My post Who Is The Thinker caused some interesting discussions. Hugh of Hugh’s Views & News asked why fear can be the opposite of love. He said he thought it was hate. Before I thought of that theory I felt the same about it. I think hate is the first thing that comes to our minds when we think of the opposite of love. But is hate really the end- or only a by-product when it comes to the opposite of love?

I try to get there with an example of my life. Exchanging fear with love caused my biggest breakthrough moment which made me write my book “I’m Free”. I realized that I don’t need to fear anyone or anything and it changed my life instantly. How did I get to the point of this dramatic breakthrough which happened within moments of pure awareness? It was because I worked on myself intensively for a couple of years to learn to accept and to value who I am. Or in other words: I learned to love myself again.

I hid myself in a dungeon to not get hurt. Why was I afraid of being hurt? Because I had too little self-esteem to stand tall for myself. I was used to taking the opinions of those “who know better”. I had never learned to have my own opinion. And if I spoke up, I was more or less punished in case what I said differed from the opinion of certain people. This influenced my childhood and early adulthood so much that is was part of my belief system. I denied my personality because I was afraid it could not fit in. This means I did not respect, value… love… myself which caused my low self-esteem.

After almost 4 decades and many little puzzle pieces in my hands, I realized that there was more wrong with those particular people who needed me to practice their power than with me. What was wrong with me was that I allowed it. I did not love myself because I was too afraid. For too long I thought others need to change, grant me acceptance and allow me to live my real me. But when that breakthrough moment happened it was because of the deep love for myself that has begun to grow and blew that door open. When I stood there with tears in my eyes feeling my chaining fears dissolving a deep love and powerful strength filled that inner place – for the first time in my life I felt my Self!

All the intolerance I felt for others I had felt for myself. All the resistance against others dissolved since there was no resistance against myself anymore. All the fights and resentments versus others I could let go because I was in peace with myself. I realized that when the fears had left all the hatred had left too. And it happened because I began to love myself.

When I am acting out of fear, I am blocked in my actions and limited in my thinking. I become intolerant. I am blind for options, I feel resistance against the object of fear (I hate it). When I hate something (or someone) I may need to ask me if there is something I fear about the situation or the person. I did not like certain people because I feared their dominant behavior and not granting me a voice. As long as I acted out of that place of hatred caused by fear all my efforts to be respected failed.

When I am acting out of love, I am unlimited in my actions and my thinking. I am open to recognize solutions and options which is caused by my tolerance. I am aware that there is more to know than I already do know. Once I began acting out of a place of love for myself there was no effort needed to make others respect me. I did not need their approval anymore. But I received it anyway.

Fear and hate are going along very well with each other. But to tell from what I have learned, heard, read by so many great teachers and then experienced it myself, they go along with each other. Once love takes over both dissolve. I believe that fear and love are two ends of the same energy.

I like the metaphor of light (love) and darkness (fear). Light and darkness cannot exist at the same time, neither can love and fear. Check it out. If someone acts aggressive and angry against you it can cause a feeling of thread and fear. Step back and look at the situation. Try to understand why they act or react that way. What you are doing at that moment is giving love to the situation. And even if you don’t get an explanation, the love you put in makes you accept that there is something in that person’s story that made them act the way they did. Whether there is an explanation or not, love fills you and detaches your identification with the situation and the negative energy.

Love yourself and you will look at fear differently.

A big thank you to Hugh for his wonderful and inspiring question.

In Love and Light