Topic of the week: Letting go!

Rob from https://weight2lose2013.wordpress.com posted a wonderful message about letting go which really touched me. This morning I saw he reblogged another great post to this topic originally posted by Amanda from https://insidethelifeofmoi.wordpress.com  Just in December I wrote a post to that topic regarding letting go of my expectations and disappointments concerning my best friend  https://erikakind.wordpress.com/2014/12/08/the-greatest-blessing-can-become-the-strongest-chain Letting go I think is one of the biggest problems that keeps us from moving on.

Amanda’s post https://insidethelifeofmoi.wordpress.com/2014/03/17/balloons-the-art-of-letting-go described a life’s situation which I experienced all too well and I feel a deep need to write about it. Amanda wrote about her marriage crises and how she dealt with her situation by letting go of what seemed to be irreparable. She did it in a wonderful lovely way by sending out balloons.

This year I am gonna be married for 22 years. My husband and I married early at the age of 23. As you may know I had a problem with feeling loved, being accepted and respected and I always thought I had to earn this. I really tried hard to fit into my husband’s family but instead of honoring this I was lied at, manipulated and used. I was shy as well and did not dare to speak up against my dominant mother in-law and my sister in-law. If I wasn’t fine with the way I was treated it was ignored or I was even told to be inflexible or unsocial. So far so good. I would have never cared about that if only my husband would have defended me. But he didn’t. So he did not do me the favor (unconsciously) to solve my problem of trying to earn respect and feeling loved. But that is another story.

Anyway, he ignored my complaints. He demonstratively did not listen when I tried to explain how much I was hurt and how unfair I felt treated. He just said: “Don’t listen to them.” I begged him to understand me and to call for respect for his wife. But I was left alone with my feelings. Over time all the painful moments cumulated and I stopped talking to my husband. Him not wanting to listen or help me solving this all hurt more than the acts of the in-laws.

Several times I told him that in not talking to each other, in not exchanging feelings, in refusing to look into the other person, and in locking the other person out we will lose contact. But he did not care. His world was OK. That was all that mattered for him. And since it was OK for him, it had to be OK for me as well. I guess he never thought that one day I would take action.

Since this balloon thingy did not work for me in this situation I tried to ignore his ignorance and just do my thing. Less complaining, but also no cooperation which over time is not really working towards a happy ending. But I tried to protect myself. One day that did not help anymore. It took me a few weeks until I found out that my fight was feeling senseless because there was nothing left I had to fight for. My loved had died.

That was 5 1/2 years ago. I was insecure at that time and still full of self-doubts. But I was already in my breakthrough process. I took all my courage that very day and told my husband what I had found out. Of course I was very anxious because I did not know how he would react. Perhaps he would throw me out of the house. But it was worth it – if I could only finally get a voice. Believe it or not – he listened! I did not want to hurt him but I had to be honest in order to finally get this all off my chest. I told him that I did not love him anymore. I asked him to leave me alone and give me time to clear myself and himself. We did not separate physically since we did not want the people gossipping around. Also we did not do it in respect of the children as long as we did not make a decision to break up.

I let go! I let go the need to make my husband see what he did not want to see. I let go of the need to force someone understanding me. I let go of begging someone to show me his love in caring for my feelings. I let my husband go like a balloon. When I did that he physically felt like being blown in the air. He felt like losing ground, like being dropped. What was my relief through finally letting go and helping myself was his biggest challenge of dealing with a situation he never thought this would ever happen.

It was a healthy time for both of us. We had time to go inside and see what we want – what we really want. I felt the deepest liberation ever. I had no chain around my neck anymore. I was light and happy. I proved to myself that I could stand up for myself in letting go of the need to have someone doing it for me. My husband wasn’t happy at all. But he finally found out what was important for him in his life and what he never wanted to lose.

After six months we started over. But through the half-year cleaning process we started completely new since we became two different persons. We even dated. My time-out helped me to force my transformation which also made me see live, others and myself in a different light. We still have our struggles and at times I feel thrown back in the old situation. But we are all human and some characteristics are simply part of our person. Today our marriage is the best we ever had.

Thank you Rob for your post and for reblogging Amanda’s. I guess I really needed that. Letting go is the biggest relief. As you wrote: “Let go and don’t look back!” The future lies in front of us and not behind!

In Love and Light!

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18 Comments

Thanks for sharing your story Erika. I’ve been through the same after marriage (though I got married at the age of 20) I’m 24 now and in last 4 years I’ve learnt to let go! I’ve had a tough childhood and had a lot of anxiety and depression issues, but as I learned to let go, I got relieved of all my worries and now I’m a very happy person.
All the stress and anxiety affected my weight a lot. Finally as I’m free of my tensions, I’ve started to work towards letting go of all the stress-weight as well. I feel so beautiful inside and out!
Great post Erika. You’re such a huge inspiration to me and also to others ❤
You're an amazing woman 🙂

Liked by 1 person

Oh Heena, thank you! But like you I only was looking for a way to survive and to be happy again. If we want then we always find a way out. And in the end the only way to be happy and satisfied is to make piece with what was since wecannot change it anymore. Thanks for sharing your experience as well. As young as you are as wise you are.

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Just life… and life simply happens. I am glad for what happened since it gave me the chance to develop. Otherwise I wouldn’t be where and who I am today. The wisdom lies in life itself which leads us to the best places.

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Oh wow! There’s such a powerful message in all of this. Sometimes we need to take a step back, let go of all the hurt and bad feeling and start over. This situation almost mirrors my own. Like you, I married when I 23 (relatively young) and things were great for awhile, but I felt exuded from his family (particularly my mother-in-law) from day one. My hatred (strong word, I know) for her caused cracks within our relationship and made it so difficult for him. This aside, we experienced so many other issues. At our lowest point, we both admitted that we didn’t have strong feelings for each other anymore, in fact, we had grown to despise each other. One day, I decided to let go. I let go of all of our past issues, all of the hatred, my issues for his mother, the hurt we had caused each other – I put it in a balloon and let it go.

Like you and your husband, over time, we grew together, we grew stronger and we even went on date or two! Our relationship is far from perfect, but it is perfectly imperfect and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Thank you for sharing your story. It gives me faith that everything will be okay – as long as we don’t hold onto those bad feelings.

“Today our marriage is the best we ever had.”

This actually brought happy tears to my eyes. I’m so glad things worked out for both of you. 🙂

Liked by 1 person

I guess this is the most impacting response I ever got to a post. There are so many parralels between our stories. It is amazing. Yes, we are far from perfect – but who is. It was worth it all. At least it helped us to see the same situation in a different light. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I so hear you, Amanda!

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“What doesn’t kill us, only makes us stronger” – We have both learned the most valuable lesson in life and for that, I feel blessed.

I soooo hear ya, too! It’s strange how similar our stories are. Although, you have been married waaay longer than I have! This year will mark our 5th anniversary! And I don’t doubt that there will be more ups and downs to come – only this time, I will be better equipped to deal with them.

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