We can leave a place physically or in terms of attitude. I prefer the second option. If we only leave physically but don’t adjust our attitude, everything will repeat at that other place after a while. The same kinds of issues and people will appear. You can run from a place but not from yourself. And wherever you go, you will take everything along that is part of your system.

Dr. Wayne Dyer provided an example in one of his lectures. He said he was walking along the beach and met a couple. They told him they just moved here and asked how people are in this area. Dyer asked: “How were they where you lived before?” They said: “Actually, very kind and supportive.” Wayne Dyer replied: “You might find the same kind of people here.” On his way back, he met another couple, and they started talking. That couple also just moved here and asked him as well what people would be like over here. And Wayne Dyer asked them, too: “How were people where you lived before?” The couple said: “They were pretty unfriendly and distanced.” And Wayne Dyer replied again: ” You might find the same kind of people here.” So, what you send out is the energy you attract. Regarding the example, you attract people who are that way, or the way people behave toward you is that way.

You can also change your personality because you think you must be someone else, must fit a picture you believe you must represent to be accepted and appreciated. But when it is not YOU but only an idea you represent, it won’t work but only confuse more. If you identify too much with that role, it will become more and more difficult to differentiate between you and your role.

I can tell from my own life. I was insecure, low on self-esteem, fearful, and doubted everything about myself. When I was putting on my how-people-want-me-to-be-hat, I felt saver. But nonetheless, I felt insecure because I played a role and constantly made sure I was playing the role right. The big problem was that I was not even aware that I was playing a role. I was taught to be a particular way to be a worthwhile person. I was so trained at being who others wanted me to be that I lost contact with who I actually was. That’s why I did not have my own opinion because it could have been wrong. I was constantly afraid of behaving “incorrectly” and checking back. The pressure was huge! And, of course, the majority of people I met were false and manipulative. It took me decades to find out about the unstable construct I built about myself. But once the curtain had fallen and made me leave my fear in that essential moment at the Californian coast, I was free to start the journey of finding out who I really was – resulting in my book I’m Free – Awareness of Who You Are by Discovering Who You Are Not.

Another example that shows that someone is not themselves is addiction. There is a person in my close circle who suffered from anorexia (eating disorders can become an addiction) during her teenage years. Anorexia can be a sign that someone wants to be in control. If they are overwhelmed with their circumstances, at least they can control their bodies. Also, anorexia is a cry for help that the person is oppressed and tries to find ways to be seen and heard. Excessive sports (addiction) can be a sign that someone wants to prove self-discipline and strength to others. An especially strict diet regarding eating “healthy” can be a sign to prove how much better they handle their health and how unhealthy everyone else lives. Absolutism, in general, is like an armor that keeps others at a distance, for they won’t question anything about that one person. Put this all together in one person, and you have another sign that they are trying to be someone they are not, but who they are is buried deep down. With every new extreme, they think they have improved themselves but actually only drift further away from who they are. Add the addiction to alcohol, and it is clear that there is no self-awareness at all but desperation and overwhelmed, which they cannot let go of. Now, what do you attract? Not what you wish for so badly, but what matches your current being.

We all want to be happy and live an unburdened life. But we only can make this possible if we are not afraid to be who we are, no matter what others think about it. That is true freedom! Only that way are we aware of who we are and can move forward steadfastly and fearlessly. Even though life will send its tasks and tests, we might pass them smoothly. Instead of becoming even more weakened and insecure, we gain strength.

When you feel like what you do, say, behave like is in conflict with something inside of you,
maybe you locked up a part of yourself deep down in you.
Maybe it’s time to look closer at the power and beauty you have been hiding unconsciously.

In Love and Light