What means the most to you in your life, might be the first you need to detach from!

When I had the idea of that quote I immediately thought of a very important impact in my own life which helped me to believe in myself again but made me dependent at the same time.

Recently I wrote an email to my best friend in which I told him that I am not planning to come to California for a while. I finally noticed that I was too attached to his support and attention.

Those of you who read my book also read about my friend. He was the one that made me facing my fears and believing in myself. The same happened to him. We already went to school together and a few years ago we got in touch again via email when both of us hit rock bottom. We developed a wonderful friendship and grew on sharing our thoughts, happenings in life, and how we dealt with it. But since he started a relationship with a very jealous woman, he began more and more to hide our friendship and keep me as a secret. I understood that it was not an easy situation. Therefore I kept myself in the background, did not show up but was there immediately when I was needed. I played this game for a few years and fought for this friendship this way. I should have noticed that fighting for a friendship already shows that something is wrong.

Meanwhile he even lies at his girlfriend and finds excuse to spend time with me and my husband. That was too much. It hurts that I have to shut my mouth and be hidden like a dark secret. I felt abused. Also honesty is very important to me. I don’t want anybody to lie because of me and I am not willing to make myself part of a lie anymore.

After four years the moment has arrived when I noticed that the origin of my breakthrough and transformation process had become a new chain in my life. I finally was courageous and frustrated enough to tell him that I won’t be part of a false game and that I am not willing to be made somebody I am not. Because this secretiveness only makes it something forbidden. I have to detach myself from a chain of disappointment in order to look at the situation with fresh eyes. I don’t quit the friendship but my part I played in it for the last four years. This decision made me build up a new strength and already loosens the first knot.

My friend and I have been going through similar situations and fought against similar inner ghosts. We understood each other in core which was responsible for our fast and straight development. I am endlessly thankful for this friendship, for what my friend has brought up inside of me, for every laughter and every tear, and also for the process I am in now. This way my friend (unconsciously and unknowing) helps me again to find into an independent life and so do I help him in taking action. Since I changed and everything around me has changed I have to change the way I embed this friendship into my life. I have to let go the old in order to let unfold something new.

One wonderful event in life can open doors and hearts. It can strengthen us and can give us insights about ourselves we had never seen without. But we have to be careful not to attach our new ability to an event, a person or a circumstance. Becoming attached means that there still is some fear or doubt left not to make it without the person or circumstance. But whatever we discover through that happening has always been there. The happening was only the entry to remind us. We will still keep everything inside of us with or without the cause of our awakening. It is another journey to find that out. Sometimes helpful circumstances become misunderstandings out of which we learn again.

We are always able to make the decision of detaching ourselves from everything that keeps us stuck. Often it doesn’t mean to break up with someone but to change the way we look at the situation, the person, or the relationship in order to be connected by heart not by a string.