Don’t Blame Yourself For What The Fool Did!

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A lot of people came to my mind who gave their last for someone who took that all for granted or who used them deliberately.

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OK, we need to learn not to just trust everyone at first sight and if the same person played a false game again we should let them play it alone. But sometimes you can have a really good feeling about someone and you are open to giving them second chances. Unfortunately, there are people out there who don’t care for other people’s feelings but only for their own benefits. Those people don’t understand that they have a responsibility when they have other people’s trust or even their hearts. Perhaps they feel overwhelmed when someone opens up to them or they simply only care for themselves. If they find someone willing to fulfill their needs they take it gladly but of course, after a while nice words disappear like dust when they are not honest.

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As we know, we see the world the way we are and good-hearted people believe in the good of others. The worse it is when they are waking up one day and seeing that someone only played with them and that spoken or even written words were only empty shells to keep them on board. It breaks their hearts but what is even harder is that through their open-hearted way they may experience this more often and in the end they are blaming themselves for everything and the fight against themselves begins.

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And this holds good for any relationship. The ones to whom the relationship means more drift into dependency and do everything to get back to the point where they once were or what they believed there was. They are questioning themselves, their actions, their attitudes, their whole being that something must be wrong with them and bury themselves in self-accusations. They are begging for answers in order to make it all up again – but they are rejected. They lose self-esteem and start hiding their hearts because they don’t want to be hurt anymore. But since this is not who they are they feel torn apart inside. What is an important lesson to learn and insight to gain is that not the fooled one has to be cleared out but the fool!

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It is necessary to step back and look at the situation from a distance. Only when the fooled one realizes that it is not a bad attitude to have an open heart but to abuse open hearts the healing can begin. Never feel bad because you trusted. It is the person who had bad intentions even though they would never confess it.

Don’t expect an apology, you won’t get it.
Don’t expect them to understand, they won’t.
Don’t drift into resentments, they only harm you.
Don’t ever think how unfair it is because one thing is for sure: They fight the bigger fight.

You can detach from such people and slowly get back to who you are. But imagine how isolated they must feel when they never let someone into their hearts but push them away constantly for what reason ever. They are the real victim because, in the end, it is all coming back to them.

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Free yourself from the dependency of a toxic relationship, send them love, and then never look back. Those people don’t matter in your life. In detaching and leaving the disappointments and scars with the cause you become free for those who do matter! Stay open-minded and you will see soon so many good things coming your way. Just turn your face towards the sun.

In Love and Light

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31 Comments

I is a repost from two years ago. To tell from your comments, I know now whey I picked this one. I am glad I did. Yes, we must not question ourselves because we got tricked and we must not be discouraged to trust again. We would punish ourselves that way.
Thank you for your comment, Nico!

Liked by 1 person

Erika, well done. I have shared before one of my favorite authors is Malcolm Gladwell. He has a new book coming out called “Talking to strangers.” In essence, he notes what psychologists have said for years, that we are too trusting of strangers telling us the truth. He used a term called the “truth acceptance doctrine.” When not dealing with family and close friends, we need to be more guarded and not just believe what people tell us.

He went on to say when we go to clubs or parties to meet people and introduce alcohol or some other drug, we actually are worse at judging whether people are being truthful.

It shows how easily we can be manipulated or even “gaslighted” like some people in position of leadership are doing today.. Keith

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Oh, yes, although we believe that we are mature and reasonable we are so easy to be trappes depending on what others say and what we may miss or fear. Perhaps we believe what strangers say right because they don’t know us and we think it is objective… which it never is anyway!
Thank you for sharing, Keith!

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I was thinking about this some more. People who know the stranger know not to trust him or her. There was a foreboding, but simple line from someone who did business with Trump companies, who had a habit of not paying contractors what they are owed. He said simply, “Word on the street is get your money up front” when dealing with Trump. That speaks volumes.

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Really an interesting post, Erika 🙂
You are right, I think that mostly of us have been in such kind of relationship in one or another way.
This is very toxic and if we continue long time enough, we get physical challenges too.

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Absolutely, the longer we are in energies which are not matching who we are we will get sick, both physically and mentally. It may be a long way to realize how we let others control our feelings and abuse our heart’s generosity but once we do, it is nearly impossible to pull us back down again.
Thank you, Irene 💖

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Those toxic relationships only drain you of your life force. It’s sad that there are people who only care about themselves to such a degree that no one else’s feelings matter. It is up to the individual to detach themself and not blame themself. Superb post, Erika!

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Meanwhile I see those people to be sent for teaching us to step up for ourselves and stop identifying with what others did to us. The process of learning to detach, like you said! Thanks a lot, Sylvester!

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this is so very true and I have lived it. it took me a while to understand and to learn, but I finally did and am the better for it. I forgave, to stop carrying the load, and did not forget, and moved on with my life.

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