A friend’s post reminded me of what I am often thinking: If I were to die today, I would go with a smile.
Yes, I would like to stay longer, but when I look back, I can say I truly lived:

I would do many things differently today. But with yesterday’s knowledge, I made decisions that taught me exactly the right things. I was lost, but did not give up until I found signposts that led me back to who I thought I really was. I started observing myself. When I recognized something that felt wrong, I stopped my behavior and changed it. I began to stand up for myself regardless of whether others agreed or not. I learned to respect myself as I respected others. I understood that I have the same right to feel worthwhile as others. I have stepped into spheres that felt right in the beginning, but while walking that path, I often corrected the direction. Some paths were only to be walked for a short while until I realized that the grass is not a bit greener on the other side. I used to be a parrot that said what particular people wanted to hear. I stopped that when I realized that I have the right to think and say what I want, and it was therefore no less correct. The more I observed myself, the more I realized that I am allowed to be the person I want to be, and I am striving to become a better version of myself every day.

I have been fortunate throughout my life for having been given opportunities to change what I saw that did not work out. I got broken hearts but no bloody noses. I cried and screamed, but at least that much I laughed and sparkled. I got burned and healed again. I learned to say Yes and No when I meant it. I changed many patterns I was taught as a child to save my children from walking through the same lonely, dark tunnel. I supported my kids by walking alongside, not ahead of them. I couldn’t be prouder seeing them living their own lives with responsibility and the view on the horizon, regardless of the weather. I made mistakes, but I saw them. I learned that if I want to experience a change, I have to be that change. Because nothing changes for the better by blaming others for what was, instead of doing now what can be.

No, I am anything but perfect, but I am happy to get a new chance every day to become better than I was the day before. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but realizing when it didn’t work made me make an even bigger leap the next day. I am not done yet, there is still a lot to work out, so many things I want to discover, learn, and feel, and there are still dreams to be realized. I won’t stop climbing as long as I have a single breath left. I won’t stop overcoming feelings of doubt and fear. I won’t stop filling my life with adventures and meaning, and it is my goal to leave my little world better than I entered it. To my great joy, I see this blooming in my children already.

Yes, if I were to die today, I would go with a smile because I learned to take responsibility for my life early enough and made it my life. I would go with a smile because I fulfilled my purpose – I developed!

In Love and Light