Before I come to the point of what I want to tell you today, I have to share a pre-story to convey the core of the message. The long intro is not the subject but is necessary to share to take you where I want to get. What is also special about this post? While working on it, I went through quite a few stages of understanding, and when I finished it, I was at peace with what happened and filled with endless gratitude for the love we have been granted to experience life and ourselves in so many deep ways. So, I don’t mean that you feel sorry for me because I am fine now. I know all is well and in perfect order.

July 4th, I was preparing to go to Vienna with my husband the next day. We got invited to a big party for my sister’s 50th and niece’s 20th birthday. On that Thursday, our two older kids left for vacation, too. That meant our youngest one, who still lives with us, would be alone over the weekend, which is no problem. He is 21 and can take care of himself. All would have been fine. Like every night, we ensured my son’s cat returned home. Normally, he returns by himself early enough, but sometimes he likes to stay outside longer than we like it – like on that evening. Whatever we tried, he did not show up. We spread and went around the closer neighborhood. My son checked every car, and we checked on garages. Our cat was so curious and loved to slip into open doors. However, after more than an hour, I began to feel anxious and had a very bad feeling expanding in my stomach. I thought maybe he had a fight with another animal in the woods. What if he was injured and lying somewhere? Then again, at twelve at night, we might barely find him in the darkness of the nightly woods. I already considered not going to Vienna until we had found that cat. I told my husband, but he calmed me. Also, my son was very serene and positive. He said either our Mika fell asleep somewhere further away or got locked up somewhere close. So, I told myself not to become hysterical and expect the worst. But that feeling wouldn’t go away.

I could barely sleep that night. Mika did not show up all night. In the morning, the bad feeling got really bad. He ALWAYS came home. At 5 am, I finally got up. My son heard me, got up, too, and began checking the area by car. I did the same by foot and went further than we checked the night before. I went down a small road surrounded by trees, which is prohibited for cars. When I went around a corner, all of a sudden, I saw Mika sitting about 30 meters in front of me. Gosh, I was so relieved, stopped, and said: “Hey, Mika, there you are!” But instead of running towards me, which he naturally did, he turned around and ran off. From my angle, I could not see where exactly he was going, but I followed, and only 3 to 4 seconds later, I was out of the trees – no Mika, no sound, no movement anywhere. It seemed as if he just disappeared. I called my son that I had seen him. He came, and we checked that area as well as we could, but still no sign of him. I did not want to leave as long as he wasn’t back home, but again, my son was so positive – especially since I saw the cat. So, we got on that train, but the oppressive feeling did not leave me.

My son took the rest of the day off, created flyers, hung them in the area, and went on another search. I went on social media and spread the message of our missed tomcat. I also messaged a friend who runs an animal physiotherapy practice only three to four minutes from our house. She is an animal communicator, too, even though she does not offer it anymore. I asked her to try contacting our cat, and she agreed. Just when we arrived at the hotel, my son called me. Desperate and overwhelmed, he cried into the phone that he found Mika – dead in the grass beside the street, below the small hill we live. He was so close, but it was a spot we had not thought of checking. He have such a wide and safe area around our house. We never considered him expanding his territory in that direction. The worst-case scenario: I was in Vienna, my son’s cat was dead, and he found him being all by himself. He was not able to lift the cat. He was so overwhelmed with the situation.

Thank God, in all that tragedy, my friend I mentioned above was there. Her practice is always full all day until late at night. But on that day, I was lucky. She missed my call but read the message I sent her only seconds later and reacted instantly. She had a break of 15 minutes until the next client came and headed to my son, who was not moving an inch from his best friend, as he said. She knew what to do, took both to her house, and they quickly discussed how to move on. Her husband was available too and drove our son with his cat to the animal hospital where Mika is going to be cremated. I cannot explain how I felt. It was like a bombardment of feelings and thoughts. But the worst thing to me was that I sensed it but pushed the feeling aside. Could we have helped him if we had found him that night? Probably not BUT maybe we could have said goodbye to him, and he did not have to die alone. We will never know. Of course, we took the next available train and went back. But in that one crucial moment, I was not there – against better knowledge. So, I am getting closer to my actual point.

By all my grief, I think, I am not doing bad in accepting that it happened. We knew the risk, and I understand it was in his and our plan. BUT I have to deal with the lesson that I did not follow my intuition. Two questions appeared with flashlights:
Why didn’t I keep searching although I felt I should? Why did I leave, although I felt I shouldn’t?
What would have been the “worst” that could have happened if I had stayed home? Mika could have appeared healthy and happy, and I had missed the party or we could have taken the train the next day. Even if some had called me overreacting, that would have been not as bad as the worst-case scenario we experienced. I am aware that there are several lessons for each one of us. Maybe it had to be that my son had to face this alone, for example. I know that shoulda-woulda-coulda doesn’t help anyone and that nothing happens in vain. Even an accident is not just an accident. We all received our lessons, and the big one for me is that I won’t ever ignore my intuition anymore.

Long story short:
Please, listen to you, and in doubt, follow your feelings.
It keeps you from unnecessary additional pain.
Follow your intuition and make a decision!

I thought I was done with my post at this point. But no, now the big reveal was only about to take place. Right after I wrote this draft, I went outside, still caught in my thoughts about this all. I only took a few steps into the garden when I caught sight of this feather next to our house:

A large feather, exposed in such a way – what more confirmation do I need? We all come here to share something, to give and receive, but most of all, to support the way we live, what we do, and even in our death. That is our mission on each other. This feather at that moment is my sign that it all went as it should, including the whole learning essence. We offered Mika a great life in which he could live in freedom but was cared for, after months of being pushed around in several homes. And he brought so much joy and love to us. I never thought a pet could teach me so much serenity and unconditional love. Often we cannot see the greater context of why things happen, but sometimes later we recognize it when we cease to block ourselves in resistance. Nothing happens to punish anyone. Such happenings are love in disguise, helping us to learn, what we wouldn’t otherwise. One spark of this immense love showed up when my friend stepped in where I couldn’t. What more do I need to know that there is always help at hand when we need it the most? That is the next lesson I learned: to develop a deeper trust in this universal system. It is so obvious that everything had to be the way it was. It was ok for me to leave or the plan would not have been able to work and Mika’s death would have been in vain. Those happenings are brought with so much love like the sign in the shape of this feather which I also see as a gift and “thank you” from my fury sweetheart. So, in the process of writing this post, I accepted my lesson and found peace in it. It’s ok!

In Love and Light

P.S. For those who may ask: “But you said you saw him. How does that fit together?” I am sure Mika died that night or very early morning shortly after he got hit by a car. But I know it was him whom I saw the next morning. That explains why I did not hear his bell around his neck and why he appeared out of nothing and disappeared into nothing again. It is not the first time that I saw a soul after they died. He wanted to show me that he was still with us, and in running off in his playful way, he told me he was fine, and I don’t need to be sad. But first believing that I saw him physically was necessary for me to leave that the events could take their course. What a cat!!

On a side note: It can happen that you hit or run over a cat or other animal. What must not happen is that you don’t care about that being afterward! Even if all help comes too late for the animal, you can save its owners from unnecessary fear, uncertainty, and agonizing questions. Even when the animal is not equipped with information on a necklace (which ours had!), most cats are chipped and can be identified when brought to a veterinarian or an animal shelter.