Seven years ago I translated for two English mediums at their sessions. I remembered this post I wrote a few weeks later and would like to share it with you again. The sessions were insightful in many ways. I learned so much and got confirmed in many things I was already convinced about. One case touched me a lot. There was a woman who was involved in a bad accident some time ago. She was close to death but survived. The accident caused massive brain injuries and she still suffers from a limited way of understanding and comprehending. She is slower in thinking and moving, and the left side of her face is still a bit paralyzed. But she has come such a long way due to her strong willpower and she is still progressing. She even started an education on the internet in order to step back into life actively. Now what hurts her so much is that her husband has turned away from her. He is only complaining and blaming her for each and every little thing. She cannot do anything right and gets screamed at all the time. She desperately tries everything to be loved by him the way he did before the accident happened.

I have to admit that it was a very difficult session. Due to her mental problems, it was not easy to get through to her. But the medium was great! She went beyond the wall and connected and she had an open flow from what was told to her by deceased relatives of her client. They confirmed her in such empowering ways. The bottom line was: “It is not you who has to change something. It is he who must want to change something in his attitude. You cannot make him anything. He needs to see the value in you and what he risks losing. He will only see it when you stop focusing on pleasing him which doesn’t work. You need to go out again with friends and enjoy your life with them. Have fun! Get on with your education and create your own life from there. That way he may realize that you are not in need of him; that you are strong and able to manage your life with or without him. That may be the impulse he needs to wake up!”

How often do we focus on fixing things instead of creating new ones? How often do we spend our precious time on people who don’t appreciate our care, love, and thoughtfulness because we still hope to make them someone we try to find in them (or who we once found in them)? How often do we sacrifice ourselves for people who only use us as a doormat – over and over again? It is interesting that the other person can change magically into an unknown stranger but we think it is our fault! Why does it often take us so long to understand that it is not us who changed so dramatically but the other one?

We all develop and change and sometimes two people change in different directions or not at the same time. This can often cause confusion and maybe the other one doesn’t like something about us anymore. But that doesn’t mean we are wrong. We all develop, we change, and life changes. That is part of our evolution. Many people cannot deal with changes. It overwhelms them or shows them something they are lacking in themselves. It can be that one person suddenly grows stronger than the other one. It can be that one person gets more independent which may scare the other one. It can also be that if circumstances change some get frustrated that their comfortable or well-imagined life doesn’t work out (anymore). But this all is the problem of the person who cannot deal with it. But of course, the more dominant someone is the more they will be able to make the other one believe that it is about them. The vicious circle starts.  The more the one tries to please the other one the more they are losing themselves and the more the dictator will find ways to prove the other one wrong in order to stay right! It is an unwinnable and deeply frustrating and hurting game for the one who tries it all.

The moment has to come when the doormat needs to understand that it is not about them. When they need to stop trying to fix something they did not break. They need to stop degrading themselves over and over again. They need to stop believing there is something wrong with themselves which over time has been eating up their whole self-esteem. The only thing they did wrong was to give someone too much power over their lives. This realization is the necessary energetic impulse they need in order to finally stand up and see how strong they actually are compared to their tyrant. A fire gets ignited. The view becomes clearer and all of a sudden a new perspective on their own life opens up. It may be a scary step but the step is less scary than the imagination of staying at the place they were. Realizing that they don’t need to please someone who doesn’t appreciate them or what they do is a priceless feeling of liberation.

A new life starts. They discover themselves in a new way. Changes are following immediately. The other person may be even more frustrated because they realize that they lost their power now even over the last one who was willing to be suppressed. Perhaps the day comes when they see that their frustration is rooted in themselves – perhaps it doesn’t …

In Love and Light