Either Way!

What makes me think lot these days are the tough tests the kids in the UK have to pass. My soul sister Ritu posted a lot about it lately since she is involved as a mom but also as a teacher. As far as I understood the government changed the guidelines too short noticed and now the students have the toughest time to pass those advanced tests. Teachers are struggling because they need to follow the orders but are heartbroken seeing good and diligent kids being frustrated and completely discouraged. The pressure to fit into a certain picture already starts to shape them in such young years. 

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Our society is still not able to support the kids in the things they could do so well. I know that we all have to learn some basics like maths and languages. I totally agree! But why cannot other skills be considered too? At least one school subject should be granted to choose freely in addition. That would give them the chance to not lose their joy about learning and to get a better result all over. Most of all they would not feel like losers. That would motivate them immensely and might even affect the other subjects positively. They would not feel so nervous but rather excited to pass the tests.

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But however, it made me think. We all are born into this world with a certain program for our soul. Part of the program are for example the society we have to deal with, our surroundings, our personality, our skills, and all the many destinations we want to reach. The roads we walk in order to reach the destinations are preparing us for the destinations. We learn so much through the hardest disappointments and develop and improve skills and characteristics which are necessary for the places we are meant to arrive. A seeming failure leads us to a by-road which is often the important detour to meet people or find insights which lead us to the actual main street. You would have never walked that by-road without the failure which was actually only the distributor road.

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I don’t say that it is easy to accept it when things are not turning out the way we planned, hoped, or wished. And it is ok to ponder about the why because this also leads to insights. But never despair of things that did not work out. Instead, be aware that it happened for a reason. Look out, be curious, and be attentive for what comes instead or what develops from it. The best way to deal with disappointments and failures is to still be true to yourself instead of trying to fit into a shoe which simply is too large. If you really want something from your heart then stick to it and don’t give up. There are many ways or perhaps you only needed a bit more time to grow into that shoe.

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When my family moved to Liechtenstein I was 9 years old. I was thrown into a different school system in the middle of the school year and I was one year younger than the other kids. Maths wasn’t my favorite subject and I struggled a lot. I couldn’t catch up. I was good in every subject except maths. I was so bad that two years later when elementary came to an end I was considered for a low school level. I felt ashamed most of all because I was repeatedly shown and told how poor it was…. it was a hard time. But after one yearI changed the school to the higher school level. I only needed that one year to grow into the show. It wasn’t always easy on the other level and the pressure was huge. But I made it. I successfully completed my apprenticeship too and was good in my job. But the pressure to perform as a chief secretary was heavy. When I had my children I was really happy to leave that place of pressure which I felt it wasn’t my thing at all. Instead after a while, I started working on myself, studying, reading, learning new things. This all lead to my break through, I wrote my books and here I am! June 1 will be my first day at work and you know what? It is a job as a secretary but it is different and I am different today. I am thankful for the pressure I experienced before and for what I learned about myself. It was all for a reason to arrive here. And where I arrive today is only the start line for where I will be tomorrow.

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We are making our way and what happens is the road of preparation. As parents and teachers we often cannot do anything about it but to encourage our children. We can offer our support and show them that we are always there. But most of all we need to show them that they are amazing and perfect the way they are and that no test results ever define anything about the precious being they are. They must not lose the faith in themselves. The more they appreciate who they are the more they are in tune with their own special trail which will always lead them to their destinations – either way!

In Love and Light

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85 Comments

What a fantastic post, Erika! You are so right! We need to show them our support in a different way, make them see the opportunities that are out there if they believe in themselves. What they go through now is only one stepping stone… more will come and at one point it will be entirely up to them which one they choose…

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Inspiring post, Erika! Here in the states, the school curriculum on the elementary level has become so test driven and robotic that kids are not being inspired in their creative side enough. Test scores, stats and rankings…I know the teachers are frustrated, but do the best they can help the children’s all around growth. Everything happens in our life for a reason, as Bruce Lee said “Adapt what is useful, reject what is useless, and add what is specifically your own.” Thanks again for this inspiring post! Have a great week!!!

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I totally agree, Sylvester. We know that nothing happens accidentally. Where we are thrown in and what we have to deal with is part of a greater context which in the end is fo benefit for us. That is the other side of seeing this dilemma.
This issue is one of the things where all are learning from. Whether it is in encouraging, comforting, hanging in, giving your best, believing in you, not losing your faith, or simply realizing that what is requested is duncish! I might have a great week with the encouragement you are spreading on Mondays. Have a great week too, Sylvester!

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We only need to keep moving forward no matter have quick or slow the steps might be. Thank you and I appreciate it and your inspiring Monday posts as well.

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The pressur is so big today! I see it on my kids but Ritu’s situation made me think a lot. And then again I believe that they make it to the place they are supposed to be. The more we support them in their flow the smoother their ride might be…. in spite of the expectations around them.

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I can relate to that very well. That can root so deeply and you may develop that pattern to prove the oposite over and over again. I think this is still within me too. That was a profound thought, Lynn, thank you!

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There seems to be so much pressure today on kids, parents, everyone. I understand that society has changed and we all want to succeed. I see my own grandchildren busy all the time. The one thing I am not sure that works is that “everyone is a winner.” If we don’t learn how to fail how can we improve? The greatest lessons I have ever learned were from experiences I first failed at. Life is just hard! Great piece of writing. I needed to think this Monday morning! LOL! P.S. I am still so tired. Our oldest daughter is in town for today and tomorrow… I see a nap in my future! LOL! ❤

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Oh, that is lovely, Colleen. I am glad you liked it. Yes, I completely agree. We need to stumble. I wouldn’t even say “failing”. I rather label it as experience. Because in the end it all happens to teach us and whatever doesn’t work out has the purpose to teach us something else. Everything happens for a reason. We are improving with all that happens.
Oh, wonderful! You can sleep when your daughter has left. Enjoy and have fun, dear friend 💖

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That is true. Basically I feel like that about any general tests. Our society is so focused in one direction that everybody is made feel useless who doesn’t fit the critera, right? But it is just cruel to put such a pressure on these young children!

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Such a lovely and thoughtful article Erika, I particularly resonate to the text regarding teaching, I see these children and teachers suffering so much to meet the criteria (passing set tests) to keep their schools well graded rather than teaching the true things children will need in life. Thank dear Erika, you are a blessing! ❤

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Thank you so very much, Holly, you are so lovely 💖 You totally got the point, Holly! I replied somewhere that to me those tests are becoming more and more a political issue and I agree that it is more about the reputation of the school than about the goal to bring the best out in the kids!

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Oh this rings true on so many levels. They are changing the testing systems to such a degree and my daughter is so bright and creative but also struggles with math and is being unfairly challenged by the new curriculum they are bringing in. She has a 7th grade reading level in 3rd grade but could not make it into the gifted and talented program because of these stupid new tests!

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I don’t understand it at all. It is so unfair that they need to meet general criteria in those tests. Instead they should lay more weight on the subject the kids choose for the talented program. This is so duncish! Instead of encouraging and supporting the kids they get discouraged.

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Yes, now they have something called Core Curriculum so it matters, not just if they got the right answer, but how they got the right answer. So, in other words, they can get the right answer and still be marked incorrect because they didn’t get the answer using the correct method. A lot of smart children are suffering because of it.

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I cannot believe what you wrote here. They are playing mind games with children? That is close to brain washing: either you think like we do or leave…. that is unbelievable!

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I know! It’s terrible. I complained to the school but they are saying that this year is an experimental year and they are not going to make any changes until the determine the effects. Great! There goes my daughter’s entire 3rd grade!!

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Yes, great! What a calming information! Now you can be proud that your daughter is the guinea pig! Do they hear what they say? Really, that is unbelievable! I am so sorry for your daughter.

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Oh, that is a cool solution! You are saving a lot of nerves that way at least regarding the public system. So you experience both with your son and daughter. Which system do you prefer in the end?

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I think homeschooling is good but I don’t think it’s great for every child. My son didn’t start homeschooling until after his first year in junior high and that was good because he got a chance to make friends (which he still has) and we were also able to see that homeschooling was a better choice for him. I want my daughter to have to same options and she is also more social than my son but right now, she says she will want to homeschool.

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I agree that it depends on the child. It was the perfect time for your son. Does he do it all by himself? Because you are working I think it might not be easy.

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Such an inspiring post, Erika. Many of us faced pressure to perform really well, be it in school, college or later in our jobs. I too feel that a little encouragement goes a long way. Your experience made you stronger and the person who you are today. I feel everyone should read this inspiring post.

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Thank you very much, Shamira! Whatever we go through prepares us for something we will face later in our life. Nothing is in vain and no matter how hard some times are or how many detours we need to take we will arrive exactly where we are supposed to arrive… well prepared! 😊

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