Life is rarely black or white. There are more gray areas than we can even imagine. There are solutions and options that we don’t even think of. So why do we often get so stuck in a rut and not deviate from it one millimeter? How can people be so short-sighted when they arrive at what appears to be a dead end. After all, there is still left, right, up, and back. But for that, one would have to turn. A person’s point of view results from what they have experienced and come to know so far. It is human to judge from one’s own perspective and knowledge. But no matter what age, it is not mature to think that the way in my head is the way things can work.

A few weeks ago, I realized how unexpectedly fast my own business is developing. It is a joy to see that what I hoped for is working. I still have so many plans in my head and heart, BUT I am also employed. I came to a point where I had to decide if I should continue as I am and thus keep my business artificially small for a few more years, or if I should take a chance and dedicate myself fully to making my dreams come true. I was convinced that there was only an either-or, black or white, hop or drop. And I decided to go for my own business. I knew what this would mean for my business partner and the company. We are a very small team, and I am on the board of management. If I were to leave, it would create a void that would not be easy to fill and certainly not quickly. I don’t want to go into detail here, but it could go as far as going out of business.

As expected, my business partner was shocked when he heard this. Although he knew my business and had seen it grow, he was completely puzzled when I said I was leaving the company. It wasn’t just about the work but about losing part of an A-team that was perfectly in tune and trusted each other blindly with mutual appreciation. Still, he didn’t try to convince me to keep everything as it was but spontaneously tried to find compromises to make both parts work. He knows what my business means to me. But I was not open to that at all. I just wanted to have the freedom to go only the one way I had in mind and focus only on that undisturbed. I expected relief when I was finally determined and brave enough to take that step. And yes, I was relieved when I had the conversation behind me. But was I also satisfied?

Not at all! Something felt very wrong. After talking it out, I realized I was about to lose something I didn’t want to lose (yet). So now, even though I clearly had the picture in my mind of finally doing exclusively what my heart was attached to, something told me that this path was not the right one. It wasn’t guilt creeping in. It was just that such an abrupt change was too soon. I realized that I cared about all of this more than I thought I would. But I didn’t recognize that until I was about to lose it. If I were to leave, it would mean that part of the soul of the company would disappear. I hadn’t considered that part of my soul might be left behind as well. Now it was me who was thinking about compromise.
The next day, I suggested a drastic reduction of my presence instead of completely leaving. We agreed in principle and only have to figure out how to handle it since I would no longer be participating in the day-to-day operations. NOW I am satisfied and everybody is feeling good about this option.

Long story short: Perhaps sometimes we feel like hunted animals and run desperately in a particular direction. But it is us, chasing ourselves through our imagination. The stress and pressure we put on ourselves blind us to any option. But there is always an option. Maybe the mind tells us left, but the feeling says, out there are more options to bring holistic satisfaction and fulfillment. All it takes is stepping back, and looking at everything from a distance. Sometimes it is not one way but one that only appears when we are open to compromise.

In Love and Light