Communication: Challenge and Solution

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For today I did not have a particular topic in mind and again I took some inspiration from my Gateway Oracle Cards.  Thank you, guidance. These are the cards I picked:

(archangeloracle.com)

Freely granted communication is even healing before someone gets hurt and if it happens later then it can truly help heal the past! A restricted or oppressed communication can cause a lot of sadness and aggression. We need the exchange with each other or we risk misunderstandings. One misunderstanding which hasn’t been clarified leads to more misunderstandings. Both parties are asked to talk! The one who wants to send out the message and the other one who may be offended or irritated by what he creates out of his (mis)understood perception. But that is not so easy:

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I don’t want to hurt others, offend others or cause uncomfortable discussions. Also, I don’t want to appear as permanently complaining. But then again, if something inside that doesn’t feel right, then without communicating it I will get more frustrated with the situation over time. And it cannot change because the other party feels ok with how things are,  thinks all is well, and interprets reactions differently. So, we need to speak up in order that the issue and misunderstanding don’t poison the relationship (and I mean any relationship).

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Ok, so let’s talk about it. You make your point clear. But what if the other party is not open to what you have to say right because they feel well with how everything is? I have to be honest: I communicate it anyway but when I notice that the other one only “listens” in order to reply instead of understanding what I want to say, I resign after a few times of rejection! Unfortunately, the issue persists and gets even worse!

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So, the issue has not been solved at all and got even fueled. Now, not communicating anymore adds problems and misunderstandings. A frustration can build up that flows through the whole relationship and many more situations which are not discussed anymore because there seems no basis for discussions. The time comes when both parties find themselves in a place where they totally lost contact. Both only see their side of the big fence.

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Communication is necessary! Of course, not everything has to be made a topic for discussions. Over here we say: We let 5 be even. This is very individual. Something is simply not important or happen only once. Some things really don’t make sense to be discussed because we see that they are part of the other person’s personality and if the whole package is ok then we shouldn’t try to change someone. It won’t work anyway but cause only more pressure for both. But when there are things that really feel disturbing or accumulate over time, it needs to be discussed anyway. Perhaps the person simply did not notice what happened and would be glad to know. In a working relationship – may it be a business relationship, family, partners, school,… – such talks must be possible. When it is a relationship like a marriage it should even be the wish of both because it is the basis for a solid ground! When I love someone I don’t want them to be unhappy, no matter if I did something consciously or unconsciously. I want to know what is bothering them and I want them to be happy! Turning away from “their” problems may work for the moment but will make it “my” problems one day! 

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Yes, it may be inconvenient and may need courage but it is a sign of respect and appreciation to listen AND to speak up. Because BOTH is part of the desire that a relationship works and that both feel good in that relationship. And of course, both need to take it serious and intend to find a way for working it out.

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This way misunderstandings don’t destroy or disturb something unnecessarily. Insecurities are solved before they become issues. No wounds or scars are left. But even if it already went that far. Even later, an honest discussion can be healing and at least rebuilds the feeling of being respected and appreciated.

In Love and Light

 

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69 Comments

Communication can be a tricky thing. All anyone wants is to be heard and sometimes in expressing that need we talk over others, insist we are right, wait for the next time to speak and so on. Listening with your heart and truly hearing someone is the core of loving. I hear you, I see you…you are important. Great message!

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Right! Absolutely right! That’s the core message here. I think we feel the loneliest when we feel not important enough to be heard. Most of all by those close people who should be interested in hearing what we have to say. Thank you very much for this great comment. You totally summed it up!!

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So much of what you have said here Erika is true.. So many people no longer listen, only to their own voices and for the chance to hop in and speak what they want others to listen too..
Another problem everyone wishes to be right.. No one is wanting to compromise or admit perhaps another’s idea is better than theirs.

No one knows more than I how a misunderstanding develops into years of silence ( my Mother ) as those unwilling to listen not only close their eyes, but shut their ears to you.. Resulting in heart ache loneliness and those misunderstandings of something insignificant grow so that it becomes huge.. And that their perception then alters as bitterness twists it to become something more.

Talking things through no matter how painful we should try to communicate.. And if we did, we maybe would not create so many mountains..

Loved this Erika ❤

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Amazing, how you told here the process of separation. Not listening, always wanting to be right, not willing to find a solution for both,… and everybody creates their own story through that which makes the gap wider and wider. So sad! Yes, even though it is uncomfortable at times we should listen to what others want to tell us and we should speak up too. Because what happens if we don’t is much more painful on the long run!
Thank you for that comment, Sue. I am sorry, you have experienced this with someone so close 💖💖💖

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Yes for ten years the silence.. many times I reached out.. then she died.. after one last time the universe gave her and I a chance.. We met by chance around a corner in town.. I spoke, she ran in the opposite direction.. 3 months later she died.. Such a waste.. As she missed out on so much.

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Oh, no! This is very tragic. I know that you not only missed her but also you were sorry for her! I cannot think of anything my kids could do that I would turn away from them. I would be the one punished the most!

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Yes a long long story.. that in the beginning broke my heart. Which is why the recent bereavement I went through hit a nerve unexpectedly as i grieved again her loss.. When she died I had already grieved her passing.. So this was part of my break down years ago among other factors.. But the emotion was needed again to peel another layer to heal the inner wound.. And I am better for the experience .. xxx

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Of course, it broke your heart, she was your mom! Crazy how those experiences you put at rest (at least you thought you did) come up again in the perfect moment to support another step of development. That’s so hard and I think perhaps harder since you were glad you seemingly left it behind. Sending you the biggest hugs, Sue 💖

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Thanks for that Hug Erika.. Yes it caught me off guard, I couldn’t fathom at first why I was so down and depressed.. Until I went inward and did more digging around.. And sure enough it was still lurking deep..
I wonder as humans will we ever know the depth of our wounds we carry that we have buried deep.. I always felt a lost lonely child even though I was the eldest of 5 siblings.. I think that child just got over looked when the others came along.. and she was left to get on with things and become a little mother to her siblings.. When all she really wanted was a hug and to be told she was loved.. I am nurturing that lost child.. and she is learning many things from her old self..
Many thanks dear Erika.. Much Love to you ❤

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I can understand your hurt so very much. And I would love to embrace that child right now and tell her that she is so loved. I believe that you received a lot of love later in your life and probably appreciated it so much more as if you had been a spoiled child. But nevertheless, mother-love is essential and gives a child the necessary shelter for its soul. I am glad you have found your way to work yourself through it in taking your inner child by the hand and give it what it always longed for! 💖💖💖

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Yes, it took along while to find her.. But that child is now nurtured and loved.. And I am more whole for the experience.. So all things are meant to be i think.. We do not see the necessity of the Why’s until perhaps much later in hindsight we look back and begin to see All is in perfect order for our soul growth.. ❤

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Thanks for this post.
Communication – real communication is one of our biggest problems, within our professional or private life. We know a lot more about communication, and we get sooner and sooner more impatient. We also know, that the message recipient “is right” and we must react to his interpretation to clarify misunderstandings.
I know from my own experience that for some messages also time for a processing is needed. Sometimes we would gladly take back a spontaneous remark, since this was not meant as it was. With a little distance we would communicate differently.
We have to adjust to each other and be open to each other. Especially if we deal with emotions / heart-feelings, not everyone can deal with it openly. That is why we have to address such topic’s more often.
Stay in contact!

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Yes, even when it is difficult only speaking up and real listening lets people stay in touch. Otherwise the connection gets lost due to misunderstandings, misinterpretation or no information at all. Right, whether private or in our work life it is necessary. I just experienced it last week when I dared to speak up for me again and was surprised how not only accepted but even important that was for the other side to know!
Communication is important!

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Lack of communication closes the channels to understanding and relating to one another and those channels need to remain open to sustain a healthy relationship in general. Thank you for this extremely insightful post, Erika!

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Yes, definitely! When there is no understanding for each other the communication gets more and more lost. Not listening and talking causes less talking and again less listening. A vicious circle! Thank you, Syl, I am glad it spoke to you!

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