Chained Hands!

Another song is joining my page. And here is the background story to it:

Do you know this? Someone dear, a relative or close friend is about to head into disaster. You can literally see and feel it. But you can’t do anything but watch him suffer. I experienced this a few years ago.

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My best friend, who I know for over 30 years moved from Europe to the States. After many years we got in touch again via email. He told me that he had a hard time dealing with depression and panic attacks. I also was in a state of frustration and desperation. Within one year we made it to help each other out of the dark and put each other on our feet again. We were able to build up a new perspective, and a passion for life only in sharing our stories, our thoughts and experiences. I was finally able to believe in myself again. We really got to know each other very, very good.

Then he fell in love with a woman in his neighbourhood. The way this relationship started made me immediately think that she might use him. But he was so happy – finally! And I really was happy for him too. But after all his tellings the picture got clearer and clearer. She was an alcoholic and still pleasing her ex-husband. He made himself dependent from her behavior and her love, excused everything and let himself be treated like a doormat. It threw hem apart. On one hand he was so desperate about her behaviour and still hoped that she might change in the direction of his wishes if only he played the role model for her. But she did not care at all. Honestly, I had already felt that when he first told me about her.

I did not tell him about my bad feelings. Since he was so blinded from all this love (which started on physical attraction, and is never a good base for a relationship) I knew I mustn’t say a word. Whatever I would have said, would be judged as jealousy. And he would have turned away from me. If that had happened, he would have been alone after this relationship crashed. And I was convinced that this will  happen.

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But other than saying something I tried to shut my mouth unless I was asked. Then the situation got even more difficult since his girlfriend got extremely jealous of me. Now I even had to deal with listening to all the mean things she said about me and at the same time about his struggles with her and how challenging it was for him. Also I was more and more kept as a dark secret, which hurt me to know end. I know, I just could have quit the friendship. And at times I really was close to do so. But no, I knew that he would need me one day. And I saw it the longer the more as a THE lesson for me. Actually there were two lessons in it:

I learned to be there for someone unconditionally without expecting anything. Just being there, watching and catching when needed. I knew that he didn’t understand how I felt. If I would have told him I would have set even more pressure on him. And I would have lost his friendship for sure, which would have made it impossible to help when things got really rough.

The second lesson I learned was, to accept and respect the path a person choses to go. Whatever I think is right, doesn’t matter at all, since it is not my path, not my situation, not my life and not my consequences I have to deal with.

Yes, it hurt big time, to be kept more and more underground although I helped him out of his deepest depth. But after a while I was able to control my ego, step back and see this whole thing as one of my biggest chances to grow out of myself. And I made it. My patience and newly developed ability to not take it personally got rewarded, when it came to the separation with his girlfriend.

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Letting each other walk our paths individually and becoming the net in the moment of falling into the big aha for the other one made our friendship grow even closer. Another great development is, that after learning this lessons for myself I am not dependent on my friend’s attention anymore. We are connected in a special way – and this connection has existed long before we knew about it. Something connected beneath this physical world cannot be destroyed by anything or anyone in this physical world. It was hard but I don’t want to miss it. It brought the greatest liberation.

My song Chained Hands tells this story. I finished the song last year. We just made an excerpt and I am happy to present it as another song on my page Songs!

In Love and Light!

About the Author

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Author, Poetess, Singer, Mom, Life Explorer, Business Woman, Therapist Remember who you really are and conquer the world the way you always wanted!

4 Comments

I had the same situation twice and with the same consequences. As you said, “Letting each other walk our paths individually and becoming the net in the moment of falling into the big aha for the other one made our friendship grow even closer.” and I believe in this! Great post and experience.

Liked by 1 person

Yes, the closer the people the harder to let them go their way. This is why we only learn it through close people. And the more we understand that only their own way leads to their insights and development, the more we can let them go with love and peace for ourselves. A hard lesson but very healing! Thanks for the compliment. I just thought how it would be if we made a song together one day… 🙂 who knows?

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It’s such a difficult thing to do. To watch a loved one go through a painful experience. Your words are wise, and it’s best to be there to support, and listen. I’ve learned the hard way not to insert myself in someone else’s relationship. Your song is wonderful! I love your voice!

Liked by 1 person

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