A lot of people came to my mind who gave their last for someone who took that all for granted or who used them deliberately.
OK, we need to learn not to just trust everyone at first sight and if the same person played a false game again we should let them play it alone. But sometimes you can have a really good feeling about someone and you are open to giving them second chances. Unfortunately, there are people out there who don’t care for other people’s feelings but only for their own benefit. Those people don’t understand that they have a responsibility when they have other people’s trust or even their hearts. Perhaps they feel overwhelmed when someone opens up to them or they simply only care for themselves. If they find someone willing to fulfill their needs they take it gladly but of course, after a while nice words disappear like dust when they are not honest.
As we know, we see the world the way we are and good-hearted people believe in the good of others. The worst is when they wake up one day and see that someone only played with them and that spoken or even written words were only empty shells to keep them on board. It breaks their hearts but what is even harder is that through their open-hearted way, they may experience this more often, and in the end, they are blaming themselves for everything and the fight against themselves begins.
And this holds good for any relationship. The ones to whom the relationship means more drift into dependency and do everything to get back to the point where they once were or what they believed there was. They are questioning themselves, their actions, their attitudes, their whole being that something must be wrong with them and bury themselves in self-accusations. They are begging for answers to make it all up again – but they are rejected. They lose self-esteem and start hiding their hearts because they don’t want to be hurt anymore. But since this is not who they are they feel torn apart inside. What is an important lesson to learn and insight to gain is that not the fooled one has to be cleared out but the fool!
It is necessary to step back and look at the situation from a distance. Only when the fooled one realizes that it is not a bad attitude to have an open heart but to abuse open hearts the healing can begin. Never feel bad because you trusted. It is the person who had bad intentions even though they would never confess it.
Don’t expect an apology, you won’t get it.
Don’t expect them to understand, they won’t.
Don’t drift into resentments, they only harm you.
Don’t ever think how unfair it is because one thing is for sure: They fight the bigger fight.
You can detach from such people and slowly get back to who you are. But imagine how isolated they must feel when they never let someone into their hearts but push them away constantly for what reason ever. They are the real victim because, in the end, it is all coming back to them.
Free yourself from the dependency of a toxic relationship, send them love, and then never look back. Those people don’t matter in your life. In detaching and leaving the disappointments and scars with the cause you become free for those who do matter! Stay open-minded and you will see soon so many good things coming your way. Just turn your face towards the sun.
In Love and Light
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I feel sorry for people like this Erika, the ones whom we trust, give the benefit of the doubt and a second chance etc.. Only for them to take and wound again..
Learning to step away, step back, and detach is something I didn’t want to do, in the relationship with my Mother… But the more I tried to communicate, the more I saw the only person who was being wounded was myself..
Your quotes are all brilliant, but I love the last picture quote in particular… People have often said how can you detach?? its not an easy choice by any means, but we have to understand that some people enjoy ‘Feeding’ from our emotions, seeing us upset, as they twist their weapons of words deeper into our wounds..
So experience has taught me that if we don’t all we are doing is allowing ourselves to feel victim and so perpetuate the circle..
Breaking away, detaching, and not allowing them the ammunition to fire their weaponry in what ever form that takes and learning that often they do not realise just what it is they are doing in hurting others… So learning to forgive them and ourselves in the parts we play in this exchange of energy is crucial..
Another well written post Erika.. good to be catching back up with you.. 💖💖💖
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As always you met so many aspects at the core, Sue. It is the hardest to detach from people which are supposed to be the closest to us. And it takes a lot of experiences until we understand that we are not obliged to not detach only because they are family. (What you said about your relationship with your mom is a perfect example.) But even tougher the lesson to learn and of course, it is a long way to get there. But then again, that detaching can even bring healing into the relationship when that one person has not the power over us that very person is used to. Once they learned their lesson it can also be such a relief to let those go they wounded for too long, only because they could not deal with themselves.
Detachment helps both. But the interesting thing is that it is always the seemingly weaker person who detaches eventually which then again makes it the stronger one.
Actually, it is barely a sign of strength to humiliate or dominate others. Rather a sign of excessive demand.
This is a bigger topic than it may appear on first sight. I am surprised myself.
Thank you for you wonderful comment once again, Sue
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Loved your post Erika and yes the topic has many layers too 🙂💕
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😊😊
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Reblogged this on Where Genres Collide Traci Kenworth YA Author & Book Blogger.
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Thank you so much for these words! I really needed to read them! I especially love the part of not feeling bad because we trusted.
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I is a repost from two years ago. To tell from your comments, I know now whey I picked this one. I am glad I did. Yes, we must not question ourselves because we got tricked and we must not be discouraged to trust again. We would punish ourselves that way.
Thank you for your comment, Nico!
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Peace my friend.
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Thank you and same to you, Nico!
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Erika, well done. I have shared before one of my favorite authors is Malcolm Gladwell. He has a new book coming out called “Talking to strangers.” In essence, he notes what psychologists have said for years, that we are too trusting of strangers telling us the truth. He used a term called the “truth acceptance doctrine.” When not dealing with family and close friends, we need to be more guarded and not just believe what people tell us.
He went on to say when we go to clubs or parties to meet people and introduce alcohol or some other drug, we actually are worse at judging whether people are being truthful.
It shows how easily we can be manipulated or even “gaslighted” like some people in position of leadership are doing today.. Keith
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Oh, yes, although we believe that we are mature and reasonable we are so easy to be trappes depending on what others say and what we may miss or fear. Perhaps we believe what strangers say right because they don’t know us and we think it is objective… which it never is anyway!
Thank you for sharing, Keith!
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I was thinking about this some more. People who know the stranger know not to trust him or her. There was a foreboding, but simple line from someone who did business with Trump companies, who had a habit of not paying contractors what they are owed. He said simply, “Word on the street is get your money up front” when dealing with Trump. That speaks volumes.
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OMG! How pityful and alerting again!
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Thank you for great motivation, Erika! Very appreciated! Michael
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As always, my happiness if I could ignite some motivation. Thank you, Michael!
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Really an interesting post, Erika 🙂
You are right, I think that mostly of us have been in such kind of relationship in one or another way.
This is very toxic and if we continue long time enough, we get physical challenges too.
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Absolutely, the longer we are in energies which are not matching who we are we will get sick, both physically and mentally. It may be a long way to realize how we let others control our feelings and abuse our heart’s generosity but once we do, it is nearly impossible to pull us back down again.
Thank you, Irene 💖
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Thank you too, Erika ❤
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Those toxic relationships only drain you of your life force. It’s sad that there are people who only care about themselves to such a degree that no one else’s feelings matter. It is up to the individual to detach themself and not blame themself. Superb post, Erika!
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Meanwhile I see those people to be sent for teaching us to step up for ourselves and stop identifying with what others did to us. The process of learning to detach, like you said! Thanks a lot, Sylvester!
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You’re very welcome! Definitely we should learn from the situation and truly develop from it. Stepping up for ourselves is true!
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Once learned it is not easy to get us falling back again 😈
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That’s right..we can kick those people to the curb 🤨
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Yeah!! 😆
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😄
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such a great post, highlighting personal responsibility
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You say it, Annette! Rule number 6 on one hand but we must never allow others to control our feelings in a way that makes us suffer for their mistakes.
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Great thoughts on this Sis!
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Thank you, sis! I think most of us got trapped in that vicious circle at least once!
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I think so sis!
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💖💖
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das hat mir echt gefallen, liebe Erika, ansonsten lass dir durch den Regen die gute Laune nicht vermiesen, Klaus
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Das freut mich, Klaus! Keine Chance… haha. Und zudem gehts hier bereits wieder bergauf mit dem Wetter. Juhuu!
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this is so very true and I have lived it. it took me a while to understand and to learn, but I finally did and am the better for it. I forgave, to stop carrying the load, and did not forget, and moved on with my life.
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Isn’t it crazy how we are burdening ourselves and for how long we are doing it? And this all for what? It is tough to learn but at one point we need to step aside and see that we need to drop the load.
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