You have several life sections which influence each other, a job (maybe more than one), a private life, perhaps you are a member of one or more associations, and more. Each part is meaningful to you and causes responsibilities and obligations. Also, you feel committed to the involved people. There can be those times when some of those parts need more room than usual or begin to expand. It can be a business that you are extending (which needs personal engagement), something in your private life that needs attention, and you may have had additional plans already. It is definitely not always easy to do justice to everyone and, at the same time, preserve your own needs.
That means that priorities have to be set. And it is definitely up to you to define them. Because you are the little grain of sand that is in danger of being crushed between the wheels. It is those situations where it’s impossible to meet everyone’s needs. And it is precisely because you see that you meet with little to no understanding, because everyone sees only their own interests in the foreground, that you must set boundaries for your well-being. Examine what really needs or must be done, what can be done in addition, and how far you are willing to stretch. Or go for “first come, first served”.
As I said, there may not be much sympathy for you anyway, no matter how much you push and pull. It’s also no use trying to satisfy everyone’s needs while you’re exhausted and frustrated, losing delight in everything, and perhaps even developing aggression. Whatever you do, someone will most likely be dissatisfied. So make sure that what you are doing is working for YOU. Only when it works for you can you maintain your enjoyment of what you are doing and thus the quality you want to find in the results of your actions.
Of course, you don’t want to disappoint anyone. It is hard to try to explain and not to find understanding. At some point, you need to make your decision and stand by it. It is absolutely fine when you decide to try to please everyone and put your own plans on the back burner, then stand by it. Then this is also a clear decision. The power behind it, which brings you through the situation, is always the conscious saying yes or no.
Set your priorities,
make your decision,
and grab the bull by the horns.
Only you truly know everything that led to your decision.
In Love and Light
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And eventually we will finally see that it is the boundaries that bind us, in everything. They are built by our fears and the expectations built from them. We will stand in them so that we can function and learn that in the end we can’t live that way as we never find that balance…because we aren’t balanced. When we find and understand our fears we ‘let it all go’, and can finally just be ourselves. We even know we are no longer being offensive to anyone or hurting anyone because by being ourselves we are showing them the truth they have not yet found.
An example, and you can apply this to anything…if you walk into a home and mum is on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor, you show her mops and buckets and an easier way. The next time you visit, here she is still on hands and knee’s scrubbing away again. But you ‘let it go’, she has chosen her journey and you respect that. And they must respect yours…you have found a very profound moment in understanding your fears and see that it does have a great purpose in you truly discovering what love truly is, and now stand within it. They will be angry, upset, reject you and a dozen other things. The first and foremost pointer to any fear…is an anger within you or another. But by going along with their fears you are just reinforcing them, by standing in your truth you are forcing them to question their own truth. They may have many more floors to scrub, but slowly they will face their fears and understand that truth waiting within them. And yes, we all make our mistakes, it is part of our journey to experience and understand. I’ve scrubbed many a floor myself, but it is those very acts that will give a true appreciation of what we will eventually find within us 😀❤️🙏🏽
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Yes, I agree, we need to be open, live and let live. On the other hand we need to say STOP if someone wants to own us or abuses our goodwill. Many, and I have been one of them (way not that much as I used to), need to scrub the floors in order to finally throw the sponge away, stands up, and says: Do it yourself!
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Well said Erika, and yes it does include boundaries, especially that tiny little word ‘no’. One of the hardest to form but also one of the shackle removers of our own fears. You have removed much of those beginnings and stood in your heart dear lady, a greater love you cannot give 😀❤️🙏🏽
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Yes, exactly, no can be a positive word when used to break spells we put on ourselves or when others try to intrude our inner world. No to fear for letting love bloom.
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I fully agree with Sue’s comment, and can’t say it better. THANKS! 🙂 xx Michael
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Who could, right?
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Another excellent article you have written Erika…
So often we want to be helpful, please others, and not disappoint.. So we say yes, nod our heads especially if we are that kind of person who wants to help others. But it can also be at our own expense….
Having been there, done that, and got the T-shirt, in the manufacturing side of business within production, having had higher up bosses delegate their load on me. I should have set those boundaries many times… And the only person who suffered was myself…
Knowing what we know now through our experiences, we learn, that we need boundaries, we need to learn to say that little word NO!… and mean what we say… And as you said… Stick to that decision.
If we don’t, we are not honouring ourselves and we are the ones who will crash and burn ourselves out…
And where are those then, to help us?? for as you also rightly said. ” there may not be much sympathy for you anyway, no matter how much you push and pull “….. So true, because many are just out for themselves …
So Boundaries are SO, Soooo, Important…
May we all learn to set them.. ❤ in doing so we are honouring ourselves… ❤
Much love dearest Erika. ❤ and thank you for this ❤
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I hear you in everything you said here, Sue. We want to be kind and supportive. I had a bad stand with my in-laws. It began that I was not a local. However, I wanted to show them my good will, adjust, participated in whatever stupid thing they planned. In the end, I constantly went against my inner conviction, and was only used. This all changed when I said NO. I said no before, but at that particular moment, that NO had a different quality and power. There was no compromise. It was a NO, kind but NO.
It is a tough lesson to learn and you get a bloody nose, and broken heart many times. You go through that self-questioning process until you finally realize that it is not You but the others who do have a problem. And in you they found a willing victim. I think learning to say NO without feeling guilty but actually stronger is one of those essential breakthroughs!
Yes, dear Sue, may we all learn to honor ourselves and the same time respect the No of others.
Thank you so much again for taking the time and sharing your experience and thoughts, dear friend. Much love to you 💖
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We can always be of service to others but we cannot please everybody at all times and when we try to do so, we end up stretching ourselves too thin.
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We can be of service but need to take care that others begin to own us. So, the last quote actually says it all.
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We cannot forget ourselves or it all becomes a moot point.
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We must live with our best interest at heart.
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And we must not be afraid to have our own back. I think that way nothing can happen.
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“People pleasing” seems to be such a common position to take but, while this selfless approach is admirable, it is doomed to failure. This is simply because one cannot please everybody. For all the people that love your dress style, your front garden, your interior decor etc. etc., there will always be those who would change it because …….!
However, thinking of others is an admirable condition of living but it is important that your boundaries are defined. This not only presents consistent standards to others (i.e. they can acknowledge a true and stable personality/character), but it also protects “you” in that you are not continually reassessing yourself based on who you anticipate meeting next!
This all comes back to taking care of yourself first. This is not selfish, but simply common sense, in that you cannot help others if you are struggling with your own life. It is simply not possible to help another through a personal crisis, if you are going through one yourself.
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You mentioned a lot of essential hints here, Colin. Yes, setting boundaries does protect you in many ways like, you are not crumbling between everybody’s interests, you stay yourself, and send out strength which results in respect.
You may lose yourself in the way when you try to be and do what others want you to be and do. In the end, it weakens and makes you only more receptive to mind intruders. You need to build up your protective shield again. Otherwise, you become the opposite of what you wanted to be: helpless and weak, instead of supportive and strong.
Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts on this topic, Colin!
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Erika, excellent piece. In our social media world, we share too many things that others should not know about. Some times it might help with someone who is need, while most of the time it is TMI. Keith
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You dropped the keyword: social media. That is such a good example of how to share private things of one with the world and therefore with people they don’t even know. Also, do I really want to know every single meal someone is eating? And of course, there are a lot more private things some share…
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I wonderfully wise text Erika. Something we all need to give serious thought to. ❤️
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Yes, I think it is good to remember from time to time. Sometimes we don’t notice it right away until we found ourselves in the midst of obligations that actually don’t concern us (or only up to a certain degree). Thank you, Holly!
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It happens all the time, sometimes it’s just too much.
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Yes, absolutely! And if you are that kind of person, you have difficulties to pull back once you realize it. So, experience by experience we realize it earlier to say STOP.
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That’s true, it’s best to nip it in the bud so to speak 😊
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Hehe, exactly!!
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Setting boundaries is a huge life lesson for me. I think I’m getting better at it, until I don’t. I’ve spent my entire life trying to take care of everyone’s needs. I fully understand life is a journey, not a destination, and I’m working on the boundaries issue with loving kindness. Thank you for this gentle reminder, Erika!
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As you said, it is a journey. Setting boundaries is one of the achievements many of us are working on during that journey. So, let’s walk a while side-by-side… hehe.
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I’m holding your hand!
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👭
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Boundaries are important for us, otherwise we end up doing things that are no good fir anyone 💛
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You say it, sis. We just do it serve another ego.
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Absolutely Sis 😊
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