Aren’t we all disappointed in ourselves at times? We think we “have it in the bag”, or we are convinced about how something works out, but then it hits us unexpectedly that we are mistaken. It can make us lose confidence in ourselves.

A few weeks ago, I passed the exam for the first year of my phytotherapy education. It was a tough year, but I cannot blame Corona or any outer circumstances. I underestimated the amount of time and effort the many projects caused that I started. I did not have much time for learning, and in addition to it, the overload which peaked between August and October caused concentration problems. Yes, I passed but way below my potential and expectations. I was very disappointed in myself. Most of all because the part that went not good was going so well before. I was about to lose confidence in myself.

However, I needed to find a way to get out of that destructive mood to find my motivation back to continue and keep the joy for the subject. Telling yourself how bad you did doesn’t change anything for the better. I asked myself: “What would you tell your clients or your children?” I would tell them:

• Nothing always goes perfect, and what is the definition of perfect?
• Life is not a static process. What looks simple and under control today, can be challenged by changing situations tomorrow.
• Your attitude to give the best of yourself is great, and you did your best. Although the conditions made it harder, you made it anyway.
• You know that you have been doing well and estimated tasks well. You only messed up this one task which unfortunately was part of the exam.
• You are not an expert yet, you are still a student, and you may (and shall) make mistakes. Because they provide the best ground for examples where the traps or stumble stones lie.
• A healer is always in a learning process anyway. And one who takes it seriously knows that they never know everything and that there is always growth potential. That is what makes this occupation so exciting.

What is the meaning of failure? To show us how we can become better. And if we are willing to become better, failure is only a way to lead us. It doesn’t mean to discourage or keep us from continuing anything. It can simply give us direction to stay on a straight path to reach the goal. That’s why I don’t like to call it a failure but experience. We need to be open to see the meaning of the experience and the potential for our developments.

There will always be things in life that make us feel like we are thrown back in our developments, but this is not the case. We are shown how it may not work and/or how it could work better. Our ego pride is not much help in such moments. It challenges the humbleness it needs to accept what happened and to look beyond and beneath it. And yes, also that is a lesson we are learning. And maybe it is even that ego pride to be overcome by those lessons. Because, once that happened, our humbleness and openness will automatically widen the view, and limit disappointing experiences.

We tend to expect a lot more from ourselves than from others, and we can be so hard and judging to ourselves. But whatever makes you question your assessment of your world view, your decisions, your person, it only happens because you take something serious. And that is a beautiful virtue. In the end, there are only a few things to do:

Draw the quintessence, put issues at rest, look ahead, and move on!

In Love and Light