Sometimes I am confused by thinking we can’t have it all (e.g., when appointments collide), but at the same time, I know that we can have it all (when considering who we really are and realizing that we already have everything we can have). Perhaps it is only in this physical world that we can’t have it all at the same time. That is what gives us options for various decisions and ways of developing.

These thoughts stem from a dilemma I faced due to my daughter’s birthday party and my prior commitment to a market. Both are scheduled for the same day, and for several reasons, my daughter cannot pick a different day. However, my daughter is turning 29+1 (don’t dare to complete the calculation) and, of course, that has priority. Plus, I have been planning something for her birthday for a year. Still, I need to participate in that market also for many reasons.

I offered to organize the party at our place the day before. So she has no work but can only enjoy the party. But I learned that her closest friends don’t have time that evening. “I can’t have it all”, vibrated in my head. I have to decide on one event, which will result in the cancellation of my participation in the market. It bothered me a lot. And only after weeks, I began thinking of a probable compromise. Before I suggested my idea, she came up with the same suggestion: We split the event. We go out with her and her boyfriend on one day, and the next day she celebrates with the rest of the party. Sounds like a deal to me. I can’t have it all, yet I can have it all.

This is only a little personal story, but it stands for many situations in everyone’s life, doesn’t it? Sometimes we stand in front of a crossroads, and for the longest time, we believe we have to make a decision between two choices, without even considering further options. It makes us run in circles until we take a step back and look at the whole situation with a distanced mind, and solutions appear.

Yes, there are situations in which we have to decide between the options. Those are the profound decisions we make in life. Sometimes, life pushes us to let one thing go to move on to something better (even when we don’t know it at that moment). However, if we think we can have it all, we will look for solutions. If we think we can’t, we might try to push through our preference. Then we overlook that maybe we can find compromises. Perhaps we cannot have it all completely, but we can have (the essential) parts of it all. Instead of frustration and the question “what would have been if I had decided differently”, we make a satisfying experience that serves everyone. And that is the point: it is not about the individual, it is about finding a connecting link between two or more individuals or possibilities. It makes us creative and look for more. And that is even more uniting!

Making choices does not necessarily mean
deciding between options.
It can also mean combining options –
which leads to expanded choice options.

In Love and Light