For today I decided to pick a card from Dennis Linn’s Gateway Oracle Cards. I love those cards since they are like nailing messages to show the way out of a maze. The card I picked is “Accepting What Is”:

Wow, that struck a cord. For about a week before writing this post (which was two weeks ago), I have had difficulties with some past happenings surfacing. They opened up old wounds and have held me tightly in their fist of emotions. It comes down to not being able to let the past pass and to forgiving. Although I thought, years ago, that I made it. But no! It doesn’t happen consciously since I am definitely not pondering what I could think of that makes me feel bad. It gets triggered by something and shows that it has not been worked out yet. The problem with that thorn sticking so deep is that I look at the present with the eyes of a past me. That draws the past into the present and keeps me from creating a different future present. Oh, and didn’t I write a few times about the healing effect of acceptance lately? I know, and still, something so deep-rooted always catches up again and surprises me by wrapping me in a cloud that takes my orientation and dims the view.

So, yes, this card is more than timely and shows the profound effect of accepting it again. Accepting what was (I cannot change it anyway), accepting what is (it inspires my creativity), but most of all accepting who I was and who I am in this moment. Accepting, that I don’t need to be ashamed of not standing up for myself, that I don’t need to feel worthless when I could not make people listen, that I don’t need to fall into despair because I have still not made it to escape those claws. Accepting that I might not have worked on the healing, but (although thinking I did) tried to leave the past behind by turning away. Accepting, that this is my chance, now, that the feelings are so challenging and reminding me to take the bull by the horns and let myself fall deep into it – no matter how long it may take or how others react. Finally, silencing the ego and allowing myself to be “weak” by keeping this gate open for letting the poison come off eventually. It needs to be to not stumble over those hurdles on my way repeatedly to let my potential flow into all the things I want to achieve.

I am not writing this because I feel so sorry for myself or because I want anybody to feel sorry for me. That’s of no use and would only be counterproductive. I do it because I want to encourage you not to misunderstand yourself which happens so easily. We think we found “it”. We think we got the clue. We think we know the way. Sometimes we may be right, but only when we do feel this truth. As long as we only “think” we made it, it has not happened. Yes, it is important to make a conscious decision. But it is more than just saying I decided to accept. Because what we need to decide is accepting the journey to acceptance. I wasn’t aware of it. And I don’t know how long it will take and how many places I have to travel until I can forgive those who hurt me completely eventually – or to forgive myself completely, that I kept me in that prison.

So, what I want to say with this post is:
Be very patient with yourself. Don’t expect too much too fast from yourself. Don’t think you are so strong because then you tend to ignore the feelings that need to be felt. It needs so much more strength to let them happen that is already part of the necessary insight and deep healing. The path to healing and forgiving is so individual. It is individual for each person, and the several paths to healing in one person are individual.

There is no right or wrong.
There is only a going along and see where it takes you.
There is only acceptance of embracing yourself by taking the challenge.
There is only acceptance.

In Love and Light