Rob from https://weight2lose2013.wordpress.com posted a wonderful message about letting go which really touched me. This morning I saw he reblogged another great post to this topic originally posted by Amanda from https://insidethelifeofmoi.wordpress.com Just in December I wrote a post to that topic regarding letting go of my expectations and disappointments concerning my best friend https://erikakind.wordpress.com/2014/12/08/the-greatest-blessing-can-become-the-strongest-chain Letting go I think is one of the biggest problems that keeps us from moving on.
Amanda’s post https://insidethelifeofmoi.wordpress.com/2014/03/17/balloons-the-art-of-letting-go described a life’s situation which I experienced all too well and I feel a deep need to write about it. Amanda wrote about her marriage crises and how she dealt with her situation by letting go of what seemed to be irreparable. She did it in a wonderful lovely way by sending out balloons.
This year I am gonna be married for 22 years. My husband and I married early at the age of 23. As you may know I had a problem with feeling loved, being accepted and respected and I always thought I had to earn this. I really tried hard to fit into my husband’s family but instead of honoring this I was lied at, manipulated and used. I was shy as well and did not dare to speak up against my dominant mother in-law and my sister in-law. If I wasn’t fine with the way I was treated it was ignored or I was even told to be inflexible or unsocial. So far so good. I would have never cared about that if only my husband would have defended me. But he didn’t. So he did not do me the favor (unconsciously) to solve my problem of trying to earn respect and feeling loved. But that is another story.
Anyway, he ignored my complaints. He demonstratively did not listen when I tried to explain how much I was hurt and how unfair I felt treated. He just said: “Don’t listen to them.” I begged him to understand me and to call for respect for his wife. But I was left alone with my feelings. Over time all the painful moments cumulated and I stopped talking to my husband. Him not wanting to listen or help me solving this all hurt more than the acts of the in-laws.
Several times I told him that in not talking to each other, in not exchanging feelings, in refusing to look into the other person, and in locking the other person out we will lose contact. But he did not care. His world was OK. That was all that mattered for him. And since it was OK for him, it had to be OK for me as well. I guess he never thought that one day I would take action.
Since this balloon thingy did not work for me in this situation I tried to ignore his ignorance and just do my thing. Less complaining, but also no cooperation which over time is not really working towards a happy ending. But I tried to protect myself. One day that did not help anymore. It took me a few weeks until I found out that my fight was feeling senseless because there was nothing left I had to fight for. My loved had died.
That was 5 1/2 years ago. I was insecure at that time and still full of self-doubts. But I was already in my breakthrough process. I took all my courage that very day and told my husband what I had found out. Of course I was very anxious because I did not know how he would react. Perhaps he would throw me out of the house. But it was worth it – if I could only finally get a voice. Believe it or not – he listened! I did not want to hurt him but I had to be honest in order to finally get this all off my chest. I told him that I did not love him anymore. I asked him to leave me alone and give me time to clear myself and himself. We did not separate physically since we did not want the people gossipping around. Also we did not do it in respect of the children as long as we did not make a decision to break up.
I let go! I let go the need to make my husband see what he did not want to see. I let go of the need to force someone understanding me. I let go of begging someone to show me his love in caring for my feelings. I let my husband go like a balloon. When I did that he physically felt like being blown in the air. He felt like losing ground, like being dropped. What was my relief through finally letting go and helping myself was his biggest challenge of dealing with a situation he never thought this would ever happen.
It was a healthy time for both of us. We had time to go inside and see what we want – what we really want. I felt the deepest liberation ever. I had no chain around my neck anymore. I was light and happy. I proved to myself that I could stand up for myself in letting go of the need to have someone doing it for me. My husband wasn’t happy at all. But he finally found out what was important for him in his life and what he never wanted to lose.
After six months we started over. But through the half-year cleaning process we started completely new since we became two different persons. We even dated. My time-out helped me to force my transformation which also made me see live, others and myself in a different light. We still have our struggles and at times I feel thrown back in the old situation. But we are all human and some characteristics are simply part of our person. Today our marriage is the best we ever had.
Thank you Rob for your post and for reblogging Amanda’s. I guess I really needed that. Letting go is the biggest relief. As you wrote: “Let go and don’t look back!” The future lies in front of us and not behind!
In Love and Light!