As the years go by we are making so many experiences. Sometimes we don’t even notice how the experiences shape us unconsciously. Happenings in childhood, the way we were raised, the circle of our friends, opinions we create, decisions we make, and the consequences of it all which we put together individually in the mind… which actually forms how we experience what we experience and how we move on.
Over the years we think differently about a lot of what we experienced in the past or we may even have forgotten but still, it can have left something. It may only be noticed when circumstances or happenings push a drawer open. The demons we may have thought were banished are released. We may be caught off guard and may feel overwhelmed with or own reactions and feelings.
Once we kind of understand what happened we try our best to chase those wolves back into the drawer. But it seems they have grown and don’t fit in there anymore. The process of working out the demons of the past has begun. I think it is a natural reaction that people try to hide them since they are confused themselves. They think they turned nuts and how nutty must even others think they are. The masque was designed and the game of “hide and seek” begins. It can be the beginning of a mental loneliness.
I think one of the main needs we have is being understood. And if not understood then at least taken serious. If I am too afraid that I would be laughed at or people would think I am insane or a weak loser, I won’t talk about it… too afraid that as a consequence it would turn into physical isolation too. So, I am hiding those demons. But as long as I am hiding them it is proof that I don’t even accept them myself. And even worse: If I hide them means I hold on to them. So, how can they ever leave?
Yes, we all want to be understood and everybody deserves being understood. But understanding begins inside. There are more understanding people out there than we may expect and there are so many more people out there who also deal with their inner devils. The paradox is, since all of them are too afraid to talk about, no one knows. If I am too afraid to ask for help, how can anyone help me? If I am not willing (for what reason ever) to understand myself, I cannot expect anyone making the effort to understand me? Yes, it needs courage which may only be gained in the long run. But if I don’t dare to look at the dark spots to learn where they come from and what they want to tell me I keep myself from any healing.
The best way to learn how to deal with my own devils may even be the understanding of others and their demons. It is amazing that once someone learns that they are not the only ones with carrying their loads the load laready gets lighter. The awareness of not being an alien can already break the wall of isolation. Accepting that the inner wolf as part of the journey, as part of the development, leads to accepting ourselves in all we are which leads to loving ourselves unconditionally. Loving ourselves unconditionally makes us open our arms widely. And once we open our arms we cannot hold the leash anymore and it is allowed to go.
In Love and Light