The Opposite of Love Is Fear

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My post Who Is The Thinker caused some interesting discussions. Hugh of Hugh’s Views & News asked why fear can be the opposite of love. He said he thought it was hate. Before I thought of that theory I felt the same about it. I think hate is the first thing that comes to our minds when we think of the opposite of love. But is hate really the end- or only a by-product when it comes to the opposite of love?

I try to get there with an example of my life. Exchanging fear with love caused my biggest breakthrough moment which made me write my book “I’m Free”. I realized that I don’t need to fear anyone or anything and it changed my life instantly. How did I get to the point of this dramatic breakthrough which happened within moments of pure awareness? It was because I worked on myself intensively for a couple of years to learn to accept and to value who I am. Or in other words: I learned to love myself again.

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I hid myself in a dungeon to not get hurt. Why was I afraid of being hurt? Because I had too little self-esteem to stand tall for myself. I was used to taking the opinions of those “who know better”. I had never learned to have my own opinion. And if I spoke up, I was more or less punished in case what I said differed from the opinion of certain people. This influenced my childhood and early adulthood so much that is was part of my belief system. I denied my personality because I was afraid it could not fit in. This means I did not respect, value… love… myself which caused my low self-esteem.

After almost 4 decades and many little puzzle pieces in my hands, I realized that there was more wrong with those particular people who needed me to practice their power than with me. What was wrong with me was that I allowed it. I did not love myself because I was too afraid. For too long I thought others need to change, grant me acceptance and allow me to live my real me. But when that breakthrough moment happened it was because of the deep love for myself that has begun to grow and blew that door open. When I stood there with tears in my eyes feeling my chaining fears dissolving a deep love and powerful strength filled that inner place – for the first time in my life I felt my Self!

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All the intolerance I felt for others I had felt for myself. All the resistance against others dissolved since there was no resistance against myself anymore. All the fights and resentments versus others I could let go because I was in peace with myself. I realized that when the fears had left all the hatred had left too. And it happened because I began to love myself.

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When I am acting out of fear, I am blocked in my actions and limited in my thinking. I become intolerant. I am blind for options, I feel resistance against the object of fear (I hate it). When I hate something (or someone) I may need to ask me if there is something I fear about the situation or the person. I did not like certain people because I feared their dominant behavior and not granting me a voice. As long as I acted out of that place of hatred caused by fear all my efforts to be respected failed.

When I am acting out of love, I am unlimited in my actions and my thinking. I am open to recognize solutions and options which is caused by my tolerance. I am aware that there is more to know than I already do know. Once I began acting out of a place of love for myself there was no effort needed to make others respect me. I did not need their approval anymore. But I received it anyway.

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Fear and hate are going along very well with each other. But to tell from what I have learned, heard, read by so many great teachers and then experienced it myself, they go along with each other. Once love takes over both dissolve. I believe that fear and love are two ends of the same energy.

I like the metaphor of light (love) and darkness (fear). Light and darkness cannot exist at the same time, neither can love and fear. Check it out. If someone acts aggressive and angry against you it can cause a feeling of thread and fear. Step back and look at the situation. Try to understand why they act or react that way. What you are doing at that moment is giving love to the situation. And even if you don’t get an explanation, the love you put in makes you accept that there is something in that person’s story that made them act the way they did. Whether there is an explanation or not, love fills you and detaches your identification with the situation and the negative energy.

Love yourself and you will look at fear differently.

A big thank you to Hugh for his wonderful and inspiring question.

In Love and Light

About the Author

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The purpose of my blog is to inspire and to shine a light on the beauty and power of the wonderful being inside your body. You came into this world in order to share what only you can give. Remember who you really are, conquer the world the way you always wanted, and become the blessing for all of us you were meant to be.

69 Comments

I so believe in this and know how true it is because I live it in my own life. Living with a high level of fear, panic even that ran my body like a motor for years and years due to unresolved trauma. It was a welcome shift to invite true love of self, self acceptance, trust and belief within to allow the highest vibration which is love to flow within me. The connection between fear and love explains so much for me in my life this past year.
I really love this post Erika, truly beautiful β€πŸ˜ŠπŸ™Œ

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Your view on this is very inspiring gives a deeper insight. Thank you very much for sharing your personal experience, Maria. I think only those who experienced it really understand how the power of real love can make you invincible.

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I am humbled by your kindness always Erika. I do agree, personal experience has taught me the most throughout my entire life honestly. It’s always a pleasure to share my insights in an attempt to uplift others 😊❀

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I love communicating with and by emojis …..btw check out my latest post. I had a professional photoshoot done for my media and upcoming new book. I am showing myself acceptance and love by embracing my spirit and capturing my naturalness in front of a camera πŸ“Έ

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Hmmmm! I cannot disagree with your rationale, and congratulate you on finding the real you … but fear and hate are surely both (independently) opposites to love. I can see the example of one side of a perceived loving couple being abusive in some manner to their partner … and I can see the victim being afraid of what might happen next. However, if the victim in this scenario is abused to such a degree that fear then generates opportunity = the motivation to take a totally different road, then I would suggest that their original feelings of love could well turn to resentment and, possibly, hate. Just a thought! πŸ™‚

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I still think that if I feel anger or resentments there is still something I don’t love about myself. Why else would I react not lovingly otherwise? (I don’t talk about defending my life when it is endangered). So, I am not in my love. Perhaps I make it depending on someone else and their actions. But that is not love. Yes, human love can change. But the more steadfast I am in myself and in my own love (and that is what I am actually talking about in this article) the more I unconditionally I can basically take everybody. Because I understand that we all have our challenges in ourelves and life is change. But what never needs to change is the power of love inside of me. That only depends on me.

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Let’s explore the “hate” aspect further, and use this scenario as an example.

John and Jane Doe married and believed their loving relationship would last forever.

Unbeknownst to John, Jane was becoming frustrated with her life and saw their relationship as limiting her potential as a person. She slowly withdrew (emotionally) from John and, over the course of time, their relationship became strained. Jane did in fact develop another relationship which she believed was more in harmony with her belief about herself.

John did not understand why Jane was so distant, but Jane was making plans. She had made arrangements to move across to the other side of the country, and just needed a large sum of money to get her new life started. John had tried to talk to her, but to no avail. With no tangible explanation, she insisted that she was just having a confusing time but would soon sort it out. He offered to make an appointment with a counsellor, but she was not interested. She explained that she would get herself back on track soon.

One day, John came home from work to find that she had gone. He was very distraught, and phoned one of her friends. She told him that Jane had moved across the country with a man she had been seeing for quite a while now. She was surprised that Jane had not told him that she was leaving.

John was really confused and upset that she had not told him, and rather resented the fact that this friend (and how many others?) knew more about what had been going on in his marriage than he did.
He soon discovered that she had cashed in a large value of investments which he understood was going towards their retirement plans, and had emptied their joint bank account.

While he was still trying to process the dissolution of their relationship, he now had to come terms with the fact that she had taken away his financial security. While he was very resentful about the devious and under-handed way that she had made the separation, he was now angry at himself for not seeing the “writing on the wall”. A short time later, he received a statement from his credit card company, and she had overspent right up to the maximum over draft limit allowed. This was later followed by a statement from his bank making him aware that his overdraft limit on his account had been reached.

His anger towards himself slowly dissipated because, upon reflection, he had tried to talk about the relationship, and he had even suggested getting professional help. Neither proved productive, but that was due to Jane’s response. He should not beat himself up over it. He was however feeling so much anger towards Jane …………………….. (end of story).

I am not suggesting that John would intuitively turn that resentment to hatred, but I am suggesting that he could, and it would be quite different from fear, and also having little to do with his feelings about himself. Your position re fear vs hate is no doubt an accurate expression of your experiences, but I don’t think we can conclude that this would be the norm.

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You know, I am the kind of person who tries to look at the bigger picture and from out of the box.
In my example, I was talking about the love and confidence in myself which I suppressed through my thoughts regarding self-doubts and fears. Once I released those destructive thinking patterns in realizing that it was I myself who restricted me and no one else, I felt so much love for myself and at the same time, I understood and respected everyone’s else’s negative thoughts about themselves and even about me because it is the misunderstanding we produce ourselves. Hatred was part of the negative feelings which dissolved together with the fear that way. Of course, I don’t let anyone treat me badly and I stand up for my rights (right now I am about to go after an architect who was paid by my mom but never delivered) but I try my best to not hurt myself in becoming hateful. People cannot get out of their skins like I can’t regarding my current state of consciousness, but right that makes me understanding.
So, as I see it, all relationships are affected by how much love I feel for myself. And they can for sure be a stairway to discover more love for the person itself. Again, when I feel negative emotions regarding a person, I ask myself what is it in me that triggers it and why do I react the way I react.

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Such wisdom within your words Erika… Only one who has gone through this experience can describe what it is like.. And when we shed the fear, and embark upon self love, the weight and burden we carried in our unworthy thoughts of ourselves dissolves into nothingness.. For we then truly understand how much self harm is done as we carry the fear others inject within us, be it in our childhood, our relationships or the media at large…
When we step back as you say and really look! there are only two emotions.. LOVE and Fear…
Learning to choose love and no longer being a victim of another’s controlling ways who wield power over another by making them fearful is a lot of work..
And I so understand how hard that inner work you speak of is, as we dive deeper into our own emotional core to extract that vulnerable child whose low esteem was played upon..
We learn to nurture that child and love them and when we have found that inner child’s heart, and it understands that it is only the Fear we hold onto that causes the damage..
So well done Erika..
Thank you for sharing your heart and your truth…
It’s a journey I so relate to my friend..
Thank you ❀
Much love your way ❀

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Your comment says it all, Sue. It truly is the greatest insight we can gain to understand that all the fears, the doubts, the thoughts of unworthyness are home made. And that we can change this all in an instand due to the realization.
Yes, it is a long journey until the inner child dares to look above the rim and finds out that there is nothing to fear but that it kept itself from enjoying life and living its purpose which it longed for so much.

I can totally feel how much you can relate to this, Sue. Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and your own feelings on this πŸ’–

Lots of love and big hugs your way, dear Sue πŸ’–

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Thank YOU dear Erika… Your wisdom I know will help many come to a new understanding of Self imposed Fear and learning to nurture that small inner child within who often absorbed its inner wounds that are carried into adulthood.. ❀

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It is wonderful what you said here. It is the inner child crying through the wounds of the adult. In embracing it and telling it that there is no monster hiding under the bed we are healing ourselves. We do know it. But you said it beautifully here. Thank you for sharing your sensitive energy on this, Sue. I feel so blessed to have you over πŸ’–

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A wonderful post full of truth. So glad you were able to find love for yourself! Its so importsnt for like you said it affects our view on everything wheb we don’t love ourselves and letting fear rule our heart is never a good thing!

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There is only one person that can keep me from living and loving. We need to start with ourselves in order to gain what we are looking for, right? Thank you very much for your wonderful comment, Joy πŸ’–

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Thanks so much for the mention, Erika. I’m delighted that the comment I left on your previous post resulted in the inspiration to write this post.

Here’s another question for you based on something you said in this post. You said that ‘Light and darkness cannot exist at the same time; neither can love and fear.’ I’ve recently been supporting a friend who loves his girlfriend very much. However, over the last few months, she has attacked him several times for no reasons, yet he won’t leave her and says he still loves her. I asked him if he fears what she may do next, and he said he does. Is that a case of fear and love existing for the same person, and at the same time?

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Hi, Hugh, I am happy you liked what I made of your question. And I thank you very much for the wonderful inspiration.

Regarding your question, this is what’s coming to my mind spontaneously:
Your example is talking about human love which is the love we feel for someone else. Human love is mostly conditional which leads to an alternation in feelings (like dependency, demands, happiness, frustration, “she makes me happy”,…). But how steadfast is your friend in himself and his own love? When he is fully in his own love then he may still love her while loving and respecting himself too. I dare to say that if this would be the case (while he sees his life endangered) then he would leave her when even lovingly. Or he would try to find a way together with her how to overcome this all until he reaches again the point where in his love he would have to go.

Only to tell from your lines, I would say that there are dependency and fear to lose her. It may have been love but it has turned into fear… when even in turns. True and unconditional love stands above circumstances. It is centered and it gives this strength, steadfastness, and confidence. It is the love from inside of us and not the love we feel for someone and which can turn into desperation when the person changes.

So, I would say, it is not possible that fear and love exist at the same time.

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Thanks for your response, Erika. I’m still not convinced that fear and love can not exist at the same time. I have a deep love for myself because I look after myself and know that I’m important, yet I can still experience fear. I believe that fear is a part of life. Without it, life would be different. I’d go on to say that life on this planet would be entirely different if fear did not exist. Like love, fear has taught me a lot, and although it’s something I try and avoid (unless I’m looking for it such as taking a ride on a rollercoaster), I think it an essential part of our lives. Without it, the human race would be different.

On the other hand, ‘Hate’ is something I always reject. I even dislike using the word. However, I know it does exist and, for me, it’s the opposite of love.

This would make an interesting discussion if we were sat having a cup of coffee. Maybe I haven’t grasp everything you’ve said in your post? Some things can come across as totally different when they are spoken face to face with someone. After all, two people can read the same sentence and come away with different interpretations, can’t they?

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You know, I really like your examples and I understand where you come from.

I think it needs a better definition of fear from my side to make clearer what I mean. I differ between fear as something that keeps us from living our potential (like self-doubts, being afraid of trying something new, …) on one hand and the feeling of instinct and intuition (survival) on the other hand. For example I cannot imagine ever parachuting. I am much too afraid because I feel my life in danger BUT it doesn’t keep me from living. I think the love for myself supports that instinct to take care of my well-being but at the same time it makes me stronger and more self-confident to also expand my being. It really is about the definition of fear.

I totally agree that fear is a part of life because it teaches us so much. As I wrote in my post. Fear kept me small and in overcoming it, I began to feel what power is actually lying inside of me. There is so much that still triggers fears inside of me. So many little tasks in life which ask me to step up for myself. In knowing what I know I have no excuse anymore, I cannot blame anyone but me, if I don’t step up for myself. The more I remember the love inside of me the more peaceful I become, the more I detatch from the problem or the task, and the better I can deal with it. Yes, fear definitely makes a big difference in life.

You are right that a one-to-one talk would help a lot. Also, because I am not sure if I can express myself well enough. Once I begin to explain it takes me somewhere and I know that sometimes I digress in my excitement…. lol. That is true, when face-to-face things are said differently although saying the same thing… lol. Who knows, maybe I can make it to the Bash this year and it would be awesome that we can talk about it.

Thank you for your continuous interest and replies. I appreciate that a lot, Hugh 😊

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Oh dear lady, only that wisdom of self love can bear those answers, for it is only that love that can go through that door of fear ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½
Love is all. All other emotions are those stepping stones to find it ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½
Beautifully said, wisely expressed and lovingly shared. Thank you πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹ 🦘 🐬 🐳 🌺 🌹 🌈

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Wow, thank you, dear Mark. Wonderfully said, Mark. Whatever emotion we feel, leads to the awareness of love. I hope you know, how much I appreciate your fresh and deep comments. Would you allow me to quote you?πŸ™πŸ˜

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Most certainly dear lady. And just as an aside, after many years I realised I loved many people, but, that love was different for everyone. I loved my wife totally (so I thought), my mother-in-law (even though she drove me up the wall occasionally), and even loved my puppy absolutely. And it wasn’t until I ‘saw’ in my awakening that I held things against those people that I realised my fear towards each of them was filtering my love. Yes I loved them, but each one did something or didn’t do something which (for me) affected my love for them. Fear is a filter, anger is a filter, even happiness is a filter ( but much weaker than the others), for how we love.
They are all conditions we place on our love, those filters in everything we do…until we see them for what they are, understand what they are, and let them go to move towards that unconditional we all seek, that love and happiness that we touch sometimes but never seem to hold, until that awakening πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½
Um, I think I said yes up there somewhere πŸ˜‚

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Mark this was beyond amazing. such a wonderful explanation how fear and our conditional thinking dims the light of love and keeps us from its joy and power. Hugh asked me a question because a friend of his loves his girlfriend but fears her unpredictable attacks. In some way your reply her totally answers his question. I am blown away, Mark.
Oh, and thank you πŸ˜„

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