When Demons Leave!

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When I posted a quote about forgiving two weeks ago there was a suggestion to write a post about it because the subject is really big! I knew I already had posted about it. Since I am pretty consumed by life at the moment, I thought why not reposting one? It also makes a nice sequel to last week’s Monday post:

Were you ever in a great and happy mood and then out of the blue you were flushed by feelings that caused a deep sadness? And you don’t even know why? That happened to me last Friday.Β We had great weather, I was happy and cheerful and all of a sudden I had a song in mind which I did not hear for years. I love that song a lot but while I started singing it a heavy desperation kicked in and I didn’t know why.

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Deep feelings of regret rose up like boiling milk and I couldn’t do anything about it. It was like a film that played within me. I saw all the people I hurt in the past. Years back I thought it was about those people, but it wasn’t. It was my unhappiness about the injuries I experienced during decades. I saw myself receiving offending and humiliations. I saw me storing them inside of me because I found no way to let them out. I hid them one by one and years over years. Whenever later a situation came up which triggered one of those suppressed frustrations I reacted defensively. I felt neglected and repulsed. That made me develop an attitude of desperately and aggressively trying to make me seen and to have my needs met. I put people in charge of my missing self-esteem, of feeling not respected, feeling helpless, and for the emptiness within me. I fought people who did not have anything to do with the origin of this behavior. I fought people who loved me, people I were in charge of, people who were there for me unconditionally. But my deeply hurt inner child simply called for being heard which the grown-up me did not recognize and therefore blamed the person in front of me. This all coming down on me in an instant made me cry heavily – but also very peacefully. Everything seemed to liquefy. It was not pain but more like this comforting feeling of being hugged and allowed to finally let everything go, even the slightest grain of sand. It was like pulling the plug and let all the dirty water drain off until nothing was left anymore.

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Actually, I already have been in peace with that past. I had no resentments against anyone anymore. But the root which caused the feeling of being repulsed still showed up in certain situations. Having this song showing up and me not fighting the tears brought the leftovers up to the surface.It was time to finally let go. I was open and receptive and after this cleansing, I feel healed and whole now in a never known way. It is like losing weight I did not even know I was carrying around.

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We are not our thoughts, we are not our emotions, our injuries, wounds, and scars. They are not part of our being. Our being only experiences this all. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be possible to let go. Otherwise, it would not be possible to change our thoughts, our perceptions, and attitudes. Otherwise, development wasn’t possible.

Later I was thinking why that song? Recalling the lyrics all of a sudden I understood. It was like a conversation with my inner child. It was crying for me and I was crying for finally embracing and accepting it as I full-fledged part of myself. I can feel clearly that we are finally one. In the end, this feeling of reuniting, of being whole, of forgiving, and being forgiven was the reason I cried everything out which was standing between us. But at the same time, there is nothing standing between anyone and me anymore.

Why am I telling you this now? Everything will be cleared out when the time has come when you are ready to see and to let go consciously. But most of all when you stop fighting yourself. Fighting, blaming and forcing yourself only results in more fights, more hurting others, and therefore more feelings of guilt which you store again within. That way you yourself stand in your the way. Stop fighting! How can you ever win, when you fight yourself?

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When there is something you don’t understand about you then listen to yourself. Accept that there is something that may need some time to slip more and more towards the surface of your mind in order to become sensible and visible. Embrace your inner hurt child, love it, be understanding and tell it that it may tell you from now on everything it had to keep in for so long. Open up to your inner child, let it cry. This is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of healing! In becoming one with your inner child the demons of the past lose their living space.

In Love and Light!

About the Author

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Author, Poetess, Singer, Mom, Life Explorer, Business Woman, Therapist Remember who you really are and conquer the world the way you always wanted!

50 Comments

This post has been open in my window ever since you have written it. I knew it would be a great one to read and I knew I wanted to read it and not forget about it. So I kept it open. And it delivered. I agree with you. When the time is right we will be able to let everything go. Maybe it needs those moments when everything is pushed to the surface, when we suddenly, out of the blue feel something that sort of doesn’t make sense. When it all comes up. Maybe that’s the moment we are ready to let it all go. Because it makes us realize that it’s still there. Often we manage to hide something from so many others and even from ourselves. It’s somewhere in a “drawer” in our “cupboard” of life and well stored away. But it’s not properly sorted. So it needs to resurface. It needs to come to our attention so we can finally get rid of it. Through it out. Empty that drawer so new things find room.

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Yes, I cannot agree more with your statement and view. I see it the same. Things are pushed back because it is not allowed to have room in our lives. Then we seem to forget or we think we are so strong that stand above it. But as long as it is there it occupies room. Those moments come unexpected indeed and it is even more amazing how aware we are of the happening and that process. A conscious liberation and freeing. Like spitting out a virus.
Thank you so much for keeping that post open for so long πŸ’–

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This is such an important post Erika.. Embracing and holding that inner child is so important.. For me too peeling away the layers I had, I thought it was about letting others go and their words and for so long I had taken on board the hurts, and held them sealed inside..
You grow into your adult self with the masks you put up to shield yourself. Thinking you are no longer going to let anyone hurt you.. And for years you can be fine…
I remember one day being in my garden tending my flowers and such sadness swept over me.. And I cried so hard that it brought me to my knees… It was then that I remembered another Little girl among the flowers of long ago.. It took me many attempts to reach into her heart and pull her out.. That Inner child had to know she was loved.. Even now I am crying.. because she now understands so much more . And that she is an integral part of my awakening to who I now have become..
Love and Blessings dear Erika.. Thank you so much for sharing that Inner child and showing us how important it is to love and let go.. ❀ xxx ❀

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Oh, Sue, I am moved to tears too reading your words because I know what you feel. It is not easy to describe how deeply touching comforting this feeling of breaking the dam and realization is. Such a little trigger can break that dam and lets it all come up and flow away. The pain about ignoring that child for so long and not even noticing is heart breaking and healing at the same time. I can relate so well to what you said about thinking we already let go but it wasn’t the case. Oh, Sue, I so understand and feel what you wrote here. Thank you so much from my heart for sharing this. This goes very deep πŸ’–

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