The Hard Way To Unconditionality

About ten days ago, I had a wonderful conversation about unconditional love with Mark of HealingFromWithin. I invite you to read his post about An Unconditional Dilemma. Often we meet people to whom we want to give ourselves completely. They may be in a bad place, desperate, lost, beaten by life. For some reason, there is a sudden connection, a strong attraction, and a deep need to help them heal their soul. Sometimes the encounters happen in such a magical way that you would give a movie a bad rating for being too unrealistic. However, from the first moment on, everything indicates that there must be a higher purpose behind it.

Things go their way and the person gets back on their feet. You may even feel more connected because you both touched a very sensitive part of each other: Trust. In your mind and heart, you may even develop an image beyond your wildest dreams. Maybe this is the ultimate happiness you have always been looking for. But then things begin to serve their true purpose.

We can never find happiness in another person. Another person can only inspire and teach us to find it within ourselves. The person may be sincerely grateful and also feel a deep soul connection. But once the healing has taken place, fate will continue the actual plan. The person feels strong again to conquer life themselves. They go back to their own life, return to their social life with newfound energy and zest for life. Their path is no longer yours. For a while, you still walk on parallel paths, but suddenly those paths can begin to drift apart. One day you find that what you saw in that particular connection seems to be falling apart. You begin to question, to ponder, to doubt. You are deeply disappointed and feel a great emptiness. You feel cheated by life.

It may be that the purpose of this union was never to spend the rest of your life as a couple or closest friends. There may have been so much more to it. But you had to expect something else to be motivated to go the distance. You may have thought that you were selflessly doing everything just for the sake of the other person. But deep inside, you expected something in return, like love, friendship, happiness. Even though these were understandable and by no means ignoble expectations and hopes, they still were expectations. Then, when you don’t receive what you desired, the conditionality behind it reveals itself. Whatever you then try to do to find an explanation or reverse the trend only leads to more pain. You realize that you cannot stop the train that you see leaving the station. Eventually, all you want to do is let go of the pain and find your inner peace. After a while, you understand that there is only one way to heal your heart. During this process, when the pain is at its worst, you will take a step back and look at everything from a distance. Suddenly, a thousand light bulbs will light up in your head, and the greater context reveals: You can only heal when you become unconditional.

Your task was to give healing.
The person’s task was to teach you unconditional love.
In that moment of realization, you are free.

The only purpose of love is to love.
Whatever happens from then on has permanence.

In Love and Light

About the Author

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The purpose of my blog is to inspire and shine a light on the beauty and power of the wonderful being inside your body. You came into this world to share what only you can give. Remember who you really are, conquer the world the way you always wanted to, and become the blessing to us all that you were meant to be.


I worked (as a volunteer) in a Crisis Intervention Unit at a major Toronto hospital for just over 2 years and it reinforced one of the messages in this Post …. that we are very capable of giving so much to another and, “at the end of the day” we have no choice but to ultimately let go of them. In my case, the “letting go” was dictated by the environment as another individual would enter by “volunteer life.”

It also reinforced the critical importance of letting go because an individual in crisis needs the guidance, and the support, to become independent; to see themselves as having value; to ultimately be happy with who they are. In a personal environment, it would be so easy to give 110% and (sadly) make them dependent on us which serves no productive purpose for anybody.

Great thought provoking Post Erika.

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You touched on an important point with your example, Colin. I think that is why sometimes people “fall in love” with their therapist or vice versa. There is the love of giving and a yearning for being seen, heard, understood… and to get back into life again. That’s why the therapist has a big responsibility to help a person heal their wings and then push them to fly.
Thank you very much, Colin.

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Hi Erika. Given that we both have adult children, we can appreciate how difficult it was to “push them” out of the family “nest” and watch them fly away to a life of their own. The most we can, and should, expect from them is that they keep in touch. Those same responsibilities, and emotions, can easily apply to non-family circumstances. My volunteer work in that field was over 40 years ago, and I still have fond memories of a number of individuals whose paths crossed mine for a brief moment in time.

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Yes, it is a similar situation. It is a matter of feeling responsible for the welfare of another person or that we are particularly concerned about their welfare.
Regarding the children. In the end, there cannot be a greater feeling to see the kids standing on their own feet and creating their lives while they still love staying in touch. So, I am a happy mom.

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Oh, sorry, I was talking to someone else before and automatically continued in German πŸ˜‚ So, you got your German lesson today… lol! Will edit it right away 🀭

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Yes, that’s right. We never know in advance what an encounter is for. We may not even always see it in hindsight. But however, every encounter, for some moments or for a lifetime holds the necessary essence that is needed. The love that surrounds us in this universe is amazing.

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This is such a powerful post, Erika. We all make contracts before entering this human body, but we are not privy to what we agreed with any individual. You expressed the concept beautifully. Have a wonderful week! Hugs!

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You said that so well. We knew and agreed to this life before we entered it. Being here it is often hard to understand that we did. But trusting that everything happens in a greater context that is only for our greatest good, makes us cope better, and live this life in a loving and faithful way. Thank you so much, Jan πŸ’–

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This deeply resonated with me, on a soul level. I’m dealing with something very similar. Thank you for putting into words and helping to lighten what has been heavy in my heart. πŸ’—

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It can tear you apart in such a situation when you feel caught in your own feelings. To tell from your words, you already see that there is an ending to imprisonment. Step by step you get closer with every little hint and confirmation. In the end, it only needs a light push and the wall breaks down. Letting go and freeing yourself is a feeling of strength and zest for life that can barely be described with words. You will see soonπŸ’–
Much love to you, dear MiriamπŸ’–

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Absolutely, Miriam. We tend to force ourselves to understand which only blocks the sight even more (I am not a bit different). Much love to you too, dear Miriam πŸ’–

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I think we all have been in such a situation once. Unconditional love is so difficult to describe to be understood. I am glad if this example worked. Thank you, dear Martina. I wish you a lovely evening and a very good week!


Ah dear lady, have you by any chance walked this path πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹
It was an amazing thing to understand that moment in time, to ‘let go’ everything or not be able to heal and be faithless to myself and her. In that moment I had stood aside and felt I was no longer attached to this world…and unconditional was born, for her and me. But as time went by and our healing had been opened, we began to change. Not the ‘conditional’ fearful people we were…but not the ‘unconditional’ we had touched either.
I think it is like this…we love many people in our lives but no two the same. Our experiences with them are those many shades of ‘conditional’ love where we can be more open with our partners, but our Mother In Law not so much. Or our fathers or children or…now here is one to reflect upon…a pet puppy. We love them to bits…why…because of those lack of expectations you spoke of Erika, there are very few people without those expectations that we are not afraid of, fearful even by how they act with us. And our biggest fear is with ourselves, those doubts and lack of belief in us.
But as time goes on we slowly find us and one day see why we fear, and in that understanding it is like we reach a mountain top. A hard, hard climb but now we can see forever and an appreciation of what it took to find this beauty is taking on something else. Instead of holding in those doubts and fears, in understanding them we let them go, almost floating from all those conditions we had bound ourselves in. In all that we do we hold onto something, be they dreams, achievements or anything else in our lives…but it isn’t until we let everything go can we become that unconditional love…and that final destination in all of its purity is still awaiting above. I can see it, I have had a most incredible ‘moment’ where I touched it, and it is so profound , loving and beautiful. But down here is to do those hard paths, struggle and endure so that when our time comes we will truly understand what unconditional is by doing this conditional world. We don’t truly appreciate happiness unless we have suffered sadness too..and on into all of our emotions. This world will give us a great gift so that when we do touch that magnificence ‘up there’, we will indeed appreciate it beyond measure what we have been given down here…and finally see the forest…because of the tree’s.
Dear lady, I thank you for sharing something that is truly beyond words…but you did it justice anyway. It can be a hard thing to grasp but your journey has obviously touched it deeply and allowed you to bring it into the light. Thank you ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

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What I learned from you and compared with my life is that we need to go into conditionality in order to break out of it again. We are born unconditional but through conditionality, we learn the truth, the true healing, what immortality means. You inspired me so much. Your story went very deep and stroke many chords. So, it is, like always, a collective path in which we all push and pull each other into awareness.
Thank you for doing this with so much love, Mark πŸ’–

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My pleasure dear lady, it was given me to see ‘after’ I tripped and stumbled. I could not see its truth without those things first, and like anything we experience it begins with us being unsure of ourselves until with much experience we ‘know’ what it means. Especially that one thing that begins our journey, that apparent lack of love that we believe is us that causes it. But as life goes on we begin to see it differently, understand that there is more to it. And that emotionally explosive moment one day forces us to look deeper and finally see what we have always hidden from childhood because of its pain, see that it had a great purpose of keeping us in the dark so that when we understood we then ‘know’ that it all had great purpose…so that we could appreciate what we have experienced and know it was required so that we could ‘see’ us, find that self love we had hidden from ourselves and in doing so ‘let go’ of practically all that we had held onto and become that inner love we had always been afraid to see. It is a beautiful journey to see, understand and appreciate ‘after’ such a struggle through life. Only then can it be seen for the truth that this love is…that self love we had ever denied ourselves, in our doubts and beliefs holding us ever outside our hearts, but finally appreciating that this very journey is needed so that we can see that our hearts were bound, shielded and hidden away inside us.until we dared to look and appreciate what we found hidden underneath it all because of what we had endured to find it.
And I thank you for sharing dear lady, even under all of our ‘bits’ we still are attracted to that love around us to begin with until we dare to look within. Keep writing my friend, it gives hope and belief of that inner love πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

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Mark, Mark, Mark… I say it again: You need to write a book. And not only that. You need to hold lectures. Your audience waits for you. You would be such a fantastic motivational speaker sharing healing words. I feel blessed to experience this here! Thank you πŸ’–

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Still being contemplated my friend, I can feel it but there still seems to be something ‘waiting’ to be found. Maybe its just the title…’Healing Your Heart From Within’…but that explains it like it is I suppose. Or maybe it should be…’Love, The Chocolate Of Life’ πŸ˜‚
I’m sorry, I’m being frivolous because it has finally cooled off with a nice breeze and some rain. After four days of heat and no breeze it was getting a bit hot. February is our month of very high heat, humidity and no air conditioning in my car. They’ve banned the gas that it used so I can’t fill it up again. Time to sell my book so I can drive cool again 🀣

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You definetly chose the right title for your blog, Mark. And yes, there might always be something left that keeps us from complete awareness… but that… is the reason we incarnated. Otherwise, we may not be here because we got it done…
So, I don’t know if I shall laugh or cry reading your words. It is freezing cold over here and I wish you could share some of your heat… haha.

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We’ve had an temperature shift called La Nina and it tempers everything down and gives lots of rain and lovely ‘warm’ weather. We are now in flash flooding all over the place, wild storm staking roofs off and tree’s down everywhere. Only in Australia, fires one day, wild storms and Cyclones the next πŸ˜‚ 🀣
I shall try to siphon off a little heat and push it across the equator and up your way πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

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