Last Monday, I shared a post (Insights – When You Least Expect Them) about a sudden insight into something that was haunting me for decades and dissolved instantly. It seems that this kind of insight has been chasing me lately. It is incredible! Again, it just happened.

You know, I am scheduling my posts up to 14 days ahead (or. even longer when a break coming up). So, the post for Monday, June 17, got scheduled about 3 to 4 weeks ahead. It was a repost of “What Would You Do If There Were No Limits?”. Little did I know that I was posting this for myself. You need to know that we closed our company by April 30. I was on a job search for quite a few weeks. I wanted to do something different and turn my back on the finance and compliance world. I tried to slow it down a little since I still have my own company which is already time-consuming and challenging. However, any job application was either not answered at all, or they told me I was overqualified. On one hand, my tendency to have security (in this case “financial security”) was pushing me, while at the same time, this voice in my head reminded me that I didn’t need to worry. The perfect job will find me.

About 3 weeks ago I got a call from a company we started working with shortly before we decided to close the company. The manager asked me if I was still searching for a job because they needed someone with my expertise and experience. On the one hand, I was delighted, but on the other hand, a dull feeling took control of my stomach. Again, it was the finance world. Shall I make it only because it is the only option I have right now (when even a good one)? Or shall I keep my direction to go into a different work field? But, as you know, I never throw a chance away only because it scares me. The CEO welcomed me very kindly and we had a wonderful discussion. They are convinced that I would bring great benefits to the company. Unfortunately, those expectations only increased the pressure on me. When I heard what possible tasks I had to do, I thought, “Oh no, mainly what I did before”. Again, it was a good meeting for 1.5 hours and we agreed to work together. The coming few days left me pondering and I got scared and insecure. I still feel like I am not made for this kind of occupation and would rather work something less demanding. BUT then I published that repost I talked about above. To reply to the comments I needed to read my post again which already got a small stone rolling but too little for me to notice yet. Then two comments hit my old mindset like a bomb. Here are the comments from Colin and Mark:

Colin’s comment:
Two quotes come immediately come to mind:
“If you have everything to gain, and nothing to lose ………. do it!”
Another from many years ago which states (paraphrasing):
“Lack of time is not an excuse for not following your dreams. We have the same amount of time available as Mother Theresa; as Thomas Edison; as Benjamin Franklin; as Henry Ford, and so many others. The only difference between us all is how we decide(d) to use the time we have.”

The crucial excerpt of Mark’s comment:
… But an interesting thing I found in it all…it was that acceptance of me that showed I didn’t have to do anything in particular. I was urging myself to be something, and that is needed…until we do accept us. And it finally stops wanting to be ‘something’, simply because the driver was ever those doubts in some way or form…until we do something that is built on that acceptance of us.
It all has a place, from those much earlier times where we just follow what we are taught. Until a nudge to dare those dreams in some form, become those dreams that give an acceptance of us. Then dared again to refine them, to that acceptance we have inside. Until finally seeing that beauty within us and let go those doubts and fears, and accept what we do from a no longer ‘judged’, us or others, place within us.
Acceptance is a very powerful thing, and when we do finally touch that place we realize the beauty of this entire journey. That it all has its place so we can eventually find us, that love within, the driver of it all.

The proverbial scales fell from my eyes. What do I have to lose? Why use excuses like “I cannot do that”? I was not even aware that I used this excuse until Colin mentioned the quotes. Then yes, why did I use this excuse? I did because I was afraid to accept myself and take responsibility for this kind of work. I felt like this matter would not fit me only because I pushed this all away from me. The question I should have asked myself, was: Why is it that I get drawn into the same situation again and again? Is it because I have to make more effort to get somewhere else or because there I will be able to untie a knot for my development? The lightbulbs started to shine even brighter and an inner clarity told me that the second option was the correct one. I only have to accept myself, open myself, and get involved. My resistance created my fear which created more resistance and fear. Realizing this opened my heart instantly. I could feel a heavy curtain, that blocked my view for so long, just pushed itself to the side. I looked back at my old (only seconds older) me and could hardly understand that I believed this illusion for so many years, while now I was so relieved and fully motivated to take that chance. Thinking of my new job and a new chance has generated a feeling of anticipation and excited curiosity. What a change!!

What about you, when was your last moment of deep insight that changed your view on yourself within the twinkle of an eye sustainably?