I don’t know about you, but I am one of those who tend to push themselves to always have a solution at hand. It may have to do with the desire to help others and to be in control of life. It may also have to do with trained pressure to perform if you were constantly under the expectation to deliver the best results.
So, when something happens that you don’t have an answer or solution at hand, it can cause insecurity, nervousness, the feeling of failure, and all the physical reactions to it. It can even go that far that you are nervous and insecure while expecting something that could happen that you don’t have control over. That can lead to anxiety, panic attacks, loss of self-esteem, feeling stressed out constantly, constant stomach pain, chronic digestive disorders, sleeping disorders, heart insufficiencies, raised blood pressure, and more. Here the question arises of what was first, the chicken or the egg? For example, low self-esteem is one of the causes of fleeing to perfection and control, giving up responsibility, and following the crowd or particular dominant persons. And it can also cause all the other mental problems I mentioned before. In the end, this all may lead to a vicious circle anyway.
The crazy thing is that mostly no one expects you to have an answer ready all the time. Nobody expects this perfection. No one even demands that you constantly fling solutions out of your sleeve and be flawless. Nobody… except oneself. Isn’t it madness that we only believe we must meet the highest standards? Even if it is really so in individual cases that one gets under such pressure, the pressure causer themselves is probably subject to self-imposed perfection thinking and passes it on.
Yes, I am speaking from experience here. For a long time, I was not aware that I was subject to this misconception and that the level of perfection was up to me. After all, when is something perfect? I believe it is one’s own idea of conforming to an imagination. Because where is the measure set? What are the standards to be met? Ultimately, one becomes a slave to an interpretation of expectations. It leads to or results from the desire to be accepted, tied to one’s ability to satisfy others fully. It is a losing game because perfection can never be achieved but only hunted like a mirage.
Once in that circle, it is quite a process until you recognize the big misunderstanding. But when realized, the journey out of it begins instantly, when even though there are a lot of hurdles to overcome:
- Taking responsibility for yourself and not blaming others for your pressure
- Overcoming the need to explain yourself constantly
- Avoiding any possible situations that may confront you again with the challenge facing your idea of perfection
- Accepting the inability to know what to do in certain situations
- Accepting that you are not perfect and being completely fine with it
- Accepting yourself the way you are
There is more, of course, that goes along with the development. Each achieved step opens up new fields to work yourself through until you can finally free yourself.
But the results are priceless and make you feel like new born:
- Unknown relief when that cord around your chest and neck got cut
- Freedom of walking your way and not even thinking of anyone’s approval
- Loss of fear and the gained joy of experimenting
- Appreciation and gratitude
- Better health
- Natural liberal thinking and acceptance of yourself (and others)
- Love and respect for yourself (and others)
To sum it up, it leads to simple contentment. And that is what needs to be achieved because then, everything is just perfect.
Do I know how to achieve this all best? Do I have an idea, at which point I know that I made it? Do I know how long the process will take? I have no clue… and I am fine with that answer.
All I can say is:
Enjoy yourself and feel good in doing it.
Everything else will follow.
And if someone is not fine that you value yourself
and take care of your inner and outer well-being
tell them about your journey to inner freedom.
In Love and Light