It is interesting what thoughts lead to the next one and the next one, and how they take you to solutions or insights you would never expect them to tell from the first thought. Lately, I was helping someone moving into a new apartment. They moved into our closer neighborhood. While I was driving to that apartment, I was thinking of how the area had changed only within the past 5 years. Many things came to my mind that changed in general during that time, and my thoughts went 20, 30 years back. I began to think of what my life impacted, what pushed me, what directed me, what guided me, and what I myself moved (with or without the influence from outside). Even though I often think that I got stuck when emotions are surfacing which I thought I had worked out when actually, I was only successfully pushing them back.
During the past months, certain heavy fears about the future developed. It is not kind of negative assumption but inevitable developments. The question is not “if” but “when”. Although I am fully aware that it does not make sense to worry about them because I only dim the joy of the current moment, they had such power over me. The reason is that the object behind is so meaningful to me. However, while thinking back on my life, I began to think of the meaningful things in life, the highlights, the things, happenings, or consequences that felt like the biggest blessings. I realized that most of them emerged from deep disappointments, sadness, broken hearts, isolation. I knew it, but in that very moment, I understood it more than ever: Life always goes on, not even the hardest times are meant to last, everything is in motion and will slip into (a new) order again, there is a solution for every problem. All of a sudden, I noticed that all those fears were gone. They were simply gone. And even as I type this, my eyes fill with tears again, because I feel such a relief that I have wished for so long. A feeling of complete peace and faith. I could finally let go It simply happened even without a painful experience to go through. And it happened within only seconds. I am in awe.
Then this thought came to my mind: What if I knew that I was only given one day? What would I do? It was clear to me: I would simply absorb life in every possible way and with full awareness. I would not spend a single thought of resentment but would forgive happily. I would not make my ego smile, but everyone around me. I would step over my comfort zone and say what my heart wants to share. Would I do something crazy to check it off my bucket list? Maybe not. Maybe I would just do what I always do but with this higher awareness that broke through.
Probably I won’t have the pre-information. Maybe it was a good idea to develop this attitude right away… just in case…
In Love and Light