Don’t Blame Yourself For What The Fool Did!

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A lot of people came to my mind who gave their last for someone who took that all for granted or who used them deliberately.

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OK, we need to learn not to just trust everyone at first sight and if the same person played a false game again we should let them play it alone. But sometimes you can have a really good feeling about someone and you are open to giving them second chances. Unfortunately, there are people out there who don’t care for other people’s feelings but only for their own benefits. Those people don’t understand that they have a responsibility when they have other people’s trust or even their hearts. Perhaps they feel overwhelmed when someone opens up to them or they simply only care for themselves. If they find someone willing to fulfill their needs they take it gladly but of course, after a while nice words disappear like dust when they are not honest.

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As we know, we see the world the way we are and good-hearted people believe in the good of others. The worse it is when they are waking up one day and seeing that someone only played with them and that spoken or even written words were only empty shells to keep them on board. It breaks their hearts but what is even harder is that through their open-hearted way they may experience this more often and in the end they are blaming themselves for everything and the fight against themselves begins.

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And this holds good for any relationship. The ones to whom the relationship means more drift into dependency and do everything to get back to the point where they once were or what they believed there was. They are questioning themselves, their actions, their attitudes, their whole being that something must be wrong with them and bury themselves in self-accusations. They are begging for answers in order to make it all up again – but they are rejected. They lose self-esteem and start hiding their hearts because they don’t want to be hurt anymore. But since this is not who they are they feel torn apart inside. What is an important lesson to learn and insight to gain is that not the fooled one has to be cleared out but the fool!

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It is necessary to step back and look at the situation from a distance. Only when the fooled one realizes that it is not a bad attitude to have an open heart but to abuse open hearts the healing can begin. Never feel bad because you trusted. It is the person who had bad intentions even though they would never confess it.

Don’t expect an apology, you won’t get it.
Don’t expect them to understand, they won’t.
Don’t drift into resentments, they only harm you.
Don’t ever think how unfair it is because one thing is for sure: They fight the bigger fight.

You can detach from such people and slowly get back to who you are. But imagine how isolated they must feel when they never let someone into their hearts but push them away constantly for what reason ever. They are the real victim because, in the end, it is all coming back to them.

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Free yourself from the dependency of a toxic relationship, send them love, and then never look back. Those people don’t matter in your life. In detaching and leaving the disappointments and scars with the cause you become free for those who do matter! Stay open-minded and you will see soon so many good things coming your way. Just turn your face towards the sun.

In Love and Light

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Author, Poetess, Singer, Mom, Life Explorer, Business Woman, Therapist Remember who you really are and conquer the world the way you always wanted!

35 Comments

I feel sorry for people like this Erika, the ones whom we trust, give the benefit of the doubt and a second chance etc.. Only for them to take and wound again..
Learning to step away, step back, and detach is something I didn’t want to do, in the relationship with my Mother… But the more I tried to communicate, the more I saw the only person who was being wounded was myself..
Your quotes are all brilliant, but I love the last picture quote in particular… People have often said how can you detach?? its not an easy choice by any means, but we have to understand that some people enjoy ‘Feeding’ from our emotions, seeing us upset, as they twist their weapons of words deeper into our wounds..
So experience has taught me that if we don’t all we are doing is allowing ourselves to feel victim and so perpetuate the circle..
Breaking away, detaching, and not allowing them the ammunition to fire their weaponry in what ever form that takes and learning that often they do not realise just what it is they are doing in hurting others… So learning to forgive them and ourselves in the parts we play in this exchange of energy is crucial..

Another well written post Erika.. good to be catching back up with you.. 💖💖💖

Liked by 1 person

As always you met so many aspects at the core, Sue. It is the hardest to detach from people which are supposed to be the closest to us. And it takes a lot of experiences until we understand that we are not obliged to not detach only because they are family. (What you said about your relationship with your mom is a perfect example.) But even tougher the lesson to learn and of course, it is a long way to get there. But then again, that detaching can even bring healing into the relationship when that one person has not the power over us that very person is used to. Once they learned their lesson it can also be such a relief to let those go they wounded for too long, only because they could not deal with themselves.
Detachment helps both. But the interesting thing is that it is always the seemingly weaker person who detaches eventually which then again makes it the stronger one.
Actually, it is barely a sign of strength to humiliate or dominate others. Rather a sign of excessive demand.
This is a bigger topic than it may appear on first sight. I am surprised myself.
Thank you for you wonderful comment once again, Sue

Liked by 1 person

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