I Would Definitely Apologize…

 

 

435971-Wayne-W-Dyer-Quote-You-can-sit-there-forever-lamenting-about-how.jpgA few days ago our dear Carol Anne of Therapy Bits asked in one of her posts: If you knew you had only 24 hours left to live, what would you do?

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That question stroke a chord in me. Instantly, I knew what I would do. As I commented at Carol Anne’s post, I would apologize. I would apologize to some particular people (again) and clarify that what I said or did, had much more to do with me than with them. I would want them to know that they are amazing, that it was me who let my ego handle everything, and that although I did not like what I saw I did not interrupt it because I could not manage to break out of my shell. I would say that it was my impatience and dissatisfaction with myself and not them not sufficing. I am fully aware that such apologies need to happen before we only have hours left… if there is time left at all. But the motivation of simply being a better person now and proving it by action is often stronger than the courage to apologize.

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Often I write about not taking things personally when we are treated unfairly by others. But what about us? I too behaved unfairly towards some of those who are closest to me. I did take the humiliations I experienced very personally and at some point, I could not handle it anymore and put it on those who did not turn the other cheek. Yes, it is an explanation and maybe it is human but it can never be an excuse. Although I never hurt someone physically, when I was in a rage my words could feel like knives. There is still that demon sitting inside of me. Today it is not hurting others anymore but it reminds me of pictures of the past which cannot be changed anymore… not even by an apology. I am sure that those others would never judge me like I judge myself.

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And here we go now: This proves to me that forgiving oneself is the toughest. I realized it since I did apologize to my 3 children about 4 years ago (I wrote about it here and here and they were completely fine. Still, that demon keeps teasing and torturing me from time to time. But now it is only my problem since I made sure they know. The liberation I am feeling at this moment I am writing this is indescribable. 

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What do I want to say with this post? Most of all:

  • Even if you cannot forgive yourself, make sure others know that you regret what happened. If you cannot tell them in person anymore, simply think of them and tell them when even only in your thoughts. They’ll hear it and, by the way, they know anyway.
  • Don’t wait with an apology until it is too late. It is those who are left behind who suffer the most again. We never know what our deeds or words left in someone.
  • Always know: You are not alone. Don’t think you are the only one who feels such a demon inside. We are here for learning and for progressing in our awareness. Such insights are not meant to punish us but to grow from them.

 

Thank you, Carol Anne, for the inspiration to this post.

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In Love and Light

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32 Comments

As I was reading down your narrative Erika I was saying to myself we only need to forgive ourselves, this is what keeps us in guilt etc.. None of us are without our faults, We would not be here in our Human experience were we perfect..
But the simple recognition of our need to apologise shows us how far we have grown.
Those who still have much to learn are kept in victim mode or blame everyone else except themselves.
My inner demons can often rise unexpectedly Erika even though I think they are tamed.. I learn something new about ME and the layers of ME every day..

Another wonderful deep post my friend. I always love reading your deeper inner thoughts my friend..
Much love your way Erika.. ❤
Enjoy your week my friend
Sue ❤

Liked by 1 person

Your words totally speak to my heart, Sue. I think we can never really be sure if we tamed our inner demons or even chased them away. We recognize in particular situations. But at least we are aware and that is important. No turning away but learning to embrace them and send love to them which means sending love to ourselves – healing ourselves. Forgiving like apologysing truly are acts of strength and a grown awareness.
Thank you, Sue and be blessed. Have a wonderful week too. Hugs and love your way 💖 💖

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Being Aware are the first steps, then as we have done working hard upon our inner selves ridding the guilty feelings of unworthiness and learning to see both sides of the coin, and accepting there is never no right or wrong, just experiences.. We can be proud of how far we have come and grown in our own healing journeys Erika.. Many thanks for this wonderful reply ❤

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Oh, yes, and therefore sometimes we need to step back and look at us or the situation from a distance which helps to see everything a bit clearer. Funny, I already scheduled a post with this topic for next Monday… sounds like a sequel now… lol.
I thank you for your wonderful and always so insightful comments, Sue 💖 big hugs💖

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I thank you very much for your comment, Michael. I believe that thoughts of our last hours always touch something inside of us. During our lifetime a lot of things happen of which we may not be proud of but still don’t pay much attention until our awareness goes a bit deeper. All of a sudden, we look beneath. If we still have time we should get about it.

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I think, being in peace with ourselves and also knowing that our loved ones are in peace with us and themselves is one of (if not even) the most important things when it comes to our last hours. Thank you very much, Nico.

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We really need to forgive ourselves and understand that no one is perfect. Secondly, we have to learn to let go of our pride and apologize when we have wrong others. It is easier said than done at times. We don’t need to hold on to things that become a blockage inside and stagnates our being who we are. Very deep post, Erika.

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Oh, yes, what sounds so clear and logic can be so difficult to do. Once done, it is amazing how the energies change, how much more respect we have for each other. It is a tough step to do at times but it is so much harder to carry it inside all life long. The burden gets heavier and heavier. Thank you very much!

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Really a great and important post, Erika 🙂
In one way, I think it might be worse, if we don’t recognize our mistakes at all.
It is a good idea with saying sorry, no matter the souls still are here or not.
To forgive ourselves for our mistakes also helps.
Wish you a beautiful day ❤

Liked by 1 person

I agree, we mustn’t ignore it at all. Only in the awareness of what was so good we can make it better. But still forgiving ourselves and apologize is a big part of the way to make peace with what happened and move on (a bit more) chainless.

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