Don’t Blame Yourself For What The Fool Did!


Lately, I read a post of our lovely Zee, over at LifeConfusions, who is back after a long break. She had to deal with a lot of difficulties but she made it. What attracted my attention was a paragraph about her being fooled and terribly disappointed by others. A lot of people came to my mind who gave their last for someone who took that all for granted or who used them deliberately.


OK, we need to learn not to just trust everyone at first sight and if the same person played a false game again we should let them play it alone. But sometimes you can have a really good feeling about someone and you are open to giving them second chances. Unfortunately, there are people out there who don’t care for other people’s feelings but only for their own benefits. Those people don’t understand that they have a responsibility when they have other people’s trust or even their hearts. Perhaps they even feel overwhelmed when someone opens up to them. Then again there are those who simply don’t care who only look for their own benefit. If they find someone willingย to fulfill their needs they take it gladly but of course, this is not mutual even when nice words are said.


As we know, we see the world the way we are and good-hearted people believe in the good of others. The worse it is when they are waking up one day and seeing that someone only played with them and that spoken or even written words were empty shells and never meant. It breaks their hearts but what is even worse is that through their open-hearted way they may experience this more often and in the end they are blaming themselves for everything and the fight against themselves begins.


And this holds good for any relationship. The ones to whom the relationship means more drift into a dependency and do everything to get back to the point where they once were or what they believed there was. They are questioning themselves, their actions, their attitudes, their whole being that something must be wrong with them and bury themselves in self-accusations. They are begging for answers in order to make it all up again – but they are rejected. They lose self-esteem and start hiding their hearts because they don’t want to be hurt anymore. But since this is not who they are they feel torn apart inside. What is an important lesson to learn and insight to gain is that not the fooled one has to be cleared out but the fool!

kierkegaard quote.jpg

It is necessary to step back and look at the situation from a distance. Only when the fooled one realizes that it is not a bad attitude to have an open heart but to abuse open hearts the healing can begin. Never feel bad because you trusted. It is the person who had bad intentions even though they would never confess it.

Don’t expect an apology, you won’t get it.
Don’t expect them to understand, they won’t.
Don’t drift into resentments, they only harm you.
Don’t ever think how unfair it is because one thing is for sure: They fight the bigger fight.

You can detach from such people and slowly get back to who you are. But imagine how isolated they must feel when they never let someone into their hearts but push them away constantly for what reason ever. They are the real victim because, in the end, it is all coming back to them.


Free yourself from the dependency of a toxic relationship, send them love, and then never look back.ย Those people don’t matter in your life.ย In detaching and leaving the disappointments and scars with the cause you become free for those who do matter! Stay open minded and you will see soon so many good things coming your way. Just turn your face towards the sun.

In Love and Light

About the Author

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Author, Poetess, Singer, Mom, Life Explorer, Business Woman, Therapist Remember who you really are and conquer the world the way you always wanted!


Let’s say it was deeply disappointing. But I had several toxic relationships (which have not been love-relationships) until I stopped doing everything to please someone who never appreciates what I do.


this is so so so so true. I literally did that and chose me everyday all my life and always walked away from toxic people or people at every opportunity I got and now i am not even remotely stressed. In addition every 190 friends I have are for real and not surface level friendship and toxic! Great stuff.

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You are and give an important example here. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. Amazing how you managed it and it was the best thing you could do! Thanks again for your openness. I hope that many read this comment and see that it is possible and life enhancing!

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It was so liberating to read your words Erika. A beautiful message for everyone who has ever got their trust shattered or have been in a toxic relationship. It’s hard to let go of regrets and could have beens, should have beens but like someone once said to me it does more damage to our own-selves than it does to the other person who fooled us. I’m trying to find that place in my heart where I can be okay to forgive. I hope to reach that place one day ๐Ÿ˜Œ

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First of all I thank you for your openness with which you shared your experience. This alone helps a lot of people because they see that they are not alone with such experiences and that it only happens to the best.
Be patient with yourself, Zee. It is a progress. The insight you got is the foundation on what you build up your new found strength. Forgiveness will follow when you are ready. Be mad, be furious, be excited, be everything in order to work yourself through it in your own way. It will all be well ๐Ÿ’–

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Wow sis you totally nailed it. This hits so close to my heart as I have been fooled and yes it’s impossible to get an apology or for one to admit they have fooled you. Because I tend to have such a desire to help I often go head first which is not always best. Thank you for the wisdom sis ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—

Liked by 2 people

It must have been meant that you are coming back and just reading this here. An important confirmation to what you just experienced and the conviction you feel deep inside. Head first… it might happen that you hurt your forehead at times but then again this is what makes you and who you are is loved by so many more than was fooled. ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–


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