IGNORANCE – WEAPON AND SURVIVAL TOOL: Fear

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Last week I was talking about ignoring the bad behavior of other people in order to free ourselves from their power over us and for preventing us from dimming our precious light. But there is another point where ignorance can act as a supportive tool of development: Fear

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I am not talking about acting against an inner conviction or denying our inner voice or instincts. Here I am talking about the fear of starting something new. That fear can have many origins: low self-esteem, convenience, safety thinking, … When those reasons are the background of fear then you will find excuses and lots of explanations to justify not doing what deep inside has already started pushing you. You feel that you are meant to take a certain step. You feel that you are meant to take action. You feel that it is time to go for something special. But you are too afraid because you don’t know what others would think about it or because you don’t know how it turns out. Perhaps you actually enjoy seeing you at the destination but the journey scares the hell out of you because you have not the overview yet. You are overwhelmed because you don’t know how to approach it. But instead of pushing it aside you should simply start finding out how you could. What do you have to lose? You only learn. You only gain. You only grow. You can never end up again where you started anyway because you collected experience.

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Yes, it needs effort. It needs the courage to ask others. It needs the courage to share your idea because you might need other people’s support. So what? No great things were done by one person alone. None of them! Where would we be today if no one ever dared to try out something no one did before? Yes, perhaps some of them had more self-esteem. But self-esteem is low or high self-esteem is a matter of how you are thinking about yourself – not more, not less! Thoughts are free to choose from. It may be a task but it is possible to change them. Ask yourself if you want to arrive at the goal you already can see or if you rather let the chance pass and stay where you are. If you decide for the first one then force yourself to choose thoughts which support your goal and not your excuses.

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Believe me, I am not a very courageous person. But I know exactly when I am supposed to take a chance and I learned how to trick myself. Most of you know that I am a professional singer. I am not afraid anymore today but I was scared to no end in the beginning when I was asked to perform somewhere. I was shy and insecure but I loved singing and since I was a young girl I wanted to be on stage. Instead of waiting until excuses appear I said immediately yes, while my stomach was having a roller coaster ride. And so I did it with all chances life provided for me. The more I thought “I am scared because it is new to me” the faster I said: YES! Still the same at my new job. It is a completely new field I just happened to get in touch with. But over time I developed a different kind of thinking. One thing is for sure: Overcoming your own fear and showing yourself that you can, make you stronger than anything else from outside ever can!

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I made the experience that once I decided to take a task my focus changes. I ignore destructive thoughts and only focus on the goal. I am someone who needs an overview. So immediately I am making an inner concept of how to get there. The question marks that appear while drawing the road map are noted down and checked one by one. I also gained the serenity that some things need to wait until I have clarity. I am still nervous when I am confronted with something completely new but each time I am a bit less afraid because I know, I will find a way. I don’t grab everything but then I have clear reasons or it is simply not important enough to me. But I would never forgive myself for letting a chance pass in the knowing, it was meant for me. Perhaps it never comes back.

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Fear is a normal reaction. Nothing we need to be scared of. The only scary thing is when we let fear dominate us. Ignore thoughts that support your excuses and keep you from exploring your life. Focus on the goal and fear will dissolve! Let nothing come between you and your life!

In Love and Light

 

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Author, Poetess, Singer, Mom, Life Explorer, Business Woman, Therapist Remember who you really are and conquer the world the way you always wanted!

27 Comments

There are already some wonderful comments to this post which speak from experience and give good examples. As I said somewhere, I think we may never really get rid of fear. It is about knowing what we deal with in order to control fear and not be controlled by it.

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Absolutely, Simon. I think the more we know that it is up to us to take action the less we have excuses, right? That’s when something inside starts pushing us to pass the restriction.

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Sometimes, yes! Believe me, been there! But I know, it is a very delicate and difficult decision. The question how far are we allowed to go, are we selfish, how much responsible and obliged we are, the question of how much we hurt ourselves when we hurt others, … a hard fight which only the individual can estimate… if at all. But what we must never forget is that each one of us has a plan for this life, situations change, conditions change, and once we feel uncomfortable with a situation it is the clear sign that a change needs to me made. Yes, it may hurt others and ourselves too but in the end, it keeps each one on their personal paths. Life is not always the easy path but always our path. And what do we grow from? The easy or the hard one? Life is change and if we don’t go with that change the pressure will only become more … and no one benefits from that.
Simon, I don’t know your personal situation but this is what came to my mind. Sometimes we need to make a certain step even though we are afraid of because we know that it may change everything dramatically. But if we neve do, the unhappiness will only grow and destroy more as being true and honest with ourselves and also with those others. Pretending and playing the game is making things worse.
Sorry for this but I think it had to be written. You really stroke a chord with that question. Perhaps there is something in for you. However, I hope you simply go with the calling of your heart and once you do that stick to it and don’t question anymore. Simply go through the changes with love in your heart for everyone but most of all for yourself. Because that is the basis for a good outcome when even the road may look bumpy in the beginning. Hugs!

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Thank you for this honest reply Erika, you don’t need to be sorry about anything and as you say it’s hard to know what the right things is sometimes and what the future holds.

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Ah yes, fear. I’m very familiar with it. Taking chances, throwing the dice, not knowing what you are doing but going blind, all with hope and Faith that what you are doing works out. Pushing your limits, going beyond what you have already done, being in the unknown …. yes all scary. The choice is if we allow fear to swallow us whole or do we partner with it in order to grow. Every time I walk into the gym, my heart is in my throat, as I question can I again do this today? And I do! And when I get going, I push myself, harder even then my previous workout. Every time I problem solve for one of our cats, observing, putting symptoms together, and then creating a treatment plan …. will it work? Am I doing the right thing? I hold my breath and pray. Fear … one of the greatest motivations to grow …. or not. Hubby succumbs to fear. He plays safe. I on the other hand dare fear to push me and I push back. And I grow. LOVED this post ….. how you articulated how we can use fear constructively was awesome, Erika. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

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Thank you so much for taking the time and for leaving such a detailed comment, Amy. I hear you and see myself too in what you wrote. I don’t know if we will ever live a fearless life and I don’t know if I actually want it. Where would be the feeling of proving ourselves that we can be more than we thought? It would not be the same, I guess. Perhaps at one point we don’t need it anymore… But for now I think it would take a bit of the thrill… lol! We are more than our fears and right that is that immense motivational factor and also that limit line of becoming or resigning. You know what I mean when I say that when we proved to ourselves once that fear is only a thought but not a truth, at least it loses its control over us. It may still affect us but it cannot keep us from our attempts to overcome it over and over again 💪Thank you very much again, dear Amy 💖

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Very encouraging and inspirational post, just as usual Erika 🙂
I agree so much. The fear is in our head, sometimes it seems more easy to pass it and other times, it is more challenging to let go of the fear. Up to our personal experiences, I think.
I do my best to ignore my fears and try to find a way to pass them, even if it is not that easy always.

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Yes, absolutely. It depends and that is why there is no general advice. Dealing with fear is as individual as we are. Also because the origin of fear is different and comes from our individual stories.
I rather deal with my fears like you do … meanwhile… I used to let them tell me what I cannot do. At one point, I realized how much I missed out on life and how much I let me control by thoughts, not by facts.
You are one of those role models who prove that in ignoring fear you break the walls of limitations and come further than our mind may imagine. Thank you for this wonderful comment, Irene!

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Thank you Erika. I do also have my limitations and do my best to ignore them, which is not always possible. Sometimes the mind doesn’t act rational, no matter how much I try to demand it to. We are all role models in one or another way.

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Absolutely, we are. There is a role model for all of us and everybody is a role model for someone. Yes, it is definitely not always easy or possible and we must not believe that we have to overcome our fears… it is an option. What matters is, that we are aware of this.

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Erika, I typed this comment, but it appears to have vanished – likely operator error on my part. Let me try again. Fears persist, we just need to acknowledge them, prepare for them and move forward. One of my favorite sports analogies is about Bill Russell, arguably one of the best team basketball players ever – his teams won fourteen championships in college, the Olympics and pros. Before every big game, he could be found throwing-up in the bathroom. His teammates saw this as a good sign, as if Big Bill was nervous, they were going to win. He did not want to let his team down.

He understood his fears, but knew he had prepared for this moment. As a former high school athlete, I have always found when you start playing, when you doing something about it, the fear subsides. That first step is important. If you don’t know how to do a math problem, start writing down what you do know and the path to the answer may reveal itself. If you don’t know how to begin, then take that first step may lead to another.

Thanks for this posts on fear and overcoming them. Keith

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Keith, your examples are excellent. And I can add some of my own experience. As a singer I had my first performance with 11 years in front of 300 to 400 people. Yes, I was nervouse. But it was a side-effect not something that was worth paying attention too. Later when I was 17 and was taught singing in classical style I had more performances, had to be as perfect as possible, had more responsibility because of those who participated (choir, other solists, orchestra). I participated at contests and musicals. Have I been nervous? Every single time and sometimes anxious. But still I did not let it stand between me and my task. I accepted it as part of the process and actually used its power to increase the adrenaline which made the performances always successful!
The most anxious I was lately at my daughter’s wedding. I think I was never more nervous. But it couldn’t keep me from singing that one paritcular song for her.
Yes, fear may accompany us but as soon as we accept this we focus again on what’s behind it.
Thank you so much for this wonderful and inspiring comment, Keith!

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I believe so too. We need to realize that fear is only an imagination which can keeps us from doing what we want to do unless we realize that we can control ouw thoughts. Thank you very much, Michael

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