying life, feeling alive! And from there: accepting and welcoming all that goes along with it.

What I learned from the losses I experienced in the past: Those who left don’t take the space along, they filled our hearts with. They keep it. It is in understanding that they will always have that place in our hearts, no matter what. Our hearts have so much more space than only for a limited number of people. For example, whether we have one, two, three, or more children, each one is loved to the core. I think that is an important part of the grieving process: Granting the loved ones who passed away their space while we do not close ourselves off from life. To enjoy life never stands in opposition to missing someone forever. It also doesn’t mean we push them aside to banish the sadness. That would only eat us up over time. Life is a constant process of come and go, beginnings and endings, birth and death.

Life goes on! We can’t stop the earth from revolving. Otherwise, we cannot follow its speed anymore. It is our decision to hold dear to our hearts what once was but will never get lost while we stay open for life. We don’t lose anyone by being happy. But by following our happy nature we can love much better – the ones in heaven as well as the ones on earth – and ourselves.

Nothing can change what happened but if we look ahead,
we can make a change happen – or so I think.

In Love and Light